Dispute between me and my brother - very upset

newcook

do you/your dad drive?? if so meet him in town as planned and then tell him dinner is at your hosue so you can kill 2 birds with 1 stone!!

as for your bro, is there other stuff that has been stressing him out and you just took the brunt of it but he may feel a little embarrassed to make the first move?!?!

paddy's_mum

Perhaps he is annoyed because you have delivered an uncomfortable home truth to him (the beck and call allegation) and to add insult to injury, have done so via his girlfriend.

It may not be fair but it is human. For example, I can call my husband all sorts of silly old fart but woe betide the outsider who dares to overstep the mark and criticise him to my face!

Alternatively, have you perhaps been feeling vaguely jealous of his privileged position (everyone runs round after him) for a long time but it was only when you made barbed comments about it that your brother could finally put his finger on what was getting up your nose?

I might be a million miles wide of the mark but from his telling you to get lost, either he is an utterly selfish and unreasonable person or you have been unwittingly causing him offence for quite some time.

Would a quiet chat with the girlfriend be possible and a way to try to find out what's gone wrong and heal it? Good luck.

onlyroz

Whether you consider him to be more at fault than you or not, just bite the bullet and appologise to your brother. Life's too short to spend it all bearing grudges over silly things.

NAR

Tia there are 2 separate issues here.

1. Your inconsiderate brother gave you no notice worth talking about for the return of the bed. You phoned and spoke to his G/F whilst still angry and said something which caused upset, whether flippantly or not. And she was quite right to tell your brother; would you not expect your O/H to tell you if the shoe was on the other foot? I agree his text was way out of order, but so were you in the first place. So I think apologies are due from both parties.

2. The visit of your father was made at the invitation of your brother. So meeting you would have to be when your father was free/available, not when it suited you. If you want him to visit your new home why didn't you/can't you invite him and partner to come and visit/stay with you? If you wanted him to visit you should have arranged it.

Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear, but I am trying to be objective to the circumstances of the situation you described.

Zazen999

a - seriously, could you not have just popped the bed in the hall or somewhere whilst you emptied out the garage? was it really such a huge thing to get upset about?
b - from what I've gathered - you've not invited your dad to yours so why not invite him off your own back and you can have him to stay on your own terms.

Susan_Frost

Let go of the dad situation. Arranging something with you tagged on to a visit would also start putting time limits on what he and brother are doing, cannot be spontaneous and do something which may crop up, or overrun his stay. It also drags poor old dad into the you and bro situation. Leave it out.

If he had not been going to visit your brother, what arrangements would you have made with dad? Probably invited him over for a meal and the visit would have lasted several hours.

So - do that. He will get a feel for the house much better if given the grand tour with time to appreciate the finer detail, than a quick glance round.

Your relationship with dad is seperate to the one with brother.

Tia_24

Thanks to everyone whose taken the time to reply.

belfastgirl23

There's a lot more going on here than just about a bed, I think that's the least of the problems.

Assuming you and your brother normally get on fine, this is really out of character and in your shoes I'd more be concerned about this than anything else. I'd actually want to meet up with him to say sorry if I upset him (cos I bet you are sorry that this happened even if you think it was totally unreasonable that he got upset, him being upset was never your goal!) and try to ask him what's really going on in a very calm and non-judgemental way. I think errata is right, something else is going on and you got both barrels but to me that's a very extreme reaction (and I think it is by your family's standards as well).

I'd also ask your mum does she have any perspective on it. Maybe you have somehow been annoying him - eg does he think you're taking advantage of mum by staying there and this was his way of expressing it?? Obviously not saying you are but you know how sometiimes other people can get things muddled.

As for the dad thing, I think you are probably oversensitive about him, I say this as the child of divorce myself, I know my perspective on my father is not good. I would also feel very hurt by something like this although to my dad it would probably be a matter of practicality rather than anything else. I'm guessing it's probably the same for yours and he would be either upset or confused by how hurt you are (I know it would be confusion for my own dad, he never gets anything emotional at all!)

Good luck resolving things with your brother.

Zazen999

I think the real question is - do you want to be friends with your brother again or not?

If so, then maybe apologise and take round a nice cake when your dad is there [or beforehand if you can].....

peachyprice

Tia_24 wrote: »

Peachyprice - I know I probably am overracting but I cant do anything about it, I feel really left out and he really upset me. I'm meeting my Dad in town tomorrow for dinner, he's not coming to the house at all.

Why not ask him to come to you instead?

Your brother invited him to stay with him for the weekend, to feel left out because they haven't factored a visit to your new house in their schedule is a little childish.