How do you manage the finances in your relationship?

Person_one

Just wondering what kind of mix of approaches are out there. I'm interested to know if it makes a difference if you're married or not, living together, homeowners, have children, one earns a lot more, one is in debt both in debt etc etc.

At the moment, OH and I have our salaries paid into our own accounts and pay an equal amount into a joint one that covers the mortgage and bills with a little surplus left over that can build up to be a 'just in case' fund. Our savings are completely separate, we have no say over each other's money apart from the joint account. OH earns a bit more than me but not massively so.

I'm not sure if I'd want that to change if we ever got married, but we're not really planning on that so its not an issue.

Sorry if this is too much of a nosey question, I'm just going through a phase of wanting to find out how the rest of the world lives I think! As demonstrated by my post about the child issue.

Errata

One approach is to treat a relationship in the same way as a business relationship. Incomings belong to the business and the business is responsible for the outgoings. Discussion and negotiation will arrive at a clear policy on which department takes responsibility for what and what budget it has for these responsibilities.

vandanfc

What works for one does not always suit another. We have always had a joint current account that both our wages went into (when I was working). All bills etc paid out of that, a set amount was put in a savings account. That took care of all our monies. I no longer work, but still have the same access to the joint account as always.

SkintGypsy

That makes perfect sense for now, but if you ever give up your career/wage to bring up his children, it might stick in the throat a bit to have to ask him for housekeeping!

Or if he lost his job, and you were footing all the bills for a while and you both suffered financial hardship as a result. Does he pay you back? Do you have less of a social life cos he can't afford to pay half?

In my view, it all depends on the permanency of your life together. If you are planning a future then you are a team with the same goals. I don't see how separate finances can work long term really, unless the relationship isn't that stable and you need to keep things separate in case of a split.

Sequeena

For us my OHs wage is paid into my account. We had both the salaries paid into it when I was working but now I'm not we don't feel the need to move his salary into his other account. I don't intend to do a runner with the money

NoAngel

I'm paid into my own account and put a set amount into a joint account each month to cover my half of the bills. OH gets paid into the joint aco!!!! and then I put his 'spending' money over each week, as he is terrbile at budgeting and has asked me to do this. He now appreciates that he doesn't run out of money at the end of each month (or middle!) and all the bills get paid. We're supposed to get an equal amount each month to spend on our own petrol/towards food etc, but depends on exact earnings for the month whether that happens.

Treacly

Person_one wrote: »

OH and I have our salaries paid into our own accounts and pay an equal amount into a joint one that covers the mortgage and bills with a little surplus left over that can build up to be a 'just in case' fund. Our savings are completely separate, we have no say over each other's money apart from the joint account.

We take exactly the same approach. We've been together for long enough (16 years) to know that it all comes out in the wash - even though we have separate current and savings accounts, we earn roughly the same and take it in turns to pay for treats, big shops etc etc. Holidays come out of the surplus we've built up in the joint current account (interest-earning). We're not married but we have a joint mortgage and mirror-wills.

tiff

I am married with two children. My DH refers to me as the FD (financial director). He is rubbish with money (yet he is a project manager in the defence industry and is reponsible for millions of pounds lol).

Both wages go into the joint account, bills are paid, we are paying off the last of our debt. Once the debt is paid off we are going to give ourselves an allowance each month to spend as we wish. Savings are joint and I always tell him when I am taking money out of savings and what its for. If we want to spend a large amount out of the current account then we ask each other first.

I could never have tolerated having to ask him for money as some of my friends do.

jakem_2

I am going to show my OH the replies from Vandan and SkintGypsy, as they have hit the nail on the head, exactly what I have been trying to get through to my OH.

Here you go person_one, heres my story of our finances.

At times its like we are two seperate people, not a married couple.

I am self employed and at the moment have been off work since Xmas, he has his bank account and I have mine, we dont have a joint account, my decision when we got married not his, but I had a good reason not to have a joint account.
We agreed that he pays the mortgage, and council tax, and the landline, which TBH is peanuts, I pay gas, elect, water rates, buy the food, toiletries, soap powder etc, TV license.
If we need any new sheets, towels little bits for the home I get them, and things like a new stair carpet, we go half, or new tiles for the kitchen, we go half.

As I havent been working since Xmas, obviously my account is running dry, but I am still expected to put my 'share in', not once has he said to me, 'are you okay for money', 'are you coping to pay the bills', so now I am struggling, if I was working again, It wouldnt be a problem, but now it is.
We had booked up a holiday last year, its paid for and going in a couple of months, he's paid his half, and I pay mine, he expects me to pay half for the car parking and insurance.
Every time we go on holiday its the same, we pay half, even though I might not have had any work for a few weeks.


This is one of many reasons I am going to divorce him, as this happens everytime I have a run of unemployment,which to be fair only happens a couple times a year (my work is difficult to explain, its not the usual office job) and yet he brings home loads more money than me, and do you know I have only seen a wage slip once and that was 8 years ago, and only by chance he left one lying around the other day, when I saw it, I nearly had a hard attack seeing how much he earns, and yet he knows I havent earned any money for 6 weeks, and not once has he said to me, here' £50 go and get some shopping.

I would love to think my OH is not tight and selfish, but everything he doesnt do proves that he is, I would love him to give me £20 and say, 'go and get your nails done, or a blow dry, but I never spend any money on myself, I would never dream of maxing out his credit card (thats if I ever got near it)

So, thats the story of our finances.:mad:

wildfrog

We have both our wages paid into joint account, this covers bills. We then each get "pocket money" a set amount each month is transferred to our personal accounts to spend as we wish. This is to cover take aways, gifts, clothes, things for LO etc.We have the same amount each month regardless of who earns what. (At one point I earnt significantly more than OH, now it is reversed) Our savings account is in my name but is our money.

Errata

I struggle to understand why people in a relationship think nothing of sharing body fluids, but when it comes to hard cash it's a very different story.