what is acceptable??

ubamother

Can I put a little note of warning in this thread? Similar threads were over on the special occasions board before Christmas and they fairly quickly degenerated into very defensive posts with people defending their own position and negating the position of others. It's not right to brag a. about how much you spend or b. about how little you spend or c. who has the moral high ground and that's the danger here - which I'm sure all of us clever unself-righteous nonjudgemental OS'ers will spot. I think discussions with hubby are needed here - maybe encourage him to take some control over next Christmas - if he can save the money (over and above agreed financial controls) he can spend it on Christmas. Is 13 yr old getting the money, or some of it, from the ebay sales? Could saving this, and choosing what to buy with it be a good move to help her start as good money manager?

Winged_one

DD's birthday is the day after Christmas, so she gets everything together. We spent about €200 on birthday and Christmas things for her - a scooter (that she made a beeline for every time DH brought her to bike shop for bits for his bike), a skipping rope (requested), Peppa Pig Hide and Seek (requested), clothes (useful and from sales), a couple of books, and some other small bits (art stuff, fruit and sweets, some play food for her kitchen).

I pick up bits and pieces as I see them that I know she'd like during the year on special offers. And clothes - I buy them in the sales for the next size up, and often they will be in the presents pile.

I'd prefer to spend a reasonable amount on things we KNOW she'll use (hence the books, arts n crafts things etc) than a LOAD of money on things she may not.

rachbc

i think you should spend what you can comfortably afford and want to spend - neither getting more nor less presents makes you a better or worse parent.

My daughter for a £30 playmobile campervan that she adores plus my son got a phone he thinks is the bee knees that was £80 plus a couple of smaller things each. In previous years my son has had a laptop, a wii a psp etc because we had more money when he was an only one (and my hubby is gadget mad!)

jasperconran

Hi all,

thanks for all the quick responses. It wasnt my intention to offend/upset anyone, and if I did I apologise.

I was just curious as to what other people do with their kids when in debt, cos I am sick and tired of my DH feeling guilty if we dont get our DD alot of stuff!!! its ridiculous, she isnt bothered, she is a good kid and doesnt ask for alot at all. Its just him!!!! he needs to get these stupid ideas out of his head, that if we dont spend alot, its wrong or something!! I need to retrain his way of thinking lol. anyway thanks again for your responses, its appreciated:)

charliee_3

my son is 2, we spent a lot this year as we just finished his playroom so we bought lots of new toys to go in it (kitchen from ikea with accessories was about £100 plus lots of other bits and pieces). his birthday is in November so he gets a whole lot of stuff in a short time. once he is old enough to choose his own toys i think i will let him choose £50 worth of toys for xmas and £20 for his birthday, this is what we use to do as kids. coming up to Xmas we would look though the catalogue and work out what we wanted to spend our money on. i think it helps teach the value of things as we would try to get the best value for our money that we could. if we wanted something that was more we had to club together presents from other relatives to make up the value.. i think it is ridiculous the amount that people spend on their kids these days and as someone else said it seems to be the people who have the least who spend the most. and the people who i know who actually have a lot of money spend only a few pounds on each other/ buy second hand goods..

ubamother

jasperconran wrote: »

Hi all,

my DH feeling guilty if we dont get our DD alot of stuff!!! its ridiculous, she isnt bothered, she is a good kid and doesnt ask for alot at all. Its just him!!!! he needs to get these stupid ideas out of his head, that if we dont spend alot, its wrong or something!! I need to retrain his way of thinking lol. anyway thanks again for your responses, its appreciated:)

It is a very normal way of thinking - advertising and marketing are clever and insidious and its very easy to think we are not affected - of course we all are whether we admit it or not - reacting against something is still being affected by it after all. I'm pretty sure parental guilt starts at conception and just escalates from there! I do wonder if it is how the macho hunter-gatherer competitiveness thing shows itself in modern man. They can't prove themselves by bringing home the biggest mammoth, so the biggest Christmas present is the equivalent??!

Reverbe

I saw something on tv once about the fact that we dont as adults remember the presents we got at Xmas and Birthdays etc but the experiences and the whole atmos of Christmas etc. I personally cannot remember a single present I got at Christmas or birthday to the extent that when I was asked in a survey the kind of gifts I used to get I really struggled to recall them and had to put what I imagined I used to get... imagine if my parents had wasted £600 a time on things so insignificant to me that my mind didnt store it...

Mr_Lahey

I spend about £50 each for the kids birthdays, but then their mother pays about the same. The party then usually comes in about £100 so it does all add up.
For Christmas this year was about £250 each but then we went to Florida for 2 weeks so that added up.

But i suppose really it depends what they want, if say my son wanted something that was £60 that'd be fine but i think its easy to get carried away. You have to treat them, but not spoil them.
I give my kids (5 and 8) £2 spend each Friday and for that i expect a few chores doing. My son has a PS3 and he literally has to save up for 5 weeks to buy a game for himself - I have no problem with that.

pigpen

My oldest daughter had a little more than usual spent on her this year but she is 15 and it is so hard to get them stuff they want/need cheaply. I aim to spend around £150 at christmas each on them.. only the 7 that live at home as DS1 is 18 and living with his GF and son and financially independant supposedly I do not think it is my duty to get them stuff they do not need or have space for. They each get £20-£30 for birthdays too.

This year DD1 is getting a new computer/laptop depending on what I can get within a reasonable price range. She will be doing A-Levels and her computer she has had since she was 8 so it is a little past its best and not quite up to what she needs.. storing files for example lol.

The younger ones got new bedding as well as clothes and smellies that will all be used this christmas. The 2 older girls got rugs for their rooms too which were huge presents but fairly cheap and though it means I now have to repaint DD1's room and buy her a new bed it is a start. DD1 also got a new mobile.. it was a freebie as she is on contract, but obviously she doesn't know that

I think so long as you are happy spending what you do then it is fine.. but obviously you aren't so Papa needs a talking to.. you are living well beond your means and it isn't fair only one of you should be working towards dealing with that. It is a partnership so you should both be making headway.

Good luck!!

poppy-glos

this year i gave dd a choice for her birthday, a party or a treat, she chose the cinema, 3 of us went, then the next day we did a visit to warwick castle as a surprise (funded by tesco clubcard vouchers). Her pressie i gave her a cd (£10) and £20 to choose a pressie later (as her birthday is so close to xmas and she has everything). I think for the first time (thanks to this site) i have had a january were i have kept within my income.