Maintenance Arrangements - any one have experience?

smileypigface

I know I need to speak to a solicitor .... but just wondered if anyone had any experience of drawing up an agreement that doesn't quite fit the norm?

Brief background - separated 10 years ago - got round to sorting divorce 4 years ago. I am the absent parent of 3 children (for want of a better way to put it) - ex hubby stayed in marital home with kids - split of care has varied, due to my job, over last 10 years but is currently about a 50/50 split.

Have always had mutually agreeable maintenance level - adjusted down to meet CSA guidelines on our divorce as solicitor pointed out I wasn't doing myself any favours doing 2 jobs to pay for everything - including high maintenance and also paying for shoes, school uniforms, clubs etc.

Now given up additional job - just working full time in the one job - paying 20% of income for 2 children under 18 (help the 19 year old out directly with her instead of through her dad) reduced by 2 sevenths due to average nights spent with me. Which I believe fits the CSA model.

Ex hubby works part time and claims WPTC (if that's what it's still called). He can't afford to keep the house on without my contribution and is already slightly concerned what happens in 2 years time when next one reaches 18 and my contribution reduces to 15% for the one under 18.

He doesn't want to come off benefit and work full time (let's not go there!!!)

Huge fly in ointment about to strike ...... I re-married just over a year ago and we are now expecting a baby in early summer. I am hoping to take a 5 year career break. So from November when my pay ceases I won't have an income and therefore can't pay maintenance.

I've done a bit of a calculation, forward planning to my 3rd child reaching 18 and it works out (with an inflation factor) that, if I continued to work without a break, I'd be paying my ex hubby just over £21K in total.

I have a charge on the old marital home for 25% of market value on it's sale (or when youngest reaches 18, whichever happens first) - which should be easily more than the £21K - I am therefore thinking of suggesting to my ex hubby that if he sells the house (it's a 4 bed detached - so he could easily afford to swap it for a 3 bed detached and not have much of a difference of lifestyle) and I'll give him £25K from my share - in full and final settlement of all future maintenance. That way he can downsize and reduce his mortgage if he wants so he can continue to only work part-time. He is also guaranteeing he receives the equivalent of monthly maintenance from me that is protected from the effects of me potentially having no income for several years. If I take out the years I am planning not to work the amount I would pay him reduces to just over £9K.

So, my question is ... does anyone know if it is possible to draw up such an agreement?

Obviously I know the risk is that I give him £25K and he could do a runner leaving me with the kids - but to be honest I've never really factored the value of my old house into my financial plans and would be more concerned with how the kids felt about not seeing their dad than I would about the money - and my share of what was left would mean I could cushion the financial impact of having them full time living with us anyway.

Any thoughts or experience of this type of thing? Sorry it turned into an epic!

daska

I don't think you can do that sort of clean break any more. AFAIK you are liable for maintenance until x age, though if you're not earning then the CSA should obviously assess you appropriately. But, if you went back to work you might find you'd handed over £25K and still be liable for maintenance at 15/20%. You might to better to ask on the child support forum (which you will find under benefits and tax credits).

whitewing

Don't know from the pure financial side of things, altho on the surface seems reasonable enough. Presume you would have to word the agreement somehow to make it clear that its maintenance for the children to stop it affecting tax credits?

You're having a new baby and thinking of forcing your existing children out of their house, and not working. Wondering what your children will think. I'm not being horrible, just curious. My DS is 13, I am due to have a baby soon and will be at home with baby but DS went to nursey at 3 months old. It will be a very different life style for new baby and I wonder if my DS will mind.

smileypigface

Thanks daska - didn't realise there was a forum devoted to child support etc - will re-post over there.

Thanks for replying also whitewing. It's a very tricky one - because with my first hubby I never had the choice to stay home with the children, although I longed to - and tried to take a 5 yr career break with the middle one and ended up working as a childminder during the day, putting Avon and Betterware catalogues out at weekends and working on the tills in Sainsburys 4 nights a week - to try and keep us financially afloat - ex hubby has never been big on the idea of working for a living (bless him!!) - ended up going back to my full time job in order to reduce my hours back to 37 hrs a week earning more than I had managed part time and working all hours!!

It has given them a bit of a distorted view of life - my eldest said a few years ago now that it was funny how her dad only did a small job (part time shelf stacker) but could afford a nice house but I worked lots of jobs and only had a small wreck of a house (my sister, who was working abroad, helped me out with the deposit on a small ex-council house that needed complete renovation - as it was all I could afford, even with the help). They are only now coming to understand that all my work has kept them in the nice house - and the two older ones know that their dad can only afford to stay there because of the money he gets from benefits and me.

It sounds harsh when it's viewed as me putting them out of their home because I want to have a period of time off work - makes me sound very selfish .. maybe I am .. I don't know .. I just want to be able to stay home and be a mum - like I wanted to when I had them .. my ex hubby made that impossible with my first 3 children - is it right that I shouldn't stay home with this one because I've set a precedent? I went back to work when the eldest was 6 months old and she went to full time nursery, which involved me commuting to London from North Kent with her everyday - I managed to stay off until the middle one was 16 months when she also commuted to full time nursery (it was a subsidised workplace nusery so it was within our budget) and the youngest had to go to full time Nursery at 3 months old because we couldn't afford for me to be unpaid. So I've done different things with each of them.

The 50/50 split of time between the two of us is easier now that I've married and moved within 3 miles of ex-hubby - I was about 7 miles away before - the older ones can make their own way to my house and the middle one goes through spells of staying with us for a month or so at a time before going back to her dad's and coming to us at weekends for a few weeks then staying for a month again. The youngest will hopefully be starting school at the end of our road in September so he'll be having a key to our house to wait for his dad to finish work and pick him up (secondary school hours don't fit his working hours like primary school hours do). So I think the kids see themselves belonging with both/either of us - so it doesn't really feel like their dad selling the house is throwing them out of their home. They have their own rooms at my house - and their belongings move backwards and forwards in a mixture so they don't have definite boundaries between the two homes.

Maybe that's the more pertinent question for this forum - thanks for raising it Whitewing - is my whole reasoning flawed? Should I make a personal sacrifice for the sake of their feelings?

ETA - anyone know if it's possible to change the title of the thread now the reason for posting in this area has changed slightly?

daska

there is another aspect to this which I hadn't spotted, if you give him £25K that'll take him over the savings limit for a lot of benefits.

smileypigface

Even if he only gets it on the sale of his house and immediately uses it for his onward purchase?

daska

but if he uses it on the house it's not maintenance and therefore back to square one for the OP - better to stick the money where it will increase and pay maintenance out of it.

smileypigface

Unfotunately I will only have the money to give him from my share of the marital home if he sells it.

The idea was to make his outgoings lower by using the 25K to reduce his mortgage while downsizing to, say a 3 bed detached. Therefore his WPTC won't change (as he tells me it doesn't factor in the size of his mortgage or my payments to him) but his outgoings will reduce hence being able to live without my monthly contribtion.

Sorry, it's complicated !! :eek:

whitewing

I was only really thinking about other threads where students go off to uni and get upset with mum/dad turning their bedroom into a guest room or study. If they all have continuity with you anyway, and will adore their little sibling and dad stays in the area and you stay in the same place, then it could work. How your ex handles it will be a factor althou of course you can't let him dictate your lifestyle.

I guess you need to see what's feasible before you present it to anyone.

I am really wanting to be with my baby this time round, and breastfeed successfully although I'm nervous about that. Am awaiting my babysling to arrive and planning on lots of close contact with baby. (Hopefully DS and DH will get a look in).

daska

smileypigface wrote: »

Unfotunately I will only have the money to give him from my share of the marital home if he sells it.

The idea was to make his outgoings lower by using the 25K to reduce his mortgage while downsizing to, say a 3 bed detached. Therefore his WPTC won't change (as he tells me it doesn't factor in the size of his mortgage or my payments to him) but his outgoings will reduce hence being able to live without my monthly contribtion.

Sorry, it's complicated !! :eek:

I guess the question is can you trust him? e.g. If you did go back to work and he realised he could still get maintenance via the CSA.

smileypigface

I know what you mean whitewing - about the older kids feeling put out when their rooms cease to be theirs in family home!

Good luck with your new baby - I've breastfed all of mine so far and am just hoping all the equipment works as well with this one - my youngest is 11 so, like you, it's been a while since I've had a small baby - I'm hoping I'll be able to relax and enjoy having a baby a bit more this time as before I'd always been worrying about money!