should a child have to respond to dads wedding invite

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

A separate invitation makes it clear that son is invited even if mum decides she does not wish to attend, and treats him more as a young man rather than a little boy.

I think this is quite diplomatic, considering how some people seem to be around the whole remarriage business. I have seen a lot of posts stating that children are expressly forbidden if they do not have specific invitations - at least that's not the case here, as one invitation would imply that ex OP was invited but not son (following that logic).

Assuming that it was obvious he would attend discounts quite how unpleasant this can get. It won't hurt to send a separate RSVP.

One of my exes refused to send his sister an RSVP, which really upset her because she was keeping them all as a reminder of everyone who came to the wedding. She may have been a total bridezilla, but she drew the line at taking a register before the ceremony started!

Susan_Frost

If an invitation has been made, then a RSVP is usually expected. But I certainly dont think it need be in writing, not from a 12 year old. But a phone call to say - thanks, I got the invite, yes I'll be there - would be appropriate.

It is a RESPONSE, and yes, it is lovely to get a card or letter back, but is it so essential. When I got married I sent everyone invitation cards, but felt verbal replies were fine. We got a mixture of verbal, texts, cards, voicemail.

jellyhead

I can see why he was sent an invite but I don't understand why anyone would expect a written reply from their own child - do they not speak to them? Written replies are just for the people you don't have regular contact with, surely?

and if someone hasn't formally replied, wouldn't you just call them and ask if they're coming?

mrcow

No - a 12 year old doesn't have to put in a formal reply.

Neither would any other (very) close relative whose attendance would be imperative. For example, I wouldn't expect my mother to rsvp to any event I was having - especially if I already knew she was coming!

oystercatcher

I can imagine plenty of families with acrimonious seperations where a child could easily be prevented from attending his fathers wedding for numerous reasons.

As mentioned if the bride's parents are organising the wedding they may not know the child well enough to take it for granted that he will attend.

I think it is also an excellent lesson in manners to reply formally. It's not going to take long for a 12 year old to write a short letter or card to confim that he will be coming. Formal manners have to be learned.
My Ex husband had no idea that you had to be formally invited to weddings, we very nearly gatecrashed the wedding reception of someone he knew from college until I suddenly realised he didn't have an invitation and explained how it all worked, he thought it was just like a big party.

ETA: My mother would be most offended if she didn't recieve an invitation to an event I was organising and would take great pleasure in formaly replying, it takes all sorts to make the world.

Savvy_Sue

mrcow wrote: »

Neither would any other (very) close relative whose attendance would be imperative. For example, I wouldn't expect my mother to rsvp to any event I was having - especially if I already knew she was coming!

But what if you didn't know if your mother was coming to your own wedding? Because she hadn't made ANY response to the invitation, which we'd sent out ourselves because it's a bit difficult to organise your daughter's wedding if you're not speaking to her.

jellyhead wrote: »

and if someone hasn't formally replied, wouldn't you just call them and ask if they're coming?

Which is why I had to phone my father and ask if he and mum would be there, because I had no idea if he was planning to walk me down the aisle or if I needed to ask someone else to do it! His response: "Of course we're coming." "But I haven't heard from her." "Oh, don't worry about her, you know what she's like." As indeed I did ...

seven-day-weekend

I think it was nice to formally invite the boy and treat him a a grown-up. His other parent should also have treated him like a grown-up and encouraged hime to respond formally.

mrcow

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

But what if you didn't know if your mother was coming to your own wedding? Because she hadn't made ANY response to the invitation, which we'd sent out ourselves because it's a bit difficult to organise your daughter's wedding if you're not speaking to her.

Like I said, it depends on how close you are. I speak to my Mum 3-4 or more times a day and normally see her most days too. We're very close - I certainly wouldn't plan a wedding without clearing the date with her first - there would be no question that her or any of my children wouldnt be attending.

I'd probably send her an invite because she'd like that, but there's no way on earth I'd expect (or get!) an rsvp.

Gingham_Ribbon

Nothing wrong with clarifying whether or not the lad is attending. However, if it's a case of 'he's not coming now because he didn't tell me whether or not he'd be there' then that is different.

I would expect any parent to include the child as much as possible in the preperations and try to make them feel like it was their day too. So, not only would I not invite the child, but I'd be asking him to help make the invitations for everyone else.

DeeDee74

I wouldn't expect a 12year old to do a formal reply exc when it's your own child.