depression

EthelBloggs

CCStar... I really don't know what to say... I know exactly how you feel, my other half can be like that a lot too. If I try to explain how I feel about certain things then he thinks I'm having a go or criticising him somehow, even when I'm not. The last 4 or 5 days have been an absolute nightmare with him and really felt low (came and ranted on here tho and you lot cheered me up) Last night we had a talk and I just showed him my diary and my timetable and said where to you expect me to find extra time for all the other things that need to be done? I showed him my deadlines and explained that right now I don't have free time but that it's only a few weeks and if he can bear that then things will get better.

I know that's not really relevant for you but I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if you can find a way to present things in a way that doesn't point blame he might react differently.. it worked for me

Things like

When you..... (insert behaviour here)
I feel..... (insert here)
because... (reason)
I would really like it if.... (suggest alternative)

Might be worth a try? I dunno

Horasio

Should I keep trying to sort it or leave it. If we leave it unsolved, then I feel our marriage is over. I simply said that our life seems like one big chore and very little time together. He was very dismissive when I said that and it hurt me.

To be honest being alone in my room is preferable to being with the hassle he gave me tonight. I am wanting to be in my own place to be honest.

Horasio

EthelBloggs wrote:

CCStar... I really don't know what to say... I know exactly how you feel, my other half can be like that a lot too. If I try to explain how I feel about certain things then he thinks I'm having a go or criticising him somehow, even when I'm not. The last 4 or 5 days have been an absolute nightmare with him and really felt low (came and ranted on here tho and you lot cheered me up) Last night we had a talk and I just showed him my diary and my timetable and said where to you expect me to find extra time for all the other things that need to be done? I showed him my deadlines and explained that right now I don't have free time but that it's only a few weeks and if he can bear that then things will get better.

I know that's not really relevant for you but I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if you can find a way to present things in a way that doesn't point blame he might react differently.. it worked for me

Things like

When you..... (insert behaviour here)
I feel..... (insert here)
because... (reason)
I would really like it if.... (suggest alternative)

Might be worth a try? I dunno

Sorry to hear your husband has been giving you a hard time. I do wonder how much depression is caused by other halves. They are supposed to care but in reality, they cause more pain.
I have done that and he still sees it as an attack and attacks me back

Miroslav

EthelBloggs wrote:

It was still the iron curtain I think back then. It was wierd, they used to come every few years and the rest of the time write letters and postcards and stuff like that (sometimes the letters had big chunks covered so you couldn't read them) then all of a sudden all contact just stopped My mum's friend was sick with worry but coudln;t get in touch wiht them and we never ever heard from them again (this was in the mid 70s)

Iron Curtain 'came down' around 1990.....so mid 70's was bang in the middle.

Problem is, back then, ways of communication were very limited

Sazbo

CCStar wrote:

I'm feeling a bit thick just now but how do u think he is controlling me. How do I stop it? I want us to be close and happy but he seems to see things that aren't there and accuse me of things that aren't true. I don't want to cuddle someone after they have been venomous, yet I am being painted as the bad guy.

All I think I mean is that he always seems to call the shots? If you are always painted as the bad guy - how do ever you come back from that? Your needs are always dismissed. That's just my thinking on it, not saying i'm right hun. You need support to foreground your own needs, as I see it.

Horasio

Miroslav wrote:

:wall: I aint never kissing you

Marmite is worse lol

Miroslav

EthelBloggs wrote:

heheehee I'm 5'0 and he's 7' or something ridiculous!! Imagine what that would look like :P

As my mum would say.. "the bottle and the glass" lol

Not quite 7' :rotfl:

Miroslav

:mad:

Flatmate has lost her housing benefit form, which was due in today, and of course it's my fault.

Just discovered i'm 4 months behind with my water bill too...........thought it was only 3, not that that's okay........:wall:

EthelBloggs

CCStar wrote:

Sorry to hear your husband has been giving you a hard time. I do wonder how much depression is caused by other halves. They are supposed to care but in reality, they cause more pain.
I have done that and he still sees it as an attack and attacks me back

Then you know what? Sod him!! try to focus on yourself for a while, your interests and the thngs that will make you feel better.. his behavour could be his way of coping with you feeling so down. Could be that he feels guilty and that it's his fault somehow?

Or Sazbo could be right.. he could be using this punishment/reward thing as a means of controlling you and keeping you where he wants you to be.

I think you're the only person who can answer that and decide how much you're willing to tolerate. :hug:

Horasio

Sazbo wrote:

All I think I mean is that he always seems to call the shots? If you are always painted as the bad guy - how do ever you come back from that? Your needs are always dismissed. That's just my thinking on it, not saying i'm right hun. You need support to foreground your own needs, as I see it.

It does seem that way.

When we first got married, he was like that too but put it down to my illness. My illness was bad but if he had treated me better, I could have coped. I ended up giving up work. I couldn't afford to live alone on the pay and I felt it was my illness causing it. Now I have had treatment for it I realise a lot of it was caused by him. He seems to enjoy being miserable and blaming others when they get upset by it.