How much housekeeping money to charge to my stepdaughter?

goldengirl39

Just thought I would update everyone on the outcome of my situation.

My stepdaughter finally agreed to pay me £220.00 a month even though she thought that was too much. I had to chase her for the money and she said she would pay it into my bank account.

When she got to work on Monday this week, she emailed me and said she only paid half into my account because as far as she is concerned it is only fair to pay half to her mother because she spends three days a week there.

I responded that I understood why she was doing that but I wasn't happy with the way she had dealt with the situation and was shocked that she felt she couldn't speak to me or her Dad about it all. Maybe I was wrong to say this to her but as she has made it clear that she's never been happy living with us I suggested that perhaps she should think about moving back in with her Mother as she really misses being with her sisters a lot.

She responded to me with an abusive email basically saying that I am ripping her off and she was going to stay with her mother for a week and come back today. I didn't think it was worth responding and get into a war of words but I really wasn't happy about being told that I have never treated her like a daughter which is far from the truth.

Anyway, since then she hasn't been in contact with her Dad or me despite us both trying to get in touch with her but we have since found out from her Mother that there has been no mention of giving any housekeeping money to her.

Really don't know where to go from here!

Gemsgalore

I don't think you need to do or say anything more. Sit tight and if she comes back, tell her the £220 still applies, and if she chooses to stay at her mothers whatever many nights a week, she can pay her Mother too!! You are being more than fair imo. How I wish I was back to paying 'keep' money and had 2/3rds of my wages to spend on just me.....they were the days

You get nowt for nowt in this world and this little madam will learn that in time.

tanith

I'd say sit tight too, the trouble is that she's probably NOT going to pay her mother anything so she gets away with paying half what you have asked for.. little madam..

RAS

She sounds like a little madam.

You and OH need to discuss it but the basic is she is trying to play you and OH off against mother. Maybe OH and mother need to have a chat?

I would sUggest she does not move back in with you until the £220 is paid in full?

Hermia

goldengirl39 wrote: »

When she got to work on Monday this week, she emailed me and said she only paid half into my account because as far as she is concerned it is only fair to pay half to her mother because she spends three days a week there.

I responded that I understood why she was doing that but I wasn't happy with the way she had dealt with the situation and was shocked that she felt she couldn't speak to me or her Dad about it all. Maybe I was wrong to say this to her but as she has made it clear that she's never been happy living with us I suggested that perhaps she should think about moving back in with her Mother as she really misses being with her sisters a lot.

She responded to me with an abusive email basically saying that I am ripping her off and she was going to stay with her mother for a week and come back today. I didn't think it was worth responding and get into a war of words but I really wasn't happy about being told that I have never treated her like a daughter which is far from the truth.

Anyway, since then she hasn't been in contact with her Dad or me despite us both trying to get in touch with her but we have since found out from her Mother that there has been no mention of giving any housekeeping money to her.

Really don't know where to go from here!

I would love to see her behave like this towards a landlord or flatmate. She is going to have a shock when she joins the real world! BTW, did you mention how old she is? If she is over 20 I am shocked by her attitude as she must have friends who pay out far more than this in bills.

I can only suggest you stay firm and show her your utility bills to show how much things cost.

BTW, I am rather taken aback that she chose to iron your clothes and afterwards asked you for money. This is the behaviour of a small bratty child. She really has to learn that you can't give someone a present or do them a favour and then get stroppy if they don't give you something in return. She won't have much luck keeping friends or a boyfriend if she behaves like that!

goldengirl39

Thanks everyone for your advice.

SD has just turned 19 and is extremely opinionated to the point that she is not prepared to listen to anyone else's opinion. She and OH clash terribly and I'm always the mediator. She tends to listen to me so that's why I was shocked by the abusive email.

OH is so fed up of the whole situation and he doesn't want her living with us now. Unfortunately, I am away from this evening for the weekend so who knows what will happen in my absence.

Will report back!

Paws

goldengirl39 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your advice.

SD has just turned 19 and is extremely opinionated to the point that she is not prepared to listen to anyone else's opinion. She and OH clash terribly and I'm always the mediator. She tends to listen to me so that's why I was shocked by the abusive email.

OH is so fed up of the whole situation and he doesn't want her living with us now. Unfortunately, I am away from this evening for the weekend so who knows what will happen in my absence.

Will report back!

She can move out then, that'll teach her to stand on her own two feet!

honeyD

In her defence it is difficult to understand just how much needs paying on a house when you havent had your own before. I was the same, didnt want to pay more, no way! I did in the end though lol, I paid board and extra towards electric and gas, especially when my parents were struggling. I now have my own house and it is expensive lol but I didnt realise just how much I would have to pay.
The girl sounds very immature, just needs to grow up a bit and paying her way is just something that will help with that. Stick to your guns and make her pay it if she wants to stay, and also make her apologise for that email. There is no need for that whatsoever.

tandraig

I must have missed something - which post says she chose to iron all your clothes? maybe i am thick but that does not sound like a selfish immature child who is being portrayed here.
while i think £200 a month is reasonable i would certainly reduce it if the kid spends two or three nights at mums - and to those who say that it makes no difference a landlord would expect a weeks rent whether the tenant was there or not - well the OP isnt the kids landlord but family!!! and housekeeping or board and lodge is a CONTRIBUTION to household expenses. otherwise the kid may as well find a bedsit somewhere.
and i say this as a parent who had three kids who ALL contributed 20% per week whether earning or on benefits and i did all the cooking, washing, ironing, etc - because they are my kids and i was happy to do it for them.

BitterAndTwisted

goldengirl39 wrote: »

The issue with doing my ironing is that she was doing hers one afternoon and saw mine and did it for me without asking. She then said she was a bit short of cash and as she had done my ironing could I give her a tenner. I refused and in the end my husband gave it to her.

It doesn't sound to me like the young girl was doing any ironing to be a co-operative, contributing member of the household. She had plans for spending that tenner and found a way to wangle it. That seems rather devious to me.

This young lass needs a rude awakening and a wake-up call in my opinion. It sounds like she flounces off to whichever household suits her when things aren't to her liking. Time to rent a bedsit or find a houseshare.