How much housekeeping money to charge to my stepdaughter?

goldengirl39

My stepdaughter moved in with me and my husband a year ago when she was at college because she fell out with her mother. She had a Saturday job in a Bridal shop and when she left college in May last year she worked there three days a week until she left in July because of some disagreement with the manageress.

By September she had got herself a full time job bringing home £800-900 a month. My husband and I thought we should let her get her finances straight before asking her for any housekeeping money.

In November she announced she was moving in with her sister and needed to buy items for her room including a bed and furniture. Again, we thought that considering Christmas was coming up and also that she would be moving out at the beginning of December, we wouldn't ask for any money from her.

Mid December she changed her mind and decided to stay so we said that at the end of January she would have to start paying us some housekeeping money.

My husband and I came up with a figure of £240.00 a month towards bills and food (and I have to buy special diet food for her) which I don't think is unreasonable but my stepdaughter was shocked that we wanted to charge her "so much money" as she is now staying over with her mother around two nights a week.

She got paid at the end of January and no money has been forthcoming yet. Also, in all the time she has been earning she has never offered us any money towards takeaways or meals out and at one stage wanted to charge me for doing my ironing which I refused to pay her for.

Unfortunately, she has now been told that she is only required at work three days a week and therefore her money is going to be reduced pro rata.

What I need help with is how much do I ask from her now? Obviously all my bills have increased in the year she has been staying and although I am not after recouping any money from her for the last year, I do think she should start contributing towards the household budget.

I would welcome any advice on this.

Thanks

shell_girl

Hi goldengirl,

Perhaps a good point to start negotiation would be at around 35 - 40% of her take home pay?

I wouldn't go much lower than this to be honest. How much does she help out with housework etc?

If she were in rented accommodation she wouldn't get any sort of discount for being away a couple of nights a week, she also wouldn't be able to be late with rent etc!

Reading your post I get the impression that she may be quite immature? Sorry if I'm wrong here - it's easy to get things lost in translation online I know!! But to me, it was worrying that she'd fallen out with mum, moved house. Fallen out with boss, changed job. Decided to move in with sister, changed mind. Agreed (or been made aware) that she would be expected to pay rent, not bothered. Maybe immature is a bit harsh, perhaps I should have said impulsive!!

The thing is, it's not fair to her or to you for her to be living rent free anywhere. You need a contribution towards her bills, and she needs to learn how to budget for the essential spends in life, and prioritising her budget.

Sorry bit long winded, but I would set it at 35 - 40% of take home money. This means that if she does get full time work etc, her contribution will increase pro rata. A much better deal than she would get from a private landlord!!

Maybe sit her down with bills etc, show her how much things cost. Show her some ads from the local paper to give her an idea what she would be paying in private accomodation etc.

One last suggestion- if you set her payments pro rata to her earnings, is she the type who might choose not to work rather than hand over a chunk of her wages? If so try my grandma's formula as given to my dad years ago- "If you work, you pay me half of your money... if you're on the dole you pay me all of it" :rotfl:

bertiebots

If her income is going to be reduced just charge her the same % as before . At £60 pw out of an income of £200+ sounded very fair to me. So 25% (obviously not exact;)) of whatever she earns is fair I think. If she is old enough to earn the money and spend it then she has to learn that it is expensive to run a house. Let her try and find her own place for that....impossible:eek: Why dont you both sit down with her and show her a run down of your monthly outgoings?
Maybe I do have a bit of a hard view on this I suppose to some people but I was running my own house at 17. I was married with a baby and a mortgage at 23:).
At 16 when I started work full time I earned £25pw (training scheme) and had to pay £10 pw board and had a £5 pw bus pass....left me with a tenner:(

pulliptears

goldengirl39 wrote: »

at one stage wanted to charge me for doing my ironing which I refused to pay her for.

:eek::eek:

I'd have pointed her in the direction of the door! What a selfish little madam she sounds.

kegg_2

I think the £240 is a reasonable amount even if her hours have been reduced.

If she wants special diet food then she should buy that herself as well.

kindofagilr

I earned £1000 and paid £300 a month to my mother, and I shared cooking tea and cleaning duties too.

tanith

I'd say a third of whatever she takes home is fair..

ninky_2

i think you should discuss it with her father and let him make the ultimate decision.

i don't think you can make decisions like this as if she were your own child.

captainspam

I am a mum of 4 boys and 2 of them work ( 19 and 18) they both earn just under £200 a week and i take £30 a week from them. For this i do all their washing, ironing and cook them an evening meal. They buy their own takeawys if they want them and anything else that they want for themself. I know i undercharge but it works for us.

euronorris

I think between 25-30% of net income is more than reasonable.

My parents charged me less, but I wish they had charged me more as it would've really helped me to learn to budget better before moving out.

If she's so shocked, and resists, saying it's 'unfair', you can always suggest that the 'fairest' way to do it then is to split ALL household bills equally between you, your OH and her. Suddenly, your original offer will seem much better to her!

If she wants to be treated like an adult then she needs to act like one. As others have said, if she were living in her own place, she would still have to pay for the days she isn't there - just like the rest of us.

Better to teach her about the real world now, than she find out on her own later and not be able to cope sufficiently.

euronorris

ninky wrote: »

i think you should discuss it with her father and let him make the ultimate decision.

i don't think you can make decisions like this as if she were your own child.

Why not? It is also the OP's house, not just the father's. As an adult, she needs to contribute to the bills that the OP AND the father are paying for.

On that basis, I think she has equal rights to decide how much.

Approaching the subject etc, however, should be led by the father.