what to do

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Dippychick wrote: »

I find it shocking that 'anti-abortion' campaigns are offering 'pregnancy counselling' :eek:

Nice unbiased counselling hey :rolleyes:

I agree, but the same could be said about a charity that offers private terminations also offering counselling to get over the effects of the procedure they've just charged £750 for.

Totally independent is the only real option. But not, sadly, in real life.

smily

Samanthamum wrote: »

You are quite right. The Department of Health publishes a list of list of approved impartial Pregnancy Advice Bureauxs here:

http://www.dh.gov.uk/en/Publichealth/Healthimprovement/Sexualhealth/Sexualhealthgeneralinformation/DH_4063860

Hope that helps the OP, but in a post from last month he says they are trying for a baby, so not sure what is really going on here.

you are as confused as me then as your right we were trying then nothing was happening so she decided to go back on the pill after her last period but that is when she fell pregnant and now because of the liver problem and type two diabetes she just is not sure she does know how i feel but i cant frce her to have

feelinggood_2

smily wrote: »

you are as confused as me then as your right we were trying then nothing was happening so she decided to go back on the pill after her last period but that is when she fell pregnant and now because of the liver problem and type two diabetes she just is not sure she does know how i feel but i cant frce her to have

Does she know anyone else who has been though something similar?

Did she ever have counselling or talk to someone about her traumatic labour/delivery?

I think first port of call would be GP or specialist to ask how pregnancy will affect her conditions. Once you have all of the information, you can make a choice.

tandraig

because of her medical problems what does her gp advise?
if its a termination then support her. if he/she thinks its ok to go ahead with pregnancy then i think that you MUST be honest with her. otherwise, although you dont think so now, in future the loss of your baby may sour things. you still have time (legally) to make the decision, but surely it should be done with total honesty on both sides? It may be her body, but she couldnt have got pregnant without you - and to me that gives you a say in what happens.
I feel for you hun, its a difficult time for you.

daska

diabetes in pregnancy can be managed (they have specialist clinics and monitor you very closely) but liver problems vary considerably. Has she only just found out about the liver problem? Is it something easily dealt with or does it require intensive treatment and/or put the baby at risk?

Steel_2

I think you and your partner needs to have a really in-depth conversation with her doctor about her health issues and the impact of any medication/treatment needed.

Pregnancy is stressful enough without trying to bring recently diagnosed liver problems and diabetes into the equation. How does her doctor plan to stabilise her health problems during pregnancy? How will that affect the baby?

Regarding the business, although pregnancy and new motherhood is not the ideal time to start something, there's no reason why she cannot perhaps dip her toe in the water and start slowly with her business idea - a few hours a week perhaps and then build up gradually as she feels able.

mummy_Jay

As other have mentioned the first thing you need to do is find out the impact of her health conditions on the pregnancy, what are the risks to her both during and after, what are the risks to the baby if she carried on?
Would you still be so pro-baby if you risked lossing your wife/ your daughter lossing her mother or the baby having health issues?

She needs to talk to her gp or other health representative about the emotional effects of abortion and what councelling would be available if she took that option. You may also wish to find out about councelling for both of you if this is what happens as you will need to deal with it in your marrage and not hold it against her.

You need to tell her how you feel, gently but actually say you'd prefer to have the baby but that you will support her in her choice what ever it is. It's a hard one as you need to do it in such a way as not to make her feel like your pressuring her in to it.

As you want the baby have you thought about working through your finances to demonstrate that you can afford another child as this is a worry she has expressed.

You also need to work through with her how she can realise her dream of her own business if she goes ahead with the pregnancy, how will you support her to do this? Would you be willing to take on large amounts of childcare for her so she could start it up and run it when she has the baby? You don't want her looking at you and the baby feeling that she will never realise her dream, she would end up resenting you and possibly the baby too.

At the end of the day it all comes down to making an educated choice knowing the options and planning how you deal with them, neither option will be easy and both with put a strain on your marriage.

smily

my partner knows my views on termination,and we have had a deep talk,the main reasons for her feeling confused is that she does not feel anything toward it like she did our first one ,she has just found out about the other problem so that is worrying both of us she is having test at the moment but early signs are it is not as bad as first thought she is worried about money but nothing has changed there

married04baby05baby06

I really think you should be honest with your partner. She may still want to terminate but on the other hand she may be waiting to hear that you want to go ahead.

I recently had a termination (3 weeks ago) and I am seriously regretting it. Baby wasnt planned and I didnt feel happy about being pregnant (I have many conditions during pregnany, severe sickness where I end up in hospital, early labour etc etc etc) and I felt all this would be to much to go through again. I also run my own business so that also planned a part aswell.

I told my husband I wasnt sure If I wanted to keep and when he said he would support me which ever I felt that was him saying termination was what he wanted to do. (surly he would have told me if he desperatly wanted to keep baby??)

I went ahead an terminated feeling awful but still thinking it was the right decision (it had to be right for both of us)

1 week later I got extremly up set an blurted out I wish I was still pregnant and I made the biggest mistake ever. Hubby told me that he didnt want me to terminate he just didnt want me to feel forced by him into keeping it.

So both of us have killed a baby that WE wanted with out relising that either of us were feeling like this as we were both trying to protect the other ones feelings! Now we are both devistated and extremly guilty over what we did.

I am not saying it will be like this for you but what I am saying is be honest with her say you dont want to terminate but if she still does of course you will be there for her, you love her and you will allways support her dicision.

I hope all goes well what ever you decide :-)

married04baby05baby06

smily wrote: »

my partner knows my views on termination,and we have had a deep talk,the main reasons for her feeling confused is that she does not feel anything toward it like she did our first one ,she has just found out about the other problem so that is worrying both of us she is having test at the moment but early signs are it is not as bad as first thought she is worried about money but nothing has changed there

I felt exactly like this it was only after termination I relised how I really felt and I had just be scared before of pregnacy, birth, running my business and how that would effect our income etc.

Just please make sure she is absolutly definate in her dicision if she decides to terminate. If she is then that is the best thing to do but if she has doubts dont do it even if they are only niggling doubts.