depression

Horasio

Sazbo wrote:

LOL You couldn't make it up! I just called builder - he'd completely forgotten:rolleyes: "I'll be there in 15 minutes".......................................

Braindead idiot:mad:

Has he done it now?

mclaren_2

feelinggood wrote:

Heylo again guys
I've just had a big, emotional talk with OH (could call it a row really) and he said something that I needed him to say to help me move on with my life.
One thing I've been worrying about, is that by leaving, I'll make him miserable. He told me today that I make him miserable now. So, I can't really upset him anymore, so I don't need to feel guilty about that.
I've decided to spend a week or so at my Parents house - I need space away from him to clear my head and allow myself to be a little happier.
The plan moves forward.
I am leaving him. Will get on to the IB people and sort that out.
I will carry on with my treatment even though OH doesn't want me to.
I will talk about my problems, even though he tells me not to.
I will be happy.
I've had a few very low days lately, and I'm feeling a little annoyed with the lack of help I've recieved, not only from my GP, but from other sources (Gave up waiting at A&E as I didn't get to see anyone). But, I'll carry on with it - need to go back to the doctors tomorrow to get more tablets as I'll be away over xmas.
I'm feeling okay now, I'm finally feeling 'safe' again, which is a tremendous relief, most of the thoughts and urges are past, so I feel that I can be back around you guys again.
I'm sorry for going, I hope you understand that I did it for your own sakes, and I hope no one worried - but its not a good idea for me to be posting when I'm in that danger zone.
I'm still a little unhappy, I'm still a little low, but I'm feeling hopeful. I know what needs to be done, I've just got to do it!
I'm probably heading back up north on Monday, and I'm unlikely to be online very much, but I will be thinking of you all, and happy xmas to those who are having xmas, and just have a good day on that day to all of you who aren't celebrating this year. But anyways, I'm here till I leave, so I'll say this all again.
I also want to take this opportunity to say a huge Thank You to everyone who's helped me through this time, its been a very upsetting, very stressful and very scary time, and its helped me more than I can describe knowing that I'm not alone. I'm very happy that I don't have to walk this road alone any more
Thats that, I will shut up now.
Oh, and one last thing - today is my 20th day without smoking or drinking!

Ive told you before hun - he is a jerk, whyshoudl you feel bad about hurting him when he is nothing more than a t*at imho.

You need to get out of that zone - go to your parents, and ENJOY IT!!!!!

Forget about there and him, ignore him and move on. I bet you will feel a hell of a lot better without him stressing you out. You will also then realise that it IS true, and its not in your head hun xxx

And you know, i want daily updates from you hunni. Enjoy yourself and have a wonderful time xxxxxxxx - i'll b thinkin bout ya hun xxxxxx

mclaren_2

feelinggood wrote:

Right, just off the phone with my mum, and I am good to stay there - means she gets all her cleaning done!! Lots of jobs lined up for me to do, cleaning helps me think though, its sort of like meditation. Also had a brief chat about situ with OH, think she understands, well, is more understanding than I expected.

Just remember you're not alone hunni xxx We all care about you, and we hope you do feel better - we hope feelinggood comes back feelinggood xxxx

mclaren_2

Well every1 - hi.

I went to docs, and i told him everything including the part where i couls ee myself jump out the window. Was suprised i done it.

He said that he would give me some Mirtazapine, and i have to go back in a week to see how things are, and if things are good on it, can up the dosage.

Only thing was i felt very very low when i was walking in to docs and my anxiaty was through the roof

Least i have something that can help me now i hope

Tiff_2

Hi Natty!:hello:
It's good to hear from you hun. :grouphug: Have kept you in my thoughts. :lovethoug

Natty68 wrote:

I am finally back in the land of living, so to speak, after a horrendous two weeks which started with my mum suddenly passing away within 36 hours of being rushed into hospital. Life then got very hectic and I didnt have time to even stop and breathe there was so much I needed to get done, as I am the only child. Plus I was also grieving for my mum as we hadnt spoken to each other since February of this year and there was a lot of unresolved issues that never got resolved.
The main thing was that I was there while she was in hospital, even though she wasnt aware that I was there due to her being on a ventilator the whole time. I was with her when she passed away at the end.
Hopefully now everything has calmed down for the moment I can finally get back to normality..
Although saying that I am still grieving for mum, and this time of the year is exceptionally hard as its the first Christmas without my nan, my best mate and now my mum.Thank you for bearing with me while I have been missing in action..

I'm sure she'd be as proud of you as we are angel!;) It will be no consolation to you right now hun I know, but I think that's the case with nearly everyone who loses someone. There's always a hundred things you wish you'd said and a hundred things you wish you hadn't. We're only human hun and remember it would have been the same for Mum. It's a two way street angel. We'd all change things if we knew we were not going to be around any longer.
When someone we love is passing away, in the grand scheme of things, everything that's gone before doesn't matter a bit hun. None of the upset, none of the things that had been long ago said. I know you'll still feel that it does, because I do. But Natty, I think she would have known deep down hun that whenever that day came, you would be there with her. So even if she didn't know it at the actual time, she would have thought about it before and would have wanted it to be just the way it was, imho.
Dad was on a ventilator too natty. He actually survived what was likely to cause his death, but there were problems with his treatment and it took him 3 weeks to die, even though all the time we were told he was recovering. I was holding his hand in the days before he went and you know, I just had a calm feeling that he knew we were there (I'm the eldest of three). There were tiny reactions to the medical equipment as we spoke to him at times. I guess maybe that's just our opinion, but there's nothing to prove that it wasn't the case.
We were phoned one morning 2.30a.m., and told that Dad was going, we were at the hospital by 2.50a.m., we were in a meeting with his dr at 3.55a.m. to 3.04a.m. when the nurse called us & Dad passed away at 3.09a.m. Funny the things you remember.:rolleyes:
I was also holding his hand when he passed away. It was really strange when Dad went. All I could think of was that it was like he'd been set free - that's all I could think in those minutes afterwards and it was such a strong feeling and meant to comfort me. It wasn't the kind of ''he's free from suffering'' feeling. It was almost like it was a formality, that really most of him had already gone and he waited just long enough to say goodbye. I swear I felt him around us until we left the hospital - just to make sure we were ok.:o
But it broke my heart anyway. The grieving process opens up a thousand questions and emotions and you'll find a thousand answers too natty. I'm full of admiration for you hun - I know what it's like to have lost people - and I hope there is some support for you - don't be afraid to use it! I wish you and yours peace and happiness angel and you know where we are if you need us.
I'm truly sorry if I've upset anyone with this Tiff experience. Didn't mean to be such an emotional Tiff. Forgive me.:o
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Sazbo

CCStar wrote:

Braindead idiot:mad:

Has he done it now?

No of course not! He never turned up. And just to cap what had been a truly nightmarish week's "holiday" for me - I realise today I mislaid a debit card in a shop on tuesday and someone found it and has been using it fraudulently. I can't take much more. Hope you're all ok. I will read back your posts later when I've calmed down a bit.

Love,
Saz x

stenny_2

mclaren wrote:

Well every1 - hi.

I went to docs, and i told him everything including the part where i couls ee myself jump out the window. Was suprised i done it.

He said that he would give me some Mirtazapine, and i have to go back in a week to see how things are, and if things are good on it, can up the dosage.

Only thing was i felt very very low when i was walking in to docs and my anxiaty was through the roof

Least i have something that can help me now i hope

:T :T :T Nice one, i hope they do you good.

stenny_2

Sazbo wrote:

No of course not! He never turned up. And just to cap what had been a truly nightmarish week's "holiday" for me - I realise today I mislaid a debit card in a shop on tuesday and someone found it and has been using it fraudulently. I can't take much more. Hope you're all ok. I will read back your posts later when I've calmed down a bit.

Love,
Saz x

Awwww Hun,
That is awful!
Did you contact the police?
Can you do a chargeback?

Sazbo

stenny wrote:

Awwww Hun,
That is awful!
Did you contact the police?
Can you do a chargeback?

Thanks stenny hun. I contacted my bank, who's put a stop on the card and will issue me with a replacement. In the meantime their fraud dept will investigate disputed transactions (very obvious - 6 in a row at same place, and doubtless more today). Hopefully I'll get the money credited back to me... Grrrrr :mad: :mad: :mad: The little fekker. Well looks like I'm going to be rather busy with castrations this week - a) my boss, b) the builder, and c) the thieving 'bar steward'!!!

Sxx

Horasio

EthelBloggs wrote:

Seems none of us are much of chrimbo fans eh? I just hate being so busy and stressed.. I'm usually up cooking til 3am xmas eve and then up a few hours after that sorting out breakfast and the rest of the xmas dinner etc etc etc :rolleyes: in between being nagged about how long it's all taking and blah blah blah... I'm usually ready to kill someone by midday

I find new year really depressing tho.. I seem to look back at what I haven't achieved but planned to in the previous year rather than looking forward to what can be done in the new one..

Hot water bottle eh? That is one thing I'll miss bout b/f... he was always toasty warm and didnt mind being used to warm up cold feet, lol

We are having a black Christmas

No lights, no tree, nothing.

We have put the cards up tho'

Our son has upset us so much. He could have put the wire in a safe place but no I ended up ripping the lights down and broke a set, they were old ones anyway.