How do I cope with interfering Neighbours ?

Dazzieboo

I have been so impressed with the help the forum members give other people, I thought I would see if some of you can give me some sensible, level headed answers to a problem I have.

I have lived in the same village for 18 years, we moved in shortly after we married, have since had two kids, Husband left 14 months ago and I have no plans to go anywhere as this is what I call "home", and I feel happy apart from a worrying point and that is someone is "out for me" and I really don't know who.

It started 4 years ago, when I reprimanded my Daughter for tripping up my Son into the road, I was really angry and made her cry, for this I was reported to Social Services, it was explained to me they had received a complaint from a very distressed member of the public and had to follow it up. A few months later, I had a row with my Husband (in the house) he got very cross and smashed a plate, I took myself off to bed. The Police received a distressing call from a phone box by someone claiming to be me, telling them my Husband was killing me. They of course came out pronto to find me fast asleep in bed, they had a recording of the voice and it sounded nothing like me, so case closed.
The next thing to happen was, I came home from work to find 2 Social Workers outside my house, demanding to see inside my Garage, they had received a complaint from a neighbour, saying I had sedated my Daughter and locked her in the garage all day, of course the garage was empty and it hadn't occured to them to check the School where she had been all day. Following that, I had yet another visit from Social Services a complaint had been made that I neglect my children in favour of my Pony, the same week I was reported to the RSPCA for starving the same pony.
I got reported to the local Council for having an abandoned caravan in my garden. And finally last night, I came home from the cinema to find a Policeman waiting for me, earlier in the evening, my Son had wandered off away from his friends and I got frantic with worry, so when I found him, I was really cross / stressed / relieved and yelled at him to get in the car. It was reported that the neighbour thought I was going to kill my Son, but they didn't phone the Police straight away, they left it 2.5 hours.
The Policeman was regarding it as a malicious call and would get back to the person who reported it.

I am not sure if I can really take much more, I have no idea who it is, however after last night the field has been narrowed down a bit. I am asthmatic and the stress is doing me no good at all. I have friends who are trying to find out who it is, but what do I do when I find out ?. The Policeman agreed I was the victim of a hate campaign but offered no help on how to tackle it.

If anyone has been in a similar situation, I would like to know how you tackled it and if you got any support and from who. Thanks.

garret1

This must be horrible for you. Sorry I don't have much costructive advice other than keep chasing the police. If they know who made the last call can they not question her further about the previous allegations?
Hope you get some help on here.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

What a rotten situation. I'm sure other posters will have ideas. Perhaps in the light of the latest event you could talk to the policeman who attended telling him about all the previous incidents and ask him if the police can discover if the same neighbour is responsible for all the malicious reports.
As the stress is making your asthma worse, it may be wise to make your gp aware of this for future reference.

tee_pee_2

how awful for you.
But on the good side. Ring the police back and if pos speak to the bobby that spoke to you and ask him if you can give his collar number to the Soc ser ( or even better can he speak to them direct) advise SS about what the police have said and it the two speak to each other and the police give the address of your nasty neighbour- fingers crosseed it will be the same address that ss has, and maybe they will see a pattern.

You could pos then see a solicitor and press charges for slander.

dellybelly_2

Oh goodness, what a terrible thing to do to someone. I can understand in a very small way how you are feeling as I was once reported to my head office by a customer because they didn't like the way I was asking my staff to wash the floor! - People are weird.

The only advice I can offer you is to keep a diary of these things that are happening to you. A simple notebook will do, just make sure that you note the date/time/if anyone was there/what was said or done about it/what consequences there were for you (an asthma attack for example). If the wicked person ever gets caught, your diary may be used as evidence to prosecute them.

Good luck for the future.

Lillibet_2

You poor thing Dazziboo, what a utterly horrible situation.

I cannot add anything constructive except to suggest try to diarise these events with as much detail as possible including who took what action (social services, police etc & details of the attending parties) & can you ask for a copy of their final reports, then next time this happens you have historical data showing that this is a re-occuring pattern & that you have always been exonerated (sp? sorry, it's getting late!)
I doubt if the police/SS etc can tell you who has been making the complaints but they might be able to talk to each other. It might be worth while talking to citizens advice too, they may be able to step in on your behalf. I would also second seeing your GP & getting the medical effects (asthma, stress, depression etc) documented for future reference.
I assume you have racked your brain for all the obvious possible culprits? Don't wish to be nosey but did your husband leave as the result of an affair or could a spurned lover be to blame? Have your children ever been bullied as bullies can sometimes involve their victims' whole family in a bid to wear down their target victim.

Thats all I can think of for now.

HTH & good luck;)

Bossyboots

My friend was the victim of a hate campaign and to this day we do not know who it was. His actually stopped once he got the police on side and they became a visible presence at his house. They would drive by and regularly stop in and this seems to have been enough to scare whoever it was off from doing anything else.

I dont want to put the details of what he went through on here, but his home and work life suffered. He was also involved with his children's school in a high profile way and some of the things that happened would have ruined that for him if they had been believed. The family were even targeted on Christmas Day and it was the events of that day that finally led the police to become pro active in putting a stop to it.

Although he would like to know who was responsible, he is relieved it is over but it was a terrible time.

I do think it is now time for you to ask the police to give you support and hopefully that will put a stop to what is going on.

I do have to wonder whether your husband has anything to do with this, whether directly or indirectly. Is that a possibility?

Turning_into_scrooge

Is there any way this could be a connection with you ex husband? It was my first thought after reading your post. I wouldn't be a bad idea to mention to the police officer to check it out, and thinking you may have a good relationship with him even though you are separated means nothing. My ex husband tried to totally discredit me to everyone he knew and told them all i had left him because i had had an affair with a married man, the truth was he was buying prostitutes, i never crossed the line until 4 years after we were divorced, I gave up trying to defend myself as he had done a good job on them and made new friends. I knew that truth, they didn't. The best form of defence is always attack.

Dazzieboo

Thank you for your replies, I have kept a diary right from the start, as a suggestion of my Parents, but didn't put down any medical effects each time had, I will start to add this from now on.
My Husband's Mum died in Dec 2004 and he had a bit of a breakdown, she lived in a warden controlled private flat and one day the warden found him sobbing in the flat after her death, one thing led to another and he left me for her, so yes, he did leave as a result of an affair, although I was very bitter in the beginning, he has remained just very guilty in what he has done, he hardly ever sees the children as she can't stand kids, not just mine, any kids. She knows full well if she caused any problems my end, the Father may have to look after the children, which she would not be able to cope with (neither could my children!) So I am 99% sure he / she has nothing to do with it. I could never be 100% as I think back to all the deceit which went on from the man I loved and trusted and could never trust again, but I feel deep down he is innocent in all of this.

My Son (age 8) has been picked on in and out of school, he plays for the local football team as the goalie and in one of the training sessions he did a silly tackle which ended up with one of the other players getting hurt (mind you, they were not wearing proper shin pads) as a result the Boy's friend and another parent who was there call my Son a f thug and me scum of the earth. These comments are made whenever they see me, the comments don't worry me (they do my Son). With this last complaint about me, the child who got injured was present when I shouted at my Son, but the 2 boys now get on fine, but I suppose it is possible for the child to have gone home and told tales. Unfortunatly, my Son seems to atract trouble / neagative situations, wether he is there or not !!, the team football kit is to be worn only while at football / training, but a child was seen wearing it to school, my Son got the blame, we were in Malta at the time another time a boy at school broke his arm falling off a wall, the following day at school, my Son got hauled up infront of the head and got given a lecture about dangerous play and lost all his break times as a result, but he wasn't in school the day the accident happened.
These things just make me more convinced than ever that the person "bullying" me is a parent, who possibly wants my Son out of the school, out of the area and if they can't get to him at school, they will get to me out of school.

Thanks again for your replies, the suggestions make me feel more confident about takling the problem. :beer:

Felicity

I don't have any advice as I have never been in that situation but I was horrified reading your post. My first thougts were:- how can anybody be that mean towards you and your family and then:- why don't they have a life of their own that they feel they need to interfere in yours?

I wish you all the best in sorting this out.

hjb123

I agree with the other posters - speak to the police about the whole situation and carry on keeping a diary as it can be used as evidence. Have you spoken to the school about your son being punished for stuff that is happening while he isnt even there?

Good Luck