depression

blinky

Sazbo wrote:

Blinky - don't you be going anywhere; you give us hope!:)

Thanks hun

cifpower

Hello everyone!

Just stumbled upon this thread by venturing onto a board I have never been to before. Maybe it is one of those things I was meant to do. Perhaps I should start from the very beginning as they say.

It all stems from Easter Sunday 2001. This is when I came out to my family. I had thought about telling them for weeks and months beforehand. My head had been all over the place and I didn't do as well in my A-Levels as a result. I figured I couldn't tell my dad as he was a soldier and I was scared of his reaction. I thought that if I wasn't there or hadn't been born everything would be OK. I took an overdose of ibuprofen but just became very ill. I did the same thing again a month later. The next year I decided it was time to tell my family.

I left on a Thursday evening and basically went "missing". I slept in my car and deliberately had no contact with my family. On the Saturday I went to a gay club on my own and spent 12 hours there. A friend of mine appeared at 1am and told me she was worried about me. She stayed with me that night, took me home to hers. My mother and sister came round that morning and I told her that I was gay. She started crying and said, "Don't be disgusting. Its just a phase." I went home with her and my sister to confront my father. I was sobbing my heart out and told him. He started shouting, "How can you be? You're my son!" and the last thing he ever said to me was, "From now on, I'm not your father, you're not my son. Don't darken my door ever again."

So I didn't.

Fast forward 4 years and only now am I dealing with what happened. I knew something wasn't right inside my head for a long time but was too scared to confront it or talk about it. I just thought I was incredibly moody. In November 2005 my doctor gave me Zimovane to help me sleep but decided against other medication. She also signed me off. I was on Zimovane until March when I moved house and changed doctor. My new doctor was much more proactive. She took me off Zimovane and gave me Sertraline. However, these made me ill and I received Dosulepin instead. I was also told to apply for DLA.

I am now in contact with a counsellor, a CPN and last month I was referred to a Consultant Psychiatrist to see if I am bipolar in any way. The only thing is the appointment is for March.

Now I am getting the help and support I need. But it has been one hell of a long slog.

Sazbo

cifpower wrote:

Hello everyone!

Just stumbled upon this thread by venturing onto a board I have never been to before. Maybe it is one of those things I was meant to do. Perhaps I should start from the very beginning as they say.

It all stems from Easter Sunday 2001. This is when I came out to my family. I had thought about telling them for weeks and months beforehand. My head had been all over the place and I didn't do as well in my A-Levels as a result. I figured I couldn't tell my dad as he was a soldier and I was scared of his reaction. I thought that if I wasn't there or hadn't been born everything would be OK. I took an overdose of ibuprofen but just became very ill. I did the same thing again a month later. The next year I decided it was time to tell my family.

I left on a Thursday evening and basically went "missing". I slept in my car and deliberately had no contact with my family. On the Saturday I went to a gay club on my own and spent 12 hours there. A friend of mine appeared at 1am and told me she was worried about me. She stayed with me that night, took me home to hers. My mother and sister came round that morning and I told her that I was gay. She started crying and said, "Don't be disgusting. Its just a phase." I went home with her and my sister to confront my father. I was sobbing my heart out and told him. He started shouting, "How can you be? You're my son!" and the last thing he ever said to me was, "From now on, I'm not your father, you're not my son. Don't darken my door ever again."

So I didn't.

Fast forward 4 years and only now am I dealing with what happened. I knew something wasn't right inside my head for a long time but was too scared to confront it or talk about it. I just thought I was incredibly moody. In November 2005 my doctor gave me Zimovane to help me sleep but decided against other medication. She also signed me off. I was on Zimovane until March when I moved house and changed doctor. My new doctor was much more proactive. She took me off Zimovane and gave me Sertraline. However, these made me ill and I received Dosulepin instead. I was also told to apply for DLA.

I am now in contact with a counsellor, a CPN and last month I was referred to a Consultant Psychiatrist to see if I am bipolar in any way. The only thing is the appointment is for March.

Now I am getting the help and support I need. But it has been one hell of a long slog.

Hi cifpower :hello: Thanks for posting and welcome to the thread. There's a wonderful supportive group of people who post on here, so feel free to post anytime. You've been through an awful lot, but there are positives in your story too - you decided you had to be true to yourself and stick by that, which has taken a huge amount of courage, even in the face of your father's reaction. Getting well isn't an overnight thing - I wish it was!:) And there are of course no quick fixes. But you now have a proactive doctor, and a counsellor, so I'm sure that you're now on the right path. March seems far off, but once Christmas and New Year are out of the way, it will come quite soon. And as I say you can post here anytime between now and then if that helps you get through.

Sazx

stenny_2

Hellooooooooo all you lovely people;)
How did your weekends go?

I have been on top form apart from a panic attack yesterday,
It always happens when i drive on a motorway!

How did your night out go sazbo did you kill anyone?

:rotfl:

Sazbo

stenny wrote:

Hellooooooooo all you lovely people;)
How did your weekends go?

I have been on top form apart from a panic attack yesterday,
It always happens when i drive on a motorway!

How did your night out go sazbo did you kill anyone?

:rotfl:

Hiya stenny! I'm writing this from HMP Holloway.................... :rotfl: Only kidding! But amazingly, no I didn't kill anyone. I was sat at the other end of a long table from my boss, so thankfully he was spared....... THIS TIME! Mwa-ha-ha!!!!!

How's you?
Sx

stenny_2

cifpower wrote:

Hello everyone!

Just stumbled upon this thread by venturing onto a board I have never been to before. Maybe it is one of those things I was meant to do. Perhaps I should start from the very beginning as they say.

It all stems from Easter Sunday 2001. This is when I came out to my family. I had thought about telling them for weeks and months beforehand. My head had been all over the place and I didn't do as well in my A-Levels as a result. I figured I couldn't tell my dad as he was a soldier and I was scared of his reaction. I thought that if I wasn't there or hadn't been born everything would be OK. I took an overdose of ibuprofen but just became very ill. I did the same thing again a month later. The next year I decided it was time to tell my family.

I left on a Thursday evening and basically went "missing". I slept in my car and deliberately had no contact with my family. On the Saturday I went to a gay club on my own and spent 12 hours there. A friend of mine appeared at 1am and told me she was worried about me. She stayed with me that night, took me home to hers. My mother and sister came round that morning and I told her that I was gay. She started crying and said, "Don't be disgusting. Its just a phase." I went home with her and my sister to confront my father. I was sobbing my heart out and told him. He started shouting, "How can you be? You're my son!" and the last thing he ever said to me was, "From now on, I'm not your father, you're not my son. Don't darken my door ever again."

So I didn't.

Fast forward 4 years and only now am I dealing with what happened. I knew something wasn't right inside my head for a long time but was too scared to confront it or talk about it. I just thought I was incredibly moody. In November 2005 my doctor gave me Zimovane to help me sleep but decided against other medication. She also signed me off. I was on Zimovane until March when I moved house and changed doctor. My new doctor was much more proactive. She took me off Zimovane and gave me Sertraline. However, these made me ill and I received Dosulepin instead. I was also told to apply for DLA.

I am now in contact with a counsellor, a CPN and last month I was referred to a Consultant Psychiatrist to see if I am bipolar in any way. The only thing is the appointment is for March.

Now I am getting the help and support I need. But it has been one hell of a long slog.

Sorry to hear of your problems cifpower.
I was in the same position when i was 22. I knew from a very early age (13) that i was 'gay' but hid it as i came from a large family of 5 brothers, a sister and both parents.
I tried in every way to date girls but was unsuccessful.
I mucked up so much in my early years, so i ended up moving down south to get away from them all and start leading a life that i wanted.
After finding a partner (ex) at the age of 22 and after 3 years of living together i came clean and decided to tell my family. It took 6months for it to sink in to the family but they all now accept me as i am and we all get along great.

Your dad is living in an old fashioned lifestyle, and the thing he has to accept that it's not something that you grow into, it is infact something you are born with in your genes (some old fashioned people never accept that as being the truth).

4 years is a long time to be apart from family, but i also admire you for getting on with your life and getting the help you need.

Your dad comes across very stubborn in his ways, but have you ever tried contacting them since you left or have you just moved on?

Sorry, and welcome to the thread.

stenny_2

Sazbo wrote:

Hiya stenny! I'm writing this from HMP Holloway.................... :rotfl: Only kidding! But amazingly, no I didn't kill anyone. I was sat at the other end of a long table from my boss, so thankfully he was spared....... THIS TIME! Mwa-ha-ha!!!!!

How's you?
Sx

Usual sunday blues
Not long up, was watching football in bed praying for mclaren at football
Just had a nice hot bath and gonna take the dog a long walk up the glen in the crisp frost. :rudolf:

Sazbo

stenny wrote:

Usual sunday blues
Not long up, was watching football in bed praying for mclaren at football
Just had a nice hot bath and gonna take the dog a long walk up the glen in the crisp frost. :rudolf:

Everton 2 - Chelsea 3, almost into stoppage time :j

Enjoy your walk x

cifpower

stenny wrote:

Sorry to hear of your problems cifpower.
I was in the same position when i was 22. I knew from a very early age (13) that i was 'gay' but hid it as i came from a large family of 5 brothers, a sister and both parents.
I tried in every way to date girls but was unsuccessful.
I mucked up so much in my early years, so in then ended up moving down south to get away from them all and start leading a life that i wanted.
After finding a partner (ex) at the age of 22 and after 3 years of living together i came clean and decided to tell my family. It took 6months for it to sink in to the family but they all now accept me as i am and we all get along great.

Your dad is living in an old fashioned lifestyle, and the thing he has to accept that it's not something that you grow into, it is infact something you are born with in your genes (some old fashioned people never accept that as being the truth).

4 years is a long time to be apart from family, but i also admire you for getting on with your life and getting the help you need.

Your dad comes across very stubborn in his ways, but have you ever tried contacting them since you left or have you just moved on?

Sorry, and welcome to the thread.

Unfortunately my father died earlier this year of a heart attack. Growing up I was never close to my dad and often found it weird saying "dad" or "daddy". The news hit me like a ton of bricks though and set me back.

stenny_2

cifpower wrote:

Unfortunately my father died earlier this year of a heart attack. Growing up I was never close to my dad and often found it weird saying "dad" or "daddy". The news hit me like a ton of bricks though and set me back.

Sorry about that and I can imagine it would have hit you hard!
Are you back in contact with rest of the family?