How much should I be spending on my daughter?

daviecol

I am married and we have 2 Children, a son of 18 and a daughter who's 16.

My son rarely asked for money when growing up, he now works and pays £20 a week board (great!).

My daughter on the other hand seems to ask for money constantly, 'I need this, I need that' seems to be all she says.

I was made redundant a 2 years ago and I don't earn as much now as I did. But we've been able to make cut backs here and there and, we have been able to pay our mortgage (albeit over a longer term) and meet all the other bills.

However I'm finding it hard to budget what's left due to my daughter constantly 'needing' money for things. I.E. clothes, the pictures, books, cds, concerts, mobile top ups, make up, and on and on and on.

For every time I say yes and give her money, I say no to about 10 times more often, I'm not a push over! And her friends all seem to get even more than she does!

How much do you all spend on your daughters??????

Any comments welcome, feel free to put your nose into my business.

sunshine_shell

when i was 16 i had a job and paid for everything like that, becasue of this my parents didn't ask for board money.

If really desperate set her an allowance in exchange for doing jobs round the house. If she thinks she just have money when she demands it this will go on forever!

snapping_crocodile

Can she not get a part time job to help fund her 'i needs'! ?:D

valkirn

My daughter is only 10 so i have yet to go through this...

But i seem to remember asking my dad for some money towards going to the cinema with some friends (i was 13) this would have been over and above the pocket money i normally recieved, his reply was .... "i will lend you it this once, but on your next available weekend you will look into getting a paper round to support your own social life"

I remember being put out at the time but i did get a paper round and did support my own social life lol

This was 19 years ago now though.. but would it be unreasonable to ask her to get a weekend job

Chakani

Well, to me the essentials come first, and what's left over after they are sorted (taking into account emergencies/unexpected expenses), can be divided up as you see fit. But only after other things are paid for.

Does she earn anything? I think a lot of teens pay for their own cinema etc

simpywimpy

Girls are very difficult. My 17yr old son has £10pw spends plus a phone with a £10 contract - no problems

Daughter on the other hand, approaching 16 requires make-up, cinema, taxi fares, clothing, etc etc the list is endless.

She currently gets £40 a month clothing allowance and £20pw spends but rarely sticks to that. She probably spends another £20 on top of that per week

stef240377

My daughter is 15, she has a contract phone which i pay £10 a month for but that is only 100min and 100 text. If she goes over that it has to come out of her pocket money. She gets £5 a week pocket money. Clothes wise i spend roughly £100 over the year for her. If she wants all the labelled named clothes they either have to come from her clothing allowance or she pays for them out of money given to her for birthdays and xmas from family members.Shoes/Trainers are only replaced once the last pair have had it unless she buys her own. As for extra spends it depends what it is, next weekend she is away from home with school for her gcse pe trip that cost £115 but as it goes towards her grade i found it essential for her to attend as the mark she would gain in school for the same thing would only gain half the mark. Trips to the cinema etc are few and far between.

She attends army cadets twice a week and when the funding gets back in place for trips connected to the grading for this she will go away approx every 6/8 weeks at the cost of £5/£10 depending on the activity.

For make up i give her my NO7 VOUCHERS earnt in boots when you spend £5. Any other make up she has is again either bought out of pocket money or gifts. She has never been to a concert and if this was something she wanted she would have to have the ticket as part of a gift be it xmas or birthday.

fernliebee

I think this question is like- how long is a piece of string? Basically it is whatever you can afford, and if it is being spent on things you feel she needs/ or are worthy (for want of a better word, ie I would say yes to £3 for swimming, but no to £3 for some alcopops )

COnsider things such, whether you buy her toiletries and cosmetics? These can be vastly expensive if free choice is given, so my mum would buy essentials like sanitary wear, deodorant, body spray, shampoo and conditioner etc, but I would have to buy any make-up, and if I wanted 'posh' shampoo I would have to get that (I used to use aussie haircare which is a bit pricey)

As for clothes and the like, my mum would give me my child benefit to buy things I needed (or really wanted ) but non essentials and extras I would have to save for.

Activities wise my mum and dad would pay for them to an extent. We could give anything a try but if she really couldn't afford the activity then we would have to put towards it, but this was never an issue for me really, I tended to just do swimming, and my main expense was my horse. My mum couldn't afford to pay towards the upkeep of a horse and said so from the start but my dad would pay for some and I worked my butt off babysitting, doing odd jobs, feeding cats and walking dogs for friends of the family while on hols.

My family were not well off at all, but every penny there was spare was split between me and my brothers and we never missed out. I would say sit down and work out a budget with your daughter, see what she thinks she needs to buy and see if you agree. If she has a set allowance to cover what is neccessary, an knows that she MUST stick to it or earn more herself, then it will stop all the asking and you deciding yes or no constantly. It will be clear to you all what is expected of each other.

Threebabes

Would you not give her a set amount each week or month, and tell her she has to get all her clothes, cds, cinema out of it? When its gone she has to wait for following month?

Not sure about the amount. My son is 14 and gets his pocket money every month £20 and we buy all his clothes but he never asks for anything clothes or otherwise. Any PS3 games he wants he saves up for.

shellsuit

I didn't ask my parents for anything!

I had a Saturday job from the age of 11 and stayed at the same place till I left school and they took me on full time. In school holidays I'd work full time hours and when I was 13+ I'd work on a Thursday after school till 8pm.

If your daughter WANTS things and doesn't NEED then, then give her a kick up the backside and tell her to get herself a little job.

StrawberryYogurt

My daughter is 16, I feel your pain! We use to buy her credit under the understanding that she must always have some on in case she ever needed to contact us in case of being stuck somewhere as she travels a lot for college (part time)...but she use to use it all up very quickly texting her friends, so we stopped that!

She now has a little Saturday job and thats all the money she gets! I did offer to make up a little job round the house rota for her so she could earn herself some more..but she declined that offer! So I dont see why I should give her spends for her social life when she doesn't want to do anything in return for it. So her little Saturday job has to keep her in the social life she is trying to become accustomed to! lol

We do buy her toiletries and stuff though in the weekly shop. But if she wants a big purchase she has to pay for it herself or pay us back. Recently she wanted hair extensions, we got them and she pays us back weekly, so far she has stuck to it to! I am quite impressed lol We also do not buy any "fad" toiletries...she gets what she is given etc...make up and stuff she has to buy herself.

The reason she got a little Saturday job is because we said enough is enough...it was getting scary the amount we were paying out on her...so we said you will get a set amount of pocket money, a week and for that you will do jobs. She soon got the job when she realised that we would stick to it.

I know its hard, its so easy to feel guilty when they talk about all their "friends" having stuff etc..