what to do

smily

hi found out on the 29/12/09 that my partner is expecting,the thing is she is not sure she wants to keep it for a few reason 1,she is wanting to start up her business in april,2 worried about not being able to afford things3 she just found out that she might be type two diabetic and has a liver infection,we already have a daughter(8)and she really wants a brother or sister the thing is i dont really agree with terminations(everybody has there own opinion) we are both confused but she is swaying towards termination and im not but i have told her that i will stick by her no matter what she does,she is just scared cus our first one was not an easy ride ,i just dont know what to say to her or know how to comfort her she does and dont want to get rid of it

BitterAndTwisted

If you don't really agree with terminations and she decides to go ahead and terminate have a think about what that might do to you and your relationship. To be honest, having a partner say to me that they'd support me in whatever I decided but also said nothing about having strong feelings one way or the other when they do, is just pushing all responsibility onto only one pair of shoulders.

red_devil

smily wrote: »

hi found out on the 29/12/09 that my partner is expecting,the thing is she is not sure she wants to keep it for a few reason 1,she is wanting to start up her business in april,2 worried about not being able to afford things3 she just found out that she might be type two diabetic and has a liver infection,we already have a daughter(8)and she really wants a brother or sister the thing is i dont really agree with terminations(everybody has there own opinion) we are both confused but she is swaying towards termination and im not but i have told her that i will stick by her no matter what she does,she is just scared cus our first one was not an easy ride ,i just dont know what to say to her or know how to comfort her she does and dont want to get rid of it

i think you should go for it especially as you say you want a sibling? She might regret having a termination. What about handing the baby for adoption if you dont want to go ahead. There would sure be someone out there who would love it and want it. It dosent have to be termination.

feelinggood_2

You and your partner should seriously consider pregnancy counselling. I had a session at my local centre (totally free) and it really helped me decide what to do.

You can find your centre here:
http://www.careconfidential.com/

It was wonderful to have somewhere safe and non-judgemental to talk things through. Has she spoken to her GP about her health and the pregnancy?

Samanthamum

I had a termination a few years ago. My husband was against it. However, he did respect the fact that it was my decision and mine alone and supported me. We already had a child, but I felt I could not cope etc/health reasons. I don't regret it and was glad my husband did not pressure me into doing what he wanted as the woman should have the final say.

(the post by feelinggood is an anti abortion charity BTW)

feelinggood_2

Samanthamum wrote: »

(the post by feelinggood is an anti abortion charity BTW)

Some counsellors are anti-abortion, others are pro-choice, and it is a good idea to go in with your eyes wide open and be aware of their bias. It is very hard to find truly objective help with these sort of emotional things! The website is run by a Christian group, but they don't run the Pregnancy Crisis clinics.

The counsellor I saw definitely wasn't anti-abortion, was just there to listen and help me work through my thoughts.

Asking the GP for a referral to a Counsellor is also an option but in circumstances, might not happen quick enough.

Samanthamum

feelinggood wrote: »

Some counsellors are anti-abortion, others are pro-choice, and it is a good idea to go in with your eyes wide open and be aware of their bias. It is very hard to find truly objective help with these sort of emotional things! The website is run by a Christian group, but they don't run the Pregnancy Crisis clinics.

Sorry, I am quite sensitive to this kind of thing. Read a lot of bad press about the group you mentioned.

I posted on a forum such as this at the time and was bombarded with PMs from anti abortionists, saying I was a murderer, it would kill my marriage, make me neglect/ hurt the child I already had. None of those things happened and I was 100% right to have an abortion, even as a happily married lady.

These kinds of posts on a public forum can bring out the nutjobs.

feelinggood_2

Samanthamum wrote: »

These kinds of posts on a public forum can bring out the nutjobs.

Whilst it isn't nice to be insulted, it also isn't nice to call others' 'nutjobs' because of their views.

I agree that the OP should be careful not to be pushed either way by someone with an agenda, so if they can be found, an impartial Pregnancy Crisis counsellor can be incredibly valuable, as I found.

Samanthamum

feelinggood wrote: »

Whilst it isn't nice to be insulted, it also isn't nice to call others' 'nutjobs' because of their views.

I agree that the OP should be careful not to be pushed either way by someone with an agenda, so if they can be found, an impartial Pregnancy Crisis counsellor can be incredibly valuable, as I found.

You are quite right. The Department of Health publishes a list of list of approved impartial Pregnancy Advice Bureauxs here:

http://www.dh.gov.uk/en/Publichealth/Healthimprovement/Sexualhealth/Sexualhealthgeneralinformation/DH_4063860

Hope that helps the OP, but in a post from last month he says they are trying for a baby, so not sure what is really going on here.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It is her decision, not yours, but IMO, if there is even the slightest feeling that she would like to have the baby/child - if the entire pregnancy and birth was guaranteed perfect, would she still want to abort? - she will probably end up regretting the termination.

As carefully as possible, I think she needs to be asked that question. And you should be honest and tell her that you want her to keep the baby.

Otherwise, you could find yourself looking into her eyes and, instead of seeing the woman you love, you see the woman who chose to get rid of your baby, and when she asks what you are thinking, saying 'nothing' and turning away.

But, if she is certain that she does not want the child at all, never mind the pregnancy and birth, then it is her body and her choice and you must defer to her decision.

I really hope this turns out alright for you all.

Mips

I find it shocking that 'anti-abortion' campaigns are offering 'pregnancy counselling' :eek:

Nice unbiased counselling hey :rolleyes: