depression

flis21

Morning All,

Still feeling really down this morning. I hate waking up, you have those few seconds of relief when you have forgotten what has happened, then it comes back and its almost as painful as hearing it for the first time, again. Death is just so horrible and finite. I keep thinking I wish I could have one more minute with her, to play with her, hold her, stroke her.

Don't feel like doing anything today, I just hope I don't screw things up at work. Things have been going so well there. Don't know if I should tell them or not. If I tell them they might think I am wierd for getting so upset over my hamster (they don't really know about my depression), but if I don't tell them they are going to think I am acting strangely.

Well, better go and get ready to face the music.

Btw, didn't have my review yesterday, as my manager made a mistake, it is supposed to be a one month review, not one week, so have three more weeks before I have to worry about it.

Hugs to all:grouphug:

Tiff_2

Hi CC That's the trouble with communicating on a computer - there's no tone, inflection, emotion etc. and misunderstandings happen.
Hope you're well. I just thought I'd better explain as I didn't want you to sit there fretting.
Take care hun
Tiff x

Horasio

Tiff wrote:

Hi CC That's the trouble with communicating on a computer - there's no tone, inflection, emotion etc. and misunderstandings happen.
Hope you're well. I just thought I'd better explain as I didn't want you to sit there fretting.
Take care hun
Tiff x

Don't worry, I get it frequently.:eek:

I feel OK today, the sun is out and compared to last week, I feel great.

My husband is settling into his job.

We need to get our son sorted out. He wants to move out but needs to find a job first, then a place. He is supposed to be on a full time uni course but only there in the mornings. The rest of the time is supposed to be doing projects and having fun!

Horasio

flis21 wrote:

Morning All,

Still feeling really down this morning. I hate waking up, you have those few seconds of relief when you have forgotten what has happened, then it comes back and its almost as painful as hearing it for the first time, again. Death is just so horrible and finite. I keep thinking I wish I could have one more minute with her, to play with her, hold her, stroke her.

Don't feel like doing anything today, I just hope I don't screw things up at work. Things have been going so well there. Don't know if I should tell them or not. If I tell them they might think I am wierd for getting so upset over my hamster (they don't really know about my depression), but if I don't tell them they are going to think I am acting strangely.

Well, better go and get ready to face the music.

Btw, didn't have my review yesterday, as my manager made a mistake, it is supposed to be a one month review, not one week, so have three more weeks before I have to worry about it.

Hugs to all:grouphug:

I would tell someone who looks approachable, about your grief , otherwise your mood may look a bit odd. So long as you are professional, they will understand. Keep plodding on, you should be fine at your review. Are you enjoying your new job?

A pet dying is still a loved pet, regardless of size. I felt gutted when my goldfish died. He jumped out of the tank.

feelinggood_2

Morning everyone
I feel at a bit of a loose end, don't know what do to with myself.
Got alot I should be doing, but my mind doesn't seem to be able to make simple descisions at the moment! Grrr.
Hope you are all good

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

Morning everyone
I feel at a bit of a loose end, don't know what do to with myself.
Got alot I should be doing, but my mind doesn't seem to be able to make simple descisions at the moment! Grrr.
Hope you are all good

Hi

Is there anything you have to do?

Otherwise, switch off and let it go.

I had a very scary thought today. Do families hinder or help?

I am wanting to make more of my life but I feel undermined by my family. I can't cope with it. They are supposed to be helpful. I sometimes wonder if I would be better alone.

I am waiting for my husband to settle into his job properly, get my son sorted in a job and home (he wants to leave home) and then get this place on the market in January with a view to moving in April-ish.

I then have to make a decision, do I buy a bigger place and stay with my husband, get a smaller place, so I can buy another one for me to get away to? I put the idea to my mother, who would be partly financing it and she wants me near to her, very near. I don't want to be too near her. I would be her slave. She is married to an elderly man and she doesn't drive. I don't mind helping out but worried if I didn't get a job, she would dominate my time.

I was near her when my son was young, my father was alive too and she was helpful but intrusive and felt my authority with my son was undermined. I sound ungrateful and selfish but she has a very strong personality, very charismatic and controlling. I find it hard to be me sometimes. One of the reasons I was glad to move up here was to be freer.

I found I was looking for mother substitutes, which wasn't right but as I felt lonely I was looking for someone to 'look after me'. It had become such a habit. I have had counselling so I didn't need people to validate me. I managed to get to that state in 1996 and felt for the first time my own person.

That was great until 1997 when I moved house and had bad luck ever since.

Bunnie1982

Morning (just) everyone

Feeling all mixed up today and not sure which way to turn, worrying about the usual things jobs and money. I sometimes wish I could just be a stay at home housewife, which makes me resentful towards my hubby for running up so much debt before we met.

He is currently on a debt management plan so the idea of me staying at home is out of the window until 2009 when he clears he debts, or we win the lottery (I can dream can't I?)

The effects of the sleeping tablets are now wearing off on me as expected and I am waking up constantly in the night again and struggling to get back to sleep

feelinggood_2

Morning guys:

CCstar, I know what you mean about family being a hinderance. I find I only feel like that when I'm depressed - when I'm 'normal', I like having family close to me (well, 250 miles away hehe). I'm awful when I get low, I want to run away - always imagine packing up and moving to france and not telling anyone. I suppose you just need to think long and hard about why you want your own place, where you'd be happiest and wether it really is for the best. It does sound like you want to be 'you' and make yourself happy, and thats wonderful - just make sure it is the right thing for you!

Bunnie - sorry your feeling all mixed up, is there anything specific on your mind, or is it just general worries? I'm sorry that you can't stay at home, have you thought about benefits? It might not be for you, but maybe worth considering. I'm eligible for IB and DLA, but can't claim them as I feel too guilty. Luckily I don't *have* to work, but OH is trying to push me in to it - not cos we need the money, he thinks it would help. I really don't think it would. If you aren't well enough to work, you need to sit down and go thru your options.
Sorry aboutthe trouble sleeping - are you having nightmares? Or just struggling to nod off? Nothing worse than lying in bed, knowing you have to get up later on and not being able to get back to sleep

I'm supposed to be packing for germany, sorting out the itinerary, looking up about taxis and airport parking and stuff. But my mind is mush, all I can think about if Mr X.

Horasio

Hi

Is there anything you have to do?

Otherwise, switch off and let it go.

I had a very scary thought today. Do families hinder or help?

I am wanting to make more of my life but I feel undermined by my family. I can't cope with it. They are supposed to be helpful. I sometimes wonder if I would be better alone.

I am waiting for my husband to settle into his job properly, get my son sorted in a job and home (he wants to leave home) and then get this place on the market in January with a view to moving in April-ish.

I then have to make a decision, do I buy a bigger place and stay with my husband, get a smaller place, so I can buy another one for me to get away to? I put the idea to my mother, who would be partly financing it and she wants me near to her, very near. I don't want to be too near her. I would be her slave. She is married to an elderly man and she doesn't drive. I don't mind helping out but worried if I didn't get a job, she would dominate my time and become their permanent carer. I have just completed being a parent. I want to live life for me before I get too old.

I was near her when my son was young, my father was alive too and she was helpful but intrusive and felt my authority with my son was undermined. I sound ungrateful and selfish but she has a very strong personality, very charismatic and controlling. I find it hard to be me sometimes. One of the reasons I was glad to move up here was to be freer. I did have a child to bring up and missed the babysitting, but the cost of flying our son was very low, so sent him to his grandparents once a month to give us a break and them to retain their contact.

I found I was looking for mother substitutes, which wasn't right but as I felt lonely I was looking for someone to 'look after me'. It had become such a habit. I have had counselling so I didn't need people to validate me. I managed to get to that state in 1996 and felt for the first time my own person.

That was great until 1997 when I moved house and had bad luck ever since.

I moved into town which was what we wanted, so I could find work more easily. It didn't work out that way. We had building work, faults with our place etc, so I had to stay home to supervise the workmen. My son wasn't old enough to leave either. My husband broke his leg, so had to nurse him. We had more work that needed doing to the place, so I had to do more supervising. We also had people who had loud parties in our block.

We thought moving to another place would help but no, our son was still too young to leave, he needed nursing through acute appendicitis. He was also at private school, so money was being used for that. In 2002, one of my worst years. We had nasty people doing building work next door which bothered us for 2 months, my father died suddenly and my husband was out of work for 8 months. We looked for work but not successful.

I did get a job for a while but it fizzled out. My husband got work and all was OK. We moved to the house we are at now. I have felt disturbed by the neighbours ever since, which has brought me down. I had an operation in early 2005 which has helped. My husband's contract finished and was only on 3 month contracts for the past year, so was unable to plan. I saved any excess. He is now permanent and the money has gone down but hopefully, we can have some stability but giving it a trial to see if it works out and maybe do something. We want to downsize and get away from here. For the right family, this will be great.

So if things settle, we can make strides to improve our life.

feelinggood_2

WEll done on thinking positively CCStar. Are things ever going to settle down? I've got very poor memory, so altho I've read all your posts, I'm not certain why your son cannot leave now?

My OH does semi-contracting, he is technically fully employed, but takes on contracts so we never know where we are gonna be. All this stuff about Korea is a bit scary, we very nearly went - we would have been there now if we had! The company pulled out at the last minute tho. Bit safer down in Hants I think!