Fight or Flight? - friend despised daughter but didn't update old will.

absolutelybrassic

Nine years ago I moved in with a friend as a lodger, who had an otherwise empty house following the end of his second marriage. Over that period we developed an almost father/son relationship (he was 24 years my senior) and I helped him through some very difficult times as he struggled with COPD (lung disease) that made him weak and frail (average weight 7 1/2 stone) and trying to keep the house he loved following his divorce.

I knew he had made a will in 2003 out to his daughter and granddaughter from his first marriage, this he saw as the only option as although she had had drug problems and spent beyond her means his two children from this second marriage had sided with their mother and disowned him so he wanted them to get nothing. He would visit his daughter and granddaughter once every few months, they lived 50 miles away at the time, always returning on the same day as he found it too much.

At about the same time he did a 'tenancy' agreement for my protection, saying that it would mean I could continue to live in his house should anything ever happen to him – sadly the CAB have said it is worthless. We had discussed me taking over the mortgage to keep the house once he reached 65 when his disability assistance would have ceased.

Three years ago ago the house next door came up for sale and the daughter sold her house and bought that one, a situation he was not too happy with and even discussed moving to get away from her. About the same time another lodger called Mark moved in who was also a good friend.

Another friend of his, who was a regular visitor to the Philippines, suggested that he come with him on a trip, something I fully supported as I thought he should get out there and enjoy himself while he still could. He had a couple of months out there and came back looking a lot younger and healthier. He went on further trips and met a lady who he formed a relationship with, built a house for, and ultimately planned to marry.

Sadly his daughter, who was already having money problems, did not approve fearing her inheritance was about to disappear and set about trying to take control of her fathers life. Regular blazing rows occurred along the theme of 'you love her more than you love your family' and 'you're spending your granddaughter's inheritance'. He came to hate her and hated coming home because she was just next door and could get at him. He had to travel 9000 miles just to get any peace. Friends had asked him why he didn't just sell the house and move out and his answer would be that he didn't want to see me and Mark homeless.

The daughter had an inner door key to change his bedsheets occasionally and more recently things started going missing from the house; money, booze, even perfume he had bought for his girlfriend. He found them in the daughter's house when they asked him to look after their dog and gave him a key. Most distressing was a set of twelve monthly plates which he wanted to take with him to the Philippines when three of them went missing – the same three turned up next door and the mother and granddaughter both lied saying they'd got them at a boot fair. He wanted no more to do with them and got the outer door lock fixed so that she could not enter the house and fitted padlocks to all the bedroom doors as well. It was like being under seige. He said that he was going to see that 'the place goes to you and Mark' and not 'that thing' next door.

On his last trip he had intended to marry his girlfriend (which, I have found out on here may have voided his previous will), calculating that he just had time for all the paperwork to go through and he had packed some spirits for the reception that weren't available over there. On the morning before leaving for the airport she had three rows with him trying to stop him going, he was ashen and said 'she's trying to kill me'. I felt powerless to intervene as it was a family matter. When I got him to the airport the stress had weakened him so much that I had to get a wheelchair from the car park to the check-in desk.

He never really recovered, spending most of this trip in and out of hospital in the Philippines and on Jan 3rd at midnight Mark got a call from him saying bring me home. Mark flew the next day and they returned a week later and he was immediately admitted to hospital. Even then when the daughter was visiting him (next of kin) she was causing him stress by having rows with him. I visited him one evening and it looked like he was getting better but the next evening when I visited he was on oxygen and said that she'd been in in the day and had a row and he'd had a panic attack over it and could I tell her to stay away. He also said he thought she was trying to kill him with stress and was worried that if he made it home she might have it in her to put a pillow over his face. He also kept repeating that 'the place' was going to me and Mark, 'the boys' he called us, as we'd always been loyal to him and stuck with him through thick and thin. We informed the nurses who had seen what was going on and they agreed that she was bad for him and I text the daughter and very politely asked that her dad had asked for a few days rest. She text back agreeing but then we found out that she'd gone up the next day and when the nurses refused her access had a blazing row with them.

Sadly he passed away a few days later.

So now I'm dealing with four emotions; grief at losing my friend, guilt at not properly protecting my friend when he was a his weakest, fury at the daughter and the wicked things I saw her do to her father, and losing my home as the daughter wants me and Mark out in a fortnight so she can sell the house. All I have is a caravan to move into. She has the 2003 will and the executor, who frankly hasn't got the bottle to stand up to her, hasn't even seen it since the day it was written. If there were any superseding wills I'm sure they'd have been found and destroyed when she had access to the house. All I have is hearsay as he rarely wrote anything down. The home is just an empty shell as all the life is gone from the place without him, I wouldn't care if he gave the place to a cat's home, it's just the injustice of seeing the daughter profit from everything that she did to him.

The question is do I fight for what my friends wishes were or should I walk away as this may be a battle I cannot win?

misgrace

I cannot offer you any advice, and am sure others will be along that can, but I just wanted to send you {{{{ hugs}}}} as this is such a sad story, and you must be hurting so bad, you are dealing with the loss of a good friend, and what you know is a battle thats coming next from the daughter.
I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you, and please let us know how it goes.:)

bertiebots

This story is so sad and a little close to home for me...never ceases to amaze me what family members are capable of doing to each other. All I can say is do what in your heart is best for you in the long term.

As an afterthaught is it possible fo you and your other friend to combine forces, so to speak ,and find somewhere else to live away from this sadness. It doesnt have to affect your choice regarding what to do about the will. Doesnt she have to give you a full months notice if you have a tenancy agreement btw (its a while since I rented so I dont know the law).

lavidaloca

I can't see how you can fight this if you don't have a will in your favour which supercedes the one she has.


I'd walk away with my head held high safe in the knowledge that I had done all I could to make my friend's life better.

Money plus families what a combination!

choille

This is so sad & my condolences.

Have to echo what others have said - just walk away if you can.
Hope things work out well for you - you deserve a lucky time ahead.

RAS

Hi

Sorry to hear your news.

On a very practical level, you need to get some urgent advice on your housing situation.

if you ever paid your friend anything towards "rent", then the daughter cannot just turf you out at 2 week's notice.

Even if you are only lodging, if you decide to stay put, it will take some time for her to go through the legal process required to get possession of the house.

Speak to Shelter.

Savvy_Sue

I don't know if she realises, but she can't take the will to probate if she's not the executor, and the executor can't do anything without the original, either.

Have a good look round and make sure that there isn't a new will somewhere in the house, or a note to say where one is kept.

absolutelybrassic

Thanks everybody,

I'll be contacting a solicitor to see if I can get a free or low cost initial consultation to get their view on the situation.

ceridwen

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I don't know if she realises, but she can't take the will to probate if she's not the executor, and the executor can't do anything without the original, either.

Have a good look round and make sure that there isn't a new will somewhere in the house, or a note to say where one is kept.

That sounds like a valid point and worth looking into.

My fear is that this awful daughter might have stolen any more recent Will made. She will definitely have been hunting high and low for it in the house - you can be sure of that fact.

Fortunately - your friend knew what his daughter was like. This being the case - he will probably have anticipated her doing exactly that and might have taken precautions to avoid her being able to destroy any fresh wills.

This daughter will have looked in all the obvious places - BUT she might not have known about things like loose floorboards (which Dad might have taken up and hidden a secure container underneath) or loose bricks in the fireplace or underneath any water tank in the loft. Maybe even opening up any canned food in the larder (eg canned baked beans) - as there are fake foodcans on the market that he might have bought and used for "storage" purposes. Is there any DIY project he completed at some point - and kept mentioning rather a lot....?

Personally - I think you have nothing to lose (apart from a few hours of your time) and potentially much to gain (including ensuring a bit of "justice" against this awful daughter) by searching the house for the type of hideyholes that only the homeowner would be likely to know about. Also check out things like baked bean cans in the larder - as there are "fake" ones around to use for "storage" purposes.

I do hope things work out for you and your friend and that your landlord can manage to "rest easy in his grave" that things do get sorted out to his satisfaction.

EDIT: If somewhere comes to mind - dont come back and tell us until you have checked it out (just in case "brat daughter" reads the Forum....). But it would be nice to have you come back later (once things have been safely dealt with) - to tell us if you have any good news after all.

FURTHER EDIT: Did your landlord have some very trusted confidante? Was he a regular churchgoer for instance - with a very trustworthy-type Vicar (who he might have entrusted with a new Will).

Errata

If the poor chap hated his daughter as much as the OP describes, wouldn't he have ensured any will he made was lodged somewhere safe like his bank or solicitor as he fully understood his daughter was stealing his belongings and couldn't be trusted.

New_leaf_5

Just to say wish you luck and my condolences.