depression

Miroslav

Miroslav wrote:

Right, will reply individually to people tomorrow.....

Because.........

I've told her how I feel

And.........

She admits she has feelings for me and she wants us to get to know each other.

We are going to go slowly.....it happened after she burst in tears.............she was talking about loads of crap, then told me she thought i'd found another girl.

Will detail morre tomorrow.............I just can't believe this, I feel so........so........happy!

Happy New Year!

What an idiot I was for posting that. I now look really stupid

Miroslav

rose07 wrote:

Awww Miro hun , Big Hug what happened?

xxxx

Me happened. Probably opened her eyes and realised what an ugly git she was getting involved with.

Miroslav

Tiff wrote:

miro - a night of up and downs for you wasn't it hun? Avoid the all-or- nothing thinking angel, because a New Year doesn't have to end the way it started. You're a warm soul with a great sense of humour. Stay strong and lift your eyes to what blessings are already around you and those yet to come. I wish you love, peace of mind and a happy soul. xxx

You could say that

I just want 'S'

Sazbo

blinky wrote:

Miro - You must get away from this all or nothing thinking. You are certainly not alone here in having this problem but if you can conquer it you will feel so much better and you'll be able to handle lifes problems easier.

Regarding 'S' from everything you've written she is confused young lady and she does blow hot and cold. You really need to take things slowly with her. I genuinelly think she is confused about her feelings for you. When she blows cold just accept it and gently nudge her in the right direction. If you go in too strong it will just make her back off more.

She does need time and if a relationship is going to develop it is going to take long time - how long I can't say. Eventually she will blow more hot than cold but there will always be times when she backs off.

A relationship is a journey, not a destination.

BE PATIENT

geminilady wrote:

I think "S" Is just scared,maybe she thinks if you have a "proper" relationship and it does not work out that she would loose your friendship.All you can do is reasure her that whatever happens she will not loose your friendship and that you have always been aware of her problems but still care for her.I am sure you realise that her being "stand -offish" today is her way of protecting herself.If she does not want to talk today theres not a lot you can do but wait until she does.You did not say why she is doubtful about meeting during the week but friends do meet and go places together you could tell her you would feal rejected and see how she reacts.

Miro sweetheart, big hugs and Happy New Year. Just wanted to say please try and reflect on what our lovely Blinky and Gemini have said in reply to you. FWIW I think they've both spent time thinking about what you've posted about S and have got to what I think is at the core of what's making this a sensitive issue for both of you. As Blinky says quite rightly, relationships are a journey, not a destination. There is always ebb and flow, which does require unending patience, rather than reacting to hurts in an all or nothing way. Although I know myself that is all too often a tendency of my own. Am I making any sense sweetheart? Please forgive Saz if she's got a case of the New Year's Day rambles!:):)

I wish for all the world I could tell you that decent people always get the relationships in life that they truly deserve, or that it is easy to achieve, but as this thread alone demonstrates, that would clearly be a lie and I'm not going to lie to you, nor sugar-coat an comfortable truth. I think too much of you for that.

Just my thoughts as always. Take good care in 2007 Miro hun; please be good to yourself. Much love, Sazzy xxx

Miroslav

blinky wrote:

Miro - You must get away from this all or nothing thinking. You are certainly not alone here in having this problem but if you can conquer it you will feel so much better and you'll be able to handle lifes problems easier.

Regarding 'S' from everything you've written she is confused young lady and she does blow hot and cold. You really need to take things slowly with her. I genuinelly think she is confused about her feelings for you. When she blows cold just accept it and gently nudge her in the right direction. If you go in too strong it will just make her back off more.

She does need time and if a relationship is going to develop it is going to take long time - how long I can't say. Eventually she will blow more hot than cold but there will always be times when she backs off.

Most relationships take time to develop. I know I have been lucky with 'R' and it has developed faster than either of us had expected. Our relationship is still developing and will continue to develop. A relationship is a journey, not a destination.


BE PATIENT

I think i'm more upset with the fact she told me she felt something for me, then retracted it. She was scared I had found someone else and admitted she would be gutted. She then started to tell me she was inexperienced and scared but we could go slowly, only 5 hours later, telling me she wasn't good enough for me and that her mental health issues would get in the way.

I will be patient with her, it took alot of guts to tell her how I felt though.

I just hope this journey is a long one and that she let's me on that ride soon.

Miroslav

geminilady wrote:

I think "S" Is just scared,maybe she thinks if you have a "proper" relationship and it does not work out that she would loose your friendship.All you can do is reasure her that whatever happens she will not loose your friendship and that you have always been aware of her problems but still care for her.I am sure you realise that her being "stand -offish" today is her way of protecting herself.If she does not want to talk today theres not a lot you can do but wait until she does.You did not say why she is doubtful about meeting during the week but friends do meet and go places together you could tell her you would feal rejected and see how she reacts.

I know she is scared, but so am I. Her response was great, I don't know what else went wrong. I saw nothing going wrong. I can't see where the switch was flicked and she turned into someone else.

She didn't say why she was doubtful of meeting. I think she may be trying to pull away from me. Who knows, I may never see her again.

Miroslav

blinky wrote:

As geminilady has said 'S' is scared. However, I think the bit I've quoted from you're message says it all. She doesn't think she's good enough for you so she's trying not too get in too deep to prevent herself getting hurt.

If you want the relationship to work you need to help her build her confidence and to realise that she is good enough for you. This will take time, be patient - don't go in too strongly. There will still be times when she will feel she isn't good enough for you, when it happens give her the re-assurance she needs.

I can understand where 'S' is coming from - I have had similar worries that 'R' would find someone better, and I still have worries at times but I know that 'R' doesn't want anyone but me. :happyhear

Sorry to keep going on about my relationship but it's the best point of reference I have and it also shows that there is hope.

I've told her she is good enough for me. I've never met a girl that doesn't think she is good enough for me, so it's totally weird.

I'm always re-assuring her, building her confidence, counselling her

She was worried that I had found someone else, but I say I want her, but she still won't get involved

You personally have done really well, i'm really pleased for you, but for every winner, there must be a loser, and I guess i'm that loser.

Miroslav

Sazbo wrote:

Miro sweetheart, big hugs and Happy New Year. Just wanted to say please try and reflect on what our lovely Blinky and Gemini have said in reply to you. FWIW I think they've both spent time thinking about what you've posted about S and have got to what I think is at the core of what's making this a sensitive issue for both of you. As Blinky says quite rightly, relationships are a journey, not a destination. There is always ebb and flow, which does require unending patience, rather than reacting to hurts in an all or nothing way. Although I know myself that is all too often a tendency of my own. Am I making any sense sweetheart? Please forgive Saz if she's got a case of the New Year's Day rambles!:):)

I wish for all the world I could tell you that decent people always get the relationships in life that they truly deserve, or that it is easy to achieve, but as this thread alone demonstrates, that would clearly be a lie and I'm not going to lie to you, nor sugar-coat an comfortable truth. I think too much of you for that.

Just my thoughts as always. Take good care in 2007 Miro hun; please be good to yourself. Much love, Sazzy xxx

It's not that I am looking at all or nothing, it's just she gave one reaction and changed her mind.

I know I need lots of patience, 'S' is probably the most messed up girl I have ever met, but I love her, I just do.

I know it's going to be hard, but people think we make a nice couple, even 'S' thought it and was excited about this, but she for some reason changed her mind

Miroslav

I don't mean to ruin the thread with all my 'S' nonsense, so apologise.

I'm hurting and confused and scared as someone admitted they saw more to me than just a nice guy, with muscles and tall, she said she liked me more than a friend, then she withdrew it. She should never have said it if she didn't mean it.

Sorry.

Sazbo

Miroslav wrote:

It's not that I am looking at all or nothing, it's just she gave one reaction and changed her mind.

I know I need lots of patience, 'S' is probably the most messed up girl I have ever met, but I love her, I just do.

I know it's going to be hard, but people think we make a nice couple, even 'S' thought it and was excited about this, but she for some reason changed her mind

It's more a tendency of your interpretations being 'all or nothing', rather than what you're looking for. For example, it may not be the case at all that she has 'changed her mind' - as I say, feeling hurt tends to polarise our reactions to situations, so to protect ourselves we say "well this must mean x or y" - y'know hun? That may be how you're seeing it right now because things didn't go entirely the way you anticiapted? Just my thoughts. Don't forget you've written her off before and now it's 2007 and she's still in your life:) As Blinky says it's more a question of her blowing hot and cold, and you needing to provide encouragement, rather than this being a final "It's over", from her. IMHO - very far from it. Sazxx