how to tell DS age 4 dog has died ?

claireac

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss.

My dd is 3.5 (going on 16) and we had our dog pts just over a year ago due to a horrendous illness.

We told her he had gone to heaven and that now he was all better, and if she looks in the sky at night he will be a star. She's accepted this, still talks about him constantly and asks when he can come home and we just explain that he can't.

We live right by a huge grain silo storage place and it has lights of top (to warn air craft I presume) and she thinks the green one is Jaspers star, bless her.

What you need to remember is that yes your ds will most probably be upset, but kids are adaptable and he's young. Will take you a lot longer to get over it I promise .

jopsey

Firstly Thanks for all the lovely replies ,
DP offered to tell DS but I am sure he went to the same charm school as Doc Martin so braced myself to picked DS up from school ,broke the news to him on way home ,explained he was very poorly and his heart had stopped working and he had gone to a nicer place ,he then said he was sad but is the dog a zombie dog now ??:rotfl:think he has been watching too many cartoons .
He did ask more questions throughout the evening and I told him we were all sad and it was ok to feel that way .

I know its going to be hard on us all and it feels so weird not having him around ,but I have always had dog's in the family since I was DS age and know in time it does get easier ,love the suggestion of memory book not only for DS but for all of us, he was such a little devil and was always upto antics in his younger days would be nice to look back on in time xx

ali-t

keys wrote: »

" that is is very sad and that he is going to go to sleep soon - and when he does his body will go to heaven which is a nice place for all pets and animals go to "

.

Do not ever use go to sleep as an analogy for death. This is what leads to children being petrified to go to sleep for fear of never waking up and panicking that their friends and families will die when they go to bed for a sleep.

Like the others have said, I would go with honesty. children cope remarkably well.

dora37

Sadly on Friday, our dog was put to sleep. We told our 8 yr old that she had gone peacefully to live in heaven - she said back to us that Ruby 'had died nicely'.....which, whilst it was an awful and very sad thing to happen,thought that it was a lovely sentiment for her to have.

Really sorry about your dog, unfortunately I know how it feels - hope they took it ok.

fav77

Aw, I am really sorry for your loss. I hope your little lad isn't taking it too hard, poor mite. Kids are remarkably robust though, I loved the "zombie dog" comment, I think my youngest son would say exactly the same thing! When my Grandad died (peacefully in hospital), my middle boy, then 3 went round telling everybody that somebody had "shooted" him, complete with actions! It was about the only thing that put a smile on everyone's faces!
All the best to you all xx

BeenieCat

When our beloved cat died suddenly, i told my 5 year old the truth, but it led to a load of questions about heaven (that i couldn't answer!) but i'm glad i told the truth because my sisters dog died and she told her 4yo DD that she missed her puppies (she'd been used for breeding most of her life then sent to a rescue) so went back to the rescue. Her DD seems to think the dog might come back, i don't agree with lying about it.

Keefa_2

I've been through this a couple of times with my young children and our pets. Both times I started off with "you know that xxx wasn't very well and was very old?" ... "well, he died last night/this morning". Cue tears and cuddles. Ten minutes later everything back to normal. There have been tears since and we do talk about the animals deaths. I have explained both times that the vet came and how the animal was being cuddled while he/she died. We have shown them graves and explained how we bury the body.

I haven't ever used heaven, stars etc and I feel that telling a child that there's a possible link between death and sleeping isn't a good idea. That may sound harsh but as long as death is explained sensitively I think children cope better than we imagine.

saver_007

I'm glad I found this as my four year olds guinea pig died this morning.
Cannot bear to tell my 4&2yr old. When thier gran died this year I used the "grans gone to heaven" etc and this raised a lot of questions , eeek!
This is a hard one.Help

Curious_George_2

would it help them if you said gran was looking after the guinea pig now?

I have had to tell my DD about deaths (people and pets) way too often and it doesnt get any easier but i dont lie to her, I think its important that she gets as much or as little information as she wants / needs, if you tell the truth you dont have to remember whatever story it is that you have come out with...

our beloved cat Bob got run over last year and she was understandably upset, we buried him and its been very important to her to have somewhere to go,
she has always come with me to visit the grave of my best friend who died suddenly when DD was 4 so its natural for her to go to these places, say hello, chat away, lay flowers etc and still have a small connection

she knows that the bodies are in the ground, but thinks that the bob-ness of our cat, and the tammy-ness of my best friend are in heaven... not that any of us believe in god or heaven etc... but it seems right to ignore those facts when it comes to children and explaining death... to be honest shes more worried about ghosts! (but ive told her they dont exsist or aunty Tammy would have at least flicked me on the forehead by now! lol)

WolfSong2000

honesty is always the best policy in these situations...having said that, I can remember when 2 goldfish I had as a kid died...my parents took them out and buried them with a little ceremony and my father came out with the now infamous (in our family at least) words "they swam their best".

Other times, like when dogs have died, etc, my mother has just sat me down and told the truth - first dog died when I was 7/8 - she was old, but it was still a shock. I got to see her body before she was disposed of (not sure how they did it), and that made a big difference - made it more real, and therefore easier to accept.