How much housekeeping money to charge to my stepdaughter?

kegg_2

ninky wrote: »

i think you should discuss it with her father and let him make the ultimate decision.

i don't think you can make decisions like this as if she were your own child.

why not? It is as much her house as the fathers and you can put money on the fact that it is the op cooking her meals, shopping and doing her washing.

ninky_2

kegg wrote: »

why not? It is as much her house as the fathers and you can put money on the fact that it is the op cooking her meals, shopping and doing her washing.

well you don't know that for sure. maybe she moved into a home owned by the father.

it does seem that often step parents are less keen on household income going to support adult children than biological parents.

i think if you choose to marry someone with pre-exisiting children you have to accept they may choose to spend more of their income on supporting those children than you might wish.

now if she is actually having to take money out of her wages to pay for the daughters special food or whatever then it's up to her to stop doing this. and she is free to do that, surely? as well as not cooking the daughters dinners or doing her washing -assuming she actually is.

it sounds like the daughter is actually doing some of their laundry (ironing?) but that the OP was just annoyed that she wanted to get paid for this. i could have misinterpreted though.

goldengirl39

Thank you everyone for their advice.

My husband and I discussed the issue together and he in fact came up with a figure far higher than £240.00. He just picked a sum out of thin air but we sat down together and worked out the bills and then settled on £240.00. My husband can be a bit of a softie with all his daughters. Him and SD have a clash of personalities at times because they are so alike and end up arguing over the tiniest little thing - it can be like walking on eggshells in our house when she has PMT!

Having said that, he initiated the conversation with her about money when I was away for the weekend and was given the "Kevin & Perry" attitude. SD is impulsive and a bit immature at times and has a real bee in her bonnet about people trying to "mug her off" where money is concerned. It stems back to childhood issues with her mother.

I pay all the household expenses except the mortgage and our house is jointly owned. This is the second time we have had one of our SD's living with us because of issues with their mother. I was fully aware of any potential problems by marrying a man with children and I love them all (I don't have children of my own).

I don't cook for SD as she prepares her own food. She does her own washing and ironing too. The issue with doing my ironing is that she was doing hers one afternoon and saw mine and did it for me without asking. She then said she was a bit short of cash and as she had done my ironing could I give her a tenner. I refused and in the end my husband gave it to. All she wanted it for was to buy her and her boyfriend a Chinese. I offered to cook something for them instead but they wanted a Chinese.

For the time being, any money she pays to us is going to my husband to help him out as his business is feeling the pinch at the moment.

I have an inkling that she will go back to her mother's but not until she finds another job. She misses her younger sisters very much and also being part of a large family.

I don't get it right all the time but feel I am fair.

Myamoth

Hi Goldengirl, I think you and SD's father are being fair - when I had my first full time job my mother took 50% of my take home pay as housekeeping. I had had part time jobs through college though, which my parents never asked for any part of - and they paid for all my college textbooks, transport, etc. :-) I just saw the housekeeping as something you had to pay once you had a "proper" job.

pinkneonmartini

I know the common concensus is to pay 30% of all earnings for room and board, or atleast thats how much alot of my friends pay, but after living in some truly horrific rented places at uni, my mum and dad decided to let me and my brother pay £20 a week each.

It doesn't really go anywhere towards what it costs them to have us at home, but it was part of a deal to allow us both to still have the responsibilty of "paying keep" but be in a position to clear student debts and start saving deposits for houses of our own, so that we won't spend the next decade paying 30% of our wages to pay off someone elses mortgage on rented properties.

In the three years i've been back at home I've paid off £4k in debts, and saved almost £5k (see my siggy)!

My brother is four years younger than me, and after the hell i had with money and houses at uni, decided to skip it and go straight into the workplace, he's only been working full time for 2 years, but he's cleared all his debts, and has recently started saving for his own place.

And because of the arrangement we have with our parents, we've been able to take over some of the bills. For example, my brother now pays £80 a month to sky for multiroom HD service for the whole family, when the boiler packed in I was able to chip in £100 towards the cost of a new boiler. We both regularly treat the folks to meals out/takeaways/bits of shopping, and it's great to be able to. My mum told us the other day how much it means to her, that we're able to do things like that. And the fact that we do it because we want to, not out of obligation!

My mum and bro are mad Man U fans, and last year he paid £500 towards the cost of my mum's flights&tickets to go to watch the Champions league final in Moscow! I work for my dad, and when the office gets a bit intense and crazy busy, i buzz him on the intercom and tell him i'm taking him for lunch, lol, he always insists i can't afford it, because he knows how much i earn lol, but in nearly 2 years i've never let him pay!

But we wouldn't be in this position if we had to hand over £300 a month each to the folks, and they'd be stuck with us for a lot longer!!!!!!! And who really wants 40 yr old kids still living at home?

ooooo i forgot to mention, i know some of my friends parents take £150 a month, they keep £100 and put £50 in an ISA, just to try and kick start the saving habit.

euronorris

Hi Pink!

I think it's great that you are able to save up etc, but not everyone is as sensible as you and your brother are.

So, I think it's a good idea to still take a percentage of the net income, just so that they can get used to budgeting and understand that running a home is expensive and they can't always do the nice things that they want to do.

Having said that, if it's financially feasible, I also think it's a good idea for the parents to save at least some of that money each money This can then be 'gifted' back to the child when they are ready to move out, will help with deposit or furniture etc.

Ninky, I don't think this quote is fair:

'it does seem that often step parents are less keen on household income going to support adult children than biological parents.'

The OP has not expressed any desire to not support her Step Daughter. In fact, I think making her pay a good proportion of income will teach her some sound lessons for the future.

If I've misunderstood, then sorry, but this is how I read it.

And I think the OP has addressed the other points.

pigpen

25-33% depending on what she pays herself/brings home.

I think you also need to clarify what you will provide for her money.. toiletries but not make up, food but not treats and say whether you expect a share of bills to be aid or if these will be covered..

Family discussion time!!

ninky_2

euronorris wrote: »

Ninky, I don't think this quote is fair:

'it does seem that often step parents are less keen on household income going to support adult children than biological parents.'

The OP has not expressed any desire to not support her Step Daughter. In fact, I think making her pay a good proportion of income will teach her some sound lessons for the future.

If I've misunderstood, then sorry, but this is how I read it.

And I think the OP has addressed the other points.

i didn't post it to be 'fair' necessarily just to express an opinion of a common vibe i've sensed off some step parents. only the OP can know whether it applies to her in any way or not. if it doesn't then she'll just think i'm talking balls and move on i'm sure.

Kay_Peel

She might see it as a bargain to get her accommodation, meals, utilities, council tax and all the other benefits, if you tell her that it will only cost her roughly £8 per day (£240 per month). I bet she spends that on a takeaway. It's not much.

Tell her that she can get a reduction for any 24 hour periods that she spends elsewhere, such as her mother's home - you'll accept £5 instead of £8!

farmerboy

I think you have to set a figure you all agree on, the £240 suggestion sounds fair to me.

I have to admit that I haven't any real experience of this as when I lived at home and was working, I never paid any board at all. But we are a dairy farm so most evenings, weekends and holidays from work were taken up by work on the farm. My younger brother paid £20 a week, but he only helped out at harvest or if dad or I was ill.

When the time comes with my children we'll agree on a figure dependant on how much they help out on the farm.