what is acceptable??

tessasmum

We also go for "treats" more than gifts at birthdays now that the DDs are getting older - one took her friend ice-skating for the afternoon, and the other had a cinema trip. Mine understand that they get things as and when they need them through the year, so there isn't any need to have heaps for birthdays and Christmas. We are Christians and go along the "four gifts (gold, frankincense, myrhh, and a lamb) was good enough for Jesus" line of thought, so we don't overdo it. Those four gifts are not always expensive - and sometimes, they have to bridge Christmas and Birthday - the elder DD wanted a laptop for schoolwork, so she got one (from the lower end of the market), but that was really all she got across both occasions one year, but she understood and she got what she wanted. She did get "bits" in her stocking at Christmas too! I hope that helps a little, although I know that each family's approach will be slightly different.

conradmum

I spend about £100 each on my boys for Christmas and birthdays. They're 20, 17 and 6. It helps that TV is banned in our house so they have less of an idea of everything that's available. :rotfl:

Maybe if you show your partner this thread he'll see that lots of people don't feel the need to spend quite so much?

Curious_George_2

i write a list of things i want to buy for my kids ranging from the big stuff to very little bits and everything in between and when family / friends ask what they want for christmas we talk about what they want to spend (or i make a guess depending on previous presents & insider information lol) and i suggest things from the list,

that way the kids get everything i want them to have (all stuff i know will get used, wanted and loved) but i dont have to buy it all!

Loadsabob

A bit opinionated on this, me, but I do think a lot of peoples' strings are being pulled by advertisers, friends and their kids, and that the more people who are 'realistic' about their spending on kids' birthdays, the less pressure there will be on everyone to keep up with the Jones' kids!

I'm 33, so I'm sure my experiences are waaaay out of date, but nonetheless, I remember the excitement of getting my Fashion Wheel (what's that, a tenner?) as much as my first cassette walkman, and my first midi-hi-fi for my bedroom.

What I really remember, is that there was no sense of injustice when my parents would say to me, "Your brother wants a bike this Christmas, and seeing as you had your stereo last Christmas, this will balance the 'big' presents. There was never a feeling that they had to spend identical amounts on each of us EVERY time - because over a couple of years, it always balanced out as fair, but it meant that in a year when I wanted a 'big' present, they didn't have to spend silly money (which back then was maybe £60-£100?!!) on my brother just to make it 'fair'.

Also, I find many people ARE spending the same on their 4 year old as their 13 year old, and I can't understand the logic in that. It makes the parents feel 'fair', but the kids have differing awareness about money, and also differing needs to fill them with excitement beyond belief. I wish more parents would take that into account, and not spend £400 on their 5 year old just because theire 14 year old is having a laptop.

I think the concept of 'fair' has lost its way within some families. 'Fair' is now often taken to mean spending exactly the same on each child at exactly the same time. Whereas I think it is 'fair' to give major presents to children in different years from their siblings, and to let younger children know that as they get older, they too will receive larger and more 'grown-up' presents...that's not even to get me started on how this helps instill positive values in children!

PS - I hope you can extract the advice from what probably mainly looks like opinion in my post!

Justamum

Completely agree Loadsabob. My youngest got the most presents at Xmas, but had the least spent on her (as they get older what they want gets smaller and more expensive).

What the heck is a Fashion Wheel? I don't remember those and I'm older than you (46)

charliee_3

Justamum wrote: »

Completely agree Loadsabob. My youngest got the most presents at Xmas, but had the least spent on her (as they get older what they want gets smaller and more expensive).

What the heck is a Fashion Wheel? I don't remember those and I'm older than you (46)

i remember fashion wheel (i am 34)... I never had one but it was a circular thing with different hats, tops, skirts/ trousers and you could spin them round and then you sort of brass rubbed it to make a picture of your chosen outfit.

to be honest i remember what my brother got for Xmas's more than what i got..

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It's been a good year - £150 each for birthday and £189 (yes, I do match them to the £1 - never wanted to make it an issue, so always kept them at parity) for Christmas. Whether this year coming is the same, I don't know yet - but I've only got one more big one for DD1 (she'll be 18), and she'll be at Uni in the following summer (sob!) so I'm going to try my hardest, just so she always remembers that 'we never had much, but Mum always got me as much as she could for my birthday and Christmas'.

By the following Christmas, she'll probably be asking for money to pay her rent or food parcels, so I won't be buying so many presents for her anymore.

Alison_Funnell

Probably about £150+ for DDs b/day and about £50-100 for xmas. We see b/days as being more important to an individual. DH about the same. Mum about £50-100..

Sounds a bit odd but I am an only child, parent of an only child (even though she is 20!) and my mum is single. So those are the people I spoil.:o:o

snugglepet20

This year I spoiled my son with expensive presents spending hundreds of pounds as per usual. The only things he plays with are his numberjacks annual from poundland and a talking rescue pack which cost £8.99, he has never even looked at his robotic tiger or the computer games! :rotfl:

Karrie2129

I am 27 and am usually the one that pays for Christmas (dad disabled, sister dad's carer). I decided that as I was still paying for Christmas 2008 that 2009 would be alot leaner! Set a budget of £40 each and we had just as good a day and we had to be more creative- my favourite pressie was a jacket my sister bought for £1 in a charity shop! And better still no scary credit card bills!