Daughter's ex being difficult re access

delain

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Courts often stipulate a halfway neutral point for collection and drop off.

Yeah like that helps :rolleyes: I had this set up with my ex and he got so resentful of having to make an effort that he would spit in my face and try to ram the buggy into me :mad:

Plus if his parents drink that much they might drink drive with your GS in the car.

Don't put up with it, don't let him see at his parents house. Have contact at contact centre, be totally honest with cafcass about all your concerns, your DD has been much more reasonable than she needed to be, and the cafcass guys have got their heads screwed on!

Good luck x

Errata

This may seem like a small thing but it's the last of many, many incidents. The worst being my DD trying to collect him at the specified time at his family's house and him not letting her in at first then his Mum refusing to hand GS over saying that my DD was an awful mother. It culminated with her ex swinging her around their lounge whilst his Mum and Dad egged him on

Just wanted to pick up on this. Your DD was subjected to physical violence and verbal abuse in front of her son. This is unacceptable. Of course the child thinks the world of his dad, but he's 2 years old and has no judgement about good and bad behaviour.
If your DD was my daughter I would be telling her to wake up and smell the coffee, and see a family solicitor about contact.

pigpen

My ex and I have basically been 'advised' by the solicitor to go for mediation to sort out any access issues and the court will look over the 'agreement' and recommend anything they think is more sensible.

As the absent parent he has an obligation to collect and return GS.. she doesn't have to do the running at all.

If GS is in even the remotest chance, at risk from alcoholic grandparents the court will refuse to let him go there without SS being involved.

In her shoes I would simply refuse to do any running.. she isn't his slave nor is she beholden to him in any way. 2 year olds forget in a very short period of time. My friends sons were 8 months and 2 years 3 months when her husband walked out.. he saw the boys maybe half a dozen times after he left and hasn't refused to see the boys since (they are 14 and 12 now) They were very very close to him but having other supportive loving members of the family to care for them (friends mum would have them overnight once in a while) they don't NEED someone in their life who has better things to do and only wants to see GS because they think it makes his mum unhappy.

As for ANY level of violence it MUST be reported.. even if nothing is done.. what if he did something and seriously harmed her? He would be treated leniently as he had never done anything before.. assault is assault and therefore wrong!

I hope your daughter can sort something out to protect herself and her son.

neneromanova

superpup wrote: »

We do worry about them saying things about DD to GS when he's older and understands more. They wouldn't appreciate that it would be messing with GS's head. They'd just find it funny.

This is the comment that stood out most to me from your posts. You have to think, do you really want your GS to go through that? If the answer is no, stop doing the Drop offs NOW. Pick ups are ok as it means you get GS at the right time. But any drop offs need to be stopped. If he really wants to see his son he will find a way. He sounds like a controlling, horrible piece of dirt.

Has she got all of the text messages he has sent her? if so, keep them as proof that he is being abusive. If the GS were my son/gs then I would do everything in my power to take him away from the abuse. He will appreciate you more in the future when he see's what his father really is.

paddy's_mum

My first thought was to get/keep records of all the misbehaviour so that if a push comes to shove day ever dawns, you already have a bundle of 'evidence' to show that your concerns are valid .. over a long period of time and not just as a flash in the pan and "it won't ever happen again, your Honour". Good luck.

superpup

Thanks everyone.

We've been keeping texts for a while. There was an absolute volley of them last night but the last one agreed to having him picked up at 1pm. Then this morning he said he would drop him off at the correct time, which he did (well, with his parents). The amount of times he's kicked off and then handed him over at the agreed time anyway, you'd think he'd learn it's not worth the hassle.

GS handed over without any nasty comments, perfectly amicable. I really don't understand why he has to be like that. He may have been okay as I was there as well but he tends to feel a bit ashamed after he's behaved like a complete plonker.

I'm going to sit down with DD tomorrow (GS birthday today, he's having a lovely time at the moment with his friends ) and sort out a plan of action re picking up/dropping off. She can sometimes drop him off on Monday and Wednesday quite easily as she's on her way to somewhere and is happy to do that but I think we need to get him to make more effort with making arrangements, especially at weekends. I'm also going to try and talk to him when nothing has kicked off to see if I can get him to realise how good he's got it and how much better for GS it'll be if he can keep it friendly. I'm also going to mention my concerns about things being said to GS when he's older, mainly by his Mum and his sister (who drives him mad at times).

I'm quite glad he doesn't drive really as I would be nervous about him having GS in the car but DD is sure he would be careful.

Have to go as chaos here but will re read the thread again when I have time and discuss with DD the best way to go.

Thanks everyone

Errata

Best of luck to you. Dad may change his behaviour, but there's a vanishingly small chance that the grandparents will change theirs and TBH from what you've written their house is no place for a child of any age.