Reformed shopaholic? please can you give me the benefit of your advice

Anglea

Rufus_the_Red wrote: »

Hi! I know this subject has a very long thread, but I've just surfed in as I'm desparate for some guidance. I am a compulsive spender, shopping mostly online these days. I am blessed with a very supportive spouse, though understandably he gets exasperated with me quite frequently. He has bailed me out time and time again, only for me to spend money like water. I go through phases when I don't spend but sadly they are short-lived, then I'm at it again. I have a splurge of my wardrobe occasionally, getting it to a manageable level; the contents of which are given to charity. That gives me a feeling of euphoria getting rid of the clutter; then I begin again buying and buying, the pattern going round and round in cycles. Most of the stuff isn't worn or only worn once or twice before it is given away.
Help!

Welcome to the thread

I can relate to getting rid of things only to buy more of the same.

I had an unhappy marriage which broke down and for most of the time I had a problem with compulsive shopping (magazines, books hobbies, clothes) as well as other addictive behaviour.

I tried to stop many times and often thought that I'd managed but found myself switching to another type of thing to buy instead.

Last summer I stopped and it happened in a very strange way. I found my soulmate on this site, very unexpected it was too.

From that moment onwards all my attention was diverted elsewhere.

So my advice is to try and find another focus which you can think about a lot but doesn't involve spending cash.

CompletelyLost

Rufus_the_Red wrote: »

Hi! I know this subject has a very long thread, but I've just surfed in as I'm desparate for some guidance. I am a compulsive spender, shopping mostly online these days. I am blessed with a very supportive spouse, though understandably he gets exasperated with me quite frequently. He has bailed me out time and time again, only for me to spend money like water. I go through phases when I don't spend but sadly they are short-lived, then I'm at it again. I have a splurge of my wardrobe occasionally, getting it to a manageable level; the contents of which are given to charity. That gives me a feeling of euphoria getting rid of the clutter; then I begin again buying and buying, the pattern going round and round in cycles. Most of the stuff isn't worn or only worn once or twice before it is given away.
Help!

^I think Anglea is right... when you have something else to focus your energies on, shopping becomes more of a hassle/chore than fun. There's also the bonus that you end up actually using the stuff you've already amassed and you just don't have time to go shopping for more.

I found that something bad happening to me killed my urge to spend, so it can work the other way around too. Makes spending money seem trivial really. Obviously it's better if you find a hobby or something positive and productive to fill your time with though

You also mentioned giving stuff to chairty... which is fair enough... but could you not try selling it on to recoup some funds?

Rufus_the_Red

Hi. Thanks to Anglea and Completely Lost for your helpful comments. Indeed I do have an interest, singing tenor in a Gospel Group which is always rehearsing for concerts. It's when I check my emails at the end of the day that I go on to look at shopping sites and get sucked in so to speak. Trouble is, I like to look smart and buy more classic style clothing that doesn't seem to go out of fashion; so it's always on-site to buy. Granted, I use sales mostly, but I'm still spending money. Maybe I should discard my computer eh, to avoid temptation - but it's nice to find a soulmate out there. Lucky you Anglea.

Anglea

I didn't realise you were tempted by online deals. That must be really difficult to deal with if you use the computer a lot.

Have you tried looking at the sites, putting items into your basket so you get that thrill of getting a bargain, but not literally ordering it?

Mischa8

I just thought I would update some views and try to get advice too.

I am like many of the *over-spenders* here - often I see something and buy it to fill a void, maybe a bad day at work or something.

Anyway, recently I have been trying these tactics to stay away from spending:-
* Stay away from Ebay! That means *not searching* for
items I like/might like etc.

* Stay away from friends/relatives who like to shop and
enable you to shop (I have one of these and she is a
nightmare!).

* Either don't sign up for or ignore those designer sale emails.

I was on a hen weekend recently and saw/wanted a lot (we were in Brighton) but due to limited funds etc had to restrain myself.

My advice wanted is:-

• how/why/what do you do to sort out wardrobes for Ebay etc? I have tons of things like suits/nice dresses etc. Some that I would wear more than once. I don't seem to be able to sort them out though.

• Should I go for the idea of it's not been worn in last year then ditch it or if I have 2 similar black tops ditch them.

I would *like to sell* on Ebay but more than happy to donate some stuff to charity shops.

I wanted to say again (thought I said it in last post) great support on this thread - especially when it makes people take a long hard look at themselves and *why* they shop and overspend and what you could do better with the money.

I must admit last week, a co-worker of mine bought a pair of Dune boots in dept store with discount, another discount because her mum is a customer (sort of loyalty scheme), THEN she upgraded to an iPhone and she's bought 2 new tops in the past month, PLUS booked her holiday. I just thought - how can you do this?! especially as I know she has debts (she's told me!) that she pays x amount of money to every month i.e. she has an agreement with them.

Anyway rant over and keep up good work here!:D

Anglea

Hi Mischa

I never sell anything on Ebay so you'll have to wait until someone else chimes in. I find that no matter where the destination - recycling bin, charity shop etc it's SO HARD TO PART with the items.

Perhaps your friend uses uses discount codes for everything including the phone.

Well done on your progress.

velocity.girl_2

Just checking in to see how you all are?

This thread has been dead a long time sadly.

Anglea

Hi we are doing well, some of us still in regular contact away from the thread.

How about you? How are your shopping habits these days?

velocity.girl_2

hey Angela, Great to hear from you!
Glad some of you still keep in touch.

I'm ok...i went a bit mental around christmas time and my health has been well a pain but finally found out what is wrong and getting medicated and treatment and hoping this will help.

I'm in full saving mode as the wedding date has finally been set for next year and lots of things are booked and the dress brought.

happy times :-)

Anglea

That's great. Must be a relief to discover what is wrong.