Rude family members

sunlady_2

I would please like some advice on how to deal with rudeness from family members.

I have recently put on a fair bit of weight due to health problems. Now that I have been diagnosed and am on the correct medication the weight is starting to come off. However it will probably take a while to get back to normal.My sister in law has been overweight most of her life but has recently lost a lot of weight. Every time she sees me I get a lecture about how easy it is to loose weight through diet and exercise alone. The rest of his family have also started making comments.

I am at a loss as to what to do. When the comments first started I wanted to tell them to stop being rude, but my husband advised me not to. He tells me to not be so sensitive and to ignore their comments, but I find them so hurtful.

I know if I say anything an almighty family ruction will occur and I will be blamed. Whereas as I see it, they are the ones with the problem and should stop being rude to us.

Money_maker

I would tell her exactly what you have put in your post. I would also add that her comments could be construed as rude and having been so successful herself (creep, creep) perhaps she could support you with positive encouragement. Perhaps you could excercise/walk together (if you can bear it).

mandi

Next time a comment is made politely tell them it's none of their business, which quite frankly it isn't.Just because you are related it doesn't mean that they have the right to insult & upset you .

nuttybabe

Creditcruncher wrote: »

It sounds like you husband should be sticking up for you a bit more. I would also tempted to tell them to keep their comments to themselves.

I agree, your husband should talk to them and tell them to stop being so rude (but maybe in a more subtle way!!!)

I put on alot of weight after having kids and got so much grief over certain members of dh's family but they are like that and i gave as good as i got. If they werent ribbing me over that it would be something else! Now I have lost the weight you can see them trying to find something else to say. They have also all begrudgenly told me how good I am looking now! And they are still fat!!

thebaileys

Hiya-

Some people are just plain rude!

Its none of there business! Sometimes instead of biting your tongue, its better to stand up to them, even if they are family.

At a wedding a few years ago my other halfs, aunt in law, asked if I was pregnant. I had just lost about a stone and had gone down to 12 and a half stone.

I was feeling pretty good about myself, all dressed up etc...

Normally I would have had a good cry, but instead I made sure I enjoyed the day and night, never getting off the dance floor.

I later heard that I was the third family member she had said it to!

How evil!

Some people are just cruel and nasty!

savingmummy

I have the same issue.
My brother of 22 recently lost 10 stone in 18months and of course everyone now turns to me for insults.
I have 5 stone to lose and have been trying to lose weight for years with no luck as yet! (i have pcos)
Ignorance is the finest thing, you are losing weight and have a medical issue which don`t help, so let them continue to be narrow minded x

tandraig

hun, ignore them, and tell your OH he should be sticking up for you!
next time one of these insensitive creatures gives you a lecture about your wieght, ask 'so when are you getting a face lift...nose job... boobs done' jeez - its none of their business! ask OH whether he thinks more of his cousin than he does of you!!!
dont explain yourself to them, and I would be dammed annoyed if my OH didnt stick up for me - rather than his rellies!

yoni_one

How about saying something like 'to avoid any problems, I know you wouldn't want to deliberately hurt or offend me so it is only fair to let you know that I actually do feel hurt when you make uninvited references to my weight or the amount of food my son eats so as tempted as you may be to offer words of advice, would you please keep those thoughts to yourself? Thank you '

Take ownership of your feelings and try and express without confrontation how you feel when they say these things to you. If they say you are oversensitive you can agree if necessary but ask them to be mindful of it please? You have no more desire to offend them than you hope they have to offend you.

tandraig

yoni_one wrote: »

How about saying something like 'to avoid any problems, I know you wouldn't want to deliberately hurt or offend me so it is only fair to let you know that I actually do feel hurt when you make uninvited references to my weight or the amount of food my son eats so as tempted as you may be to offer words of advice, would you please keep those thoughts to yourself? Thank you '

Take ownership of your feelings and try and express without confrontation how you feel when they say these things to you. If they say you are oversensitive you can agree if necessary but ask them to be mindful of it please? You have no more desire to offend them than you hope they have to offend you.

or to put it more succinctly - tell them to eff off and mind their own business!

er - are you for real yoni-one? no-one talks like that in my world!!!

Welshwoofs

Personally...I'd look at the sister-in-law, smile sweetly and say "Well I was thinking of losing weight, but I can't help but notice now you've lost all yours that you look about 15 years older and are a bit....well....'saggy' in places."

Attack is the best form of defence....give her something else to obsess about

honeyD

My Uncle is like this. Everytime I saw him he used to say "I thought you were on a diet" and even though I only ate my main meals, each time he saw me he would say "you never stop eating you do you?" In the end I just tell him to mind his own business. I think Ive just gotten so used to his comments now that they dont bother me. Other peoples do though, just strangers on the street, their comments hurt most. Not sure why I let it really, its not like Im the fattest person in the world and I have lost weigh recently and still trying to but then if Im not being called fat I would be getting called something else lol.