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Maintenance Arrangements - any one have experience?
Comments
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I think you need to find out what the CSA would actually do in your new situation (not saying your go down the CSA route). Would they look at your previous children and new baby and new hubby's income? You don't really mention new hubby in terms of finances (although he would obviously be supporting you if you're not working). I think it's time to revisit the whole situation, and then determine what's fair going forward. If you didn't have an ex, but had kept the children and had a new baby, then your children would have to get used to less.
I am thinking stuff the ex. Let him work full time if he has a problem, that's his problem. Don't be so nice?:heartsmil When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.0 -
there is another aspect to this which I hadn't spotted, if you give him £25K that'll take him over the savings limit for a lot of benefits.
Could you not get him to sell the house, you keep the £25,000.00 & use that for you maintenance payments?
If you explained to him that you are going to be giving up work so if you continue to pay 20 or 15% of your earnings he will not get anything whereas if he sells the house you will agree to give him XXX per month or something similar.
I don't think the children can really begrudge this. Although you're the "absent" parent you seem to be the one providing for the family so surely they realise that it's not fair for your husband, who doesn't want to work, to get such a big house that you are paying for.
I would definitely discuss it with them though. They are old enough to understand the situation.Wedding 5th September 20150 -
My ex stopped paying any maintenance whatsoever the day his son was born. Apparently, the CSA didn't expect him to pay because he had another child.
But just to be certain, he packed in his job and sent his fiance out working full time instead. Within weeks of them chasing him for backdated stuff, fiance was pregs again, and again sent back to work barely before the cord stump had healed.
Anyway, what I'm saying is that legally, a new baby changes things significantly. As does not working at all.
So it may not be compulsory to maintain his comfortable life.
Which may be handy for maintaining civility in negotiations.I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.Yup you are officially Rock n Roll0 -
It really comes down to how relations are with your ex and how much you trust him. Also, as said, him receiving a £25k lump sum payment, even if used to pay off of the mortgage, could compromise his benefits and may need checking out.
Your maintenance payments would also be lowered, if you choose, by your new arrival. You are to be commended for the way you are approaching this and trying to take everyone's situation into account.
Now to tackle the bee in my bonnet! If the OP had been a man whose partner was expecting a child and the ex was a woman who had been looking after the children as parent with care for the last 10 years would some of the judgements made here have been as harsh?? Doubt it!No reliance should be placed on the above.0 -
Thanks for the replies.
To everyone who suggests my ex husband has had it good for long enough and I should stop worrying about the impact on him - it's not really the way I look at things - my priority has always been my children - my marriage put me in the position of main wage earner (which wouldn't raise eyebrows if I had been the male partner) and by deciding to have children I have taken on a lifetime responsibility (with all the good stuff that goes with that!). So, I have been providing for my children, and if a 'side-effect' of that means that my ex-husband gets a comfortable life, well, am I going to live long enough to worry about that ... probably not!!
Ignore the fact that I am the mum, in fact even go so far as to imagine I am the dad .... I work full time, the other parent works part time to fit around school hours - my children are taken to school by a parent (sometimes me if my flexi allows) and collected by a parent (again, sometimes me). Their home is kept nice by the parent who is at home more!
The decision for the parent at home to work less hours was mutually acceptable during the marriage (generally speaking) and the main deciding factor was a family decision to want a parent doing the school run etc.
Now the marriage has broken up - the parent at home is cursing because they haven't worked full time for a while and haven't been able to build up their own savings or pension - they had expected the family finances would have provided for them. Of course the absent parent should stand by their responsibilities - they took the action to get married/have children/get divorced they have to make these decisions in full acceptance of the consequences.
It's interesting to see people's reactions to the fact that our family is a 'reverse' to the norm - I am not in the armed forces but work closely with them and was sent on a 9 month deployment to Afghanistan - the number of people who said "what about the children?" - but no question that all the males deployed were doing their job that they had signed up to do. I must admit I don't often tell people until I know them very well exactly what my circumstances are - a lot of instant judgements are made based on stereotypes.
Anyway, I digress (and ramble) - in short, yes, he may have gained a comfortable lifestyle but once the children are all 18 he's got to stand on his own two feet - and he knows this.
Picking up on Loftus's point - yes, I understand the calculation changes to take into account a new baby - but if I'm not working it's still a percentage of nothing.
What I was after doing was releasing the equity from the house to allow him to downsize now and reduce his outgoings to make his outgoings affordable on his current wage - looks like I need to check out two main areas - whether £25K would affect his benefits even though it would never actually be cash in his hand - and whether an 'agreement' could be overturned at a later date and still enable him to claim against me. Although I am fairly confident that he would stick to a 'gentleman's agreement' - we really aren't, either of us, out to bleed the other dry of moneyBut I accept that things, and attitudes can change over time.
Many thanks for replying to my thread and sorry for the long posts!!!!0 -
I think you need the advice of a solicitor. However I would have thought that £25k of your share of the house sale could be left with a solicitor and then used by your ex as part of the purchase price of his new house (provided he continued to use the same solicitor). But I would also advise that you get an agreement to be drawn up by the solicitor, that your ex sign, agreeing that the £25k is in lieu of any future child maintenance due by you. This way I don't think benefits will be affected, as he will never actually receive the money.0
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I think you need to find out what the CSA would actually do in your new situation (not saying your go down the CSA route). Would they look at your previous children and new baby and new hubby's income?
Your household expenses should be taken into account, but only your income should be assessed.smileypigface wrote: »...Now the marriage has broken up - the parent at home is cursing because they haven't worked full time for a while and haven't been able to build up their own savings or pension - they had expected the family finances would have provided for them. Of course the absent parent should stand by their responsibilities - they took the action to get married/have children/get divorced they have to make these decisions in full acceptance of the consequences....
What happened to any assignement of your pension fund in your divorce? Also, you now have responsibilities to your new partner & soon-to-be family. Or do their feelings, needs & financial security not count, when measured against your first family?0 -
I think you need the advice of a solicitor. However I would have thought that £25k of your share of the house sale could be left with a solicitor and then used by your ex as part of the purchase price of his new house (provided he continued to use the same solicitor). But I would also advise that you get an agreement to be drawn up by the solicitor, that your ex sign, agreeing that the £25k is in lieu of any future child maintenance due by you. This way I don't think benefits will be affected, as he will never actually receive the money.
His benefits might not be affected but the OP would still be legally liable for maintenance in the future as it is not possible to make a clean break from your children, only from your spouse.Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants - Michael Pollan
48 down, 22 to go
Low carb, low oxalate Primal + dairy
From size 24 to 16 and now stuck...0 -
Your household expenses should be taken into account, but only your income should be assessed.
What happened to any assignement of your pension fund in your divorce? Also, you now have responsibilities to your new partner & soon-to-be family. Or do their feelings, needs & financial security not count, when measured against your first family?
In my divorce we agreed that his share of the equity in the marital home would reflect the financial settlement for him - so I do not pay maintenance for him, just the kids, and by him getting 75% of the house there is no claim against my pension. The combination of his part-time pension from a large supermarket and 75% of the house, that was mostly purchased using the proceeds of sale of a house that I owned before I met him, means my pension isn't affected. So, by only accepting 25% of the marital home I have protected my pension.
My new husband and future family - well, he earns the same as I do, doing a similar job to me with the same terms and conditions - so it's a very stable job. We have decided we would like me to be unpaid for a 5 year career break to bring up our child - so my new husband is prepared to support us as a family. By releasing my 25% of the house and giving my ex hubby 25K it leaves 35K for me (approx, based on a conservative view of the market value) to give financial security for my new family too. My new husband knows that I come with 'baggage' that is a responsibility I take seriously and I don't think he's ever felt our relationship is less important than my first family - he is very involved with my children and my ex hubby even rings him direct to ask about problems with his computer etc. I personally think we all have a very balanced relationship (it's very easy to ignore the things that irritate you about someone when they are now your ex-husband).
Hope that explains a bit more.0 -
His benefits might not be affected but the OP would still be legally liable for maintenance in the future as it is not possible to make a clean break from your children, only from your spouse.
As long as the benefits side of thing can be squared away it looks like my final decision of whether to go down this route is going to boil down to how much I trust him not to claim from me in 5 years time when I return to work.
Mind you, in 5 years my youngest child will be 17 (from the date I'd be unpaid) - so there would be limited time this would affect me anyway - might be worth the risk!!0
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