Anyone clued up on benefits? Think me mate is in cloud cuckoo land

SingleSue

Following on from other posts.

Taking on a caring role needs to be carefully thought about, it takes over your life completely...no more going out on a whim to the pub, just jumping in the car for days out etc, everything has to be planned in advance, medication and walking aids loaded, the person receiving care, prepared.

It is an incredibly hard job to do with little thanks and a lot of responsibility especially if there is a myriad of medication to administer. Support systems are there but they are not always easy to access (despite the promises) and your life revolves around the care needs of that person.

For someone used to using their brain and receiving accolades for reaching a target at work, it is an incredible change of lifestyle....there are no accolades for toileting or clearing up sick.

With a young child in the house, the pressure will be tremendous and the care may not always reach the standard required for the child and the caree, a partner may feel sidelined, ignored, the carer can feel alone in their concerns and duties and it can cause sometimes marriage breaking pressure.

All these things need to be taken into account alongside the financial thinking.....and to my mind, are much more important.

Caring is not just about making a couple of cups of tea and sitting watching the telly but a blooming hard slog.

carolt

Wish I could thank that post ten times, Sue. Great post, from one who knows what they're talking about.

fc123

Hi Rob, I read this this morning and was thinking about it today.

Most things got covered so I can only add that he maybe shouldn't change, commit, sell anything until the baby arrives into the world safe and well.

Horrid thing to have to write but childbirth still carries risk and I have had personal experience of this. Everything planned to the nth and then the delivery doesn't go how it should.

Also, is it his partners 1st? She will feel differenrtly about all sorts of things post birth...priorities alter. She may not want to return to work at all (assuming 1 wage is enough income) and may want to be the one who stays at home....but add on 24 hour care for a srtoke 'victim' and it will be full on...as others have said.

I have read most of the thread (but not all) and I would hope that there is a sensible system set up so that her house could be sold and the proceeds used to buy a family home for all of them...but I know little abvout these things.

OH's stepfather has a very ill father at the mo and they have been paying for 'home help' as he is incontinet etc and his mother can't cope as she is v old too. I think they have to pay £1000 per quarter for this.


Check out the 7 year rule...can't you gift your assets to your children as long as you die after 7 years?????

sjaypink

I would guestimate at about £100 pw tax credits & £60 (ish?) CA.

Don't know about the comments earlier: 'why is the fella looking after the kid?!'

HomeSaver2010

Hi Rob,

I have not read through all the responses but from what i have picked up. Your friend may not be entitled to Housing or council tax benefit, Working tax credit or Income Support as he has savings over the thresholds.

Hope this helps

Snooze

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

The benefits system has really distorted (some) people's view of taking responsibility for oneself. Surely the default position should be that everyone (who possibly can) makes provision for their own needs, and doesn't expect our overstretched "state" to provide for their various needs at various life stages.

If the system was still being run as it was 40 years ago, and the cult of fraudulent claims had not become the scourge that it is, no-one would resent those who do get support (because they are genuinely in need), and no-one would put their hands out for largesse when they are perfectly capable of paying their own way.

I blame the single mothers who have never had a proper relationship with their child/ren's father/s as much as I blame those who are quite simply faking illness, because money has been thrown at both of these groups in an effort to be seen to be looking after the "vulnerable" (haha) in society.

It is no wonder those who work and pay their way feel they should get something "back", but being bitter about it will not solve the problem. You don't get it "back" because it was never allocated on an individual basis, and if everyone took out what they put in there would be nothing left to look after those who are genuinely unable to fend for themselves.

Yes and no... I am all for taxes going to those who genuinely need it, eg. disabled people who are obviously at a disadvantage to those of us who are able-bodied/minded, but I still don't think it should be a free lunch. The whole benefits/taxes system needs balancing properly as it's weighted FAR too much in favour of those who have nothing in terms of assets.

My main gripe is that anyone who doesn't have any assets is taken pity on by the pro-benefits brigade when there is a lot more to it than that, eg. I could have no house, no car and no money in my bank account but still have a couple of million under my mattress, live in a rented penthouse and drive a top end Merc on lease. In that scenario I would get all my care paid for by the state and am pretty confident I'd receive a whole bunch of other hand-outs as well, whereas my mate's Old Dear gets nothing because she's sitting on a £250k asset that she and her OH worked hard for all their life, and is expected to hand it over at the drop of a hat in exchange for x years of guaranteed care. It's complete BS and hence why so many people burst vessels over it. Like TWH says in his round-about fashion, you're rewarded for being a dole scrubber but shat on from a great height if you try to make something of your life.

As for the first part of the extract I quote above, why should this frail and presumably fairly old lady even want to hang on to her house, given that she is unable to live in it herself? No need to answer that, it's the old "inheritance grab" again isn't it, dressed up as care and concern.

I can detect BS from a mile off usually, but I honestly don't think that's the case here. There may a small hint of 'ooh I wouldn't mind a slice of that' (let's be honest, who wouldn't?) but I'm pretty sure his main concern is making sure his Old Dear is taken good care of and - having read a lot of horror stories on what goes on in many care homes - he's decided to take it in-house. I don't know about anyone else, but certainly when I get to the age when I'll need looking after, I would much rather that be from my family members rather than being shipped off to a care home where I'm tossed aside and left to rot.

Anyway shouldn't this thread be on Discussion Time? :rotfl:

No! Be quiet.

R

Bogof_Babe

Is he actually trained in nursing care? Lifting, bathing, preventing bed sores etc.?

On another track, I wish people would stop using the word "punished" to describe how they feel about using their own money to pay for their own care. At a stretch, maybe "penalised" is the word they are looking for, but certainly not punished.

sjaypink

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Is he actually trained in nursing care? Lifting, bathing, preventing bed sores etc.?

How many carers are?

Snooze

treliac wrote: »

Even if he takes on this responsibility with the best of intentions possible, and leaving the money aspect entirely aside, his mum's needs are going to be incredibly heavy with little let up in demands.

She may need 24 hour care now, with whatever that entails but how active is the care that's needed?

Does she need feeding and to be given special drinks in case she chokes? Is she incontinent - with all the unpleasant hard work that entails. How mobile is she. Does she need wheelchair, hoisting etc?

It's one thing, caring as a job and working shifts from which you can go home at the end of the working day. Quite another when you are confronted with the responsibility all your waking and many of your sleeping hours.

All this on top of looking after a baby who will demand much undivided time and attention.

And....... mum's condition will worsen with time. She may have further strokes, leading to higher needs and even more attention to accomplish increasingly time consuming care routines. She will probably get colds, flu and other infections on top of her other disabilities. She will experience many difficult emotions as your dependent.

Yes, this is enough to challenge the most capable, committed and caring families and can, indeed, lead to breakdown in relationships.

One other consideration, maybe...... if/when her nursing care needs are high enough, she might qualify for Continuing Care funding, which could entitle her to receive in-patient nursing care free of charge.

His Old Dear is far from being a cabbage (horrible word but somehow appropriate). She understands stuff perfectly well but because of her stroke she finds it virtually impossible to communicate what she wants to say, either in verbal or written form although she is very slowly getting better, especially if she's talked to a lot to try to engage her in a conversation. Her OH was a very quiet man of very few words so my mate thinks that since her stroke he's never really bothered to try to engage her in conversation so of course she hasn't had anyone to 'practice' with, if that makes sense.

As far as I can recall, she can wash and bathe herself on her own (just) and use the khazi without any assistance but is pretty unstable on her pins now and regularly stumbles/falls over. She can be left on her own for maybe a couple of hours tops, but she really needs a constant eye keeping on her just to make sure she hasn't tried - and failed - to do something that's beyond her capabilities.

She can feed herself but struggles even with basic stuff so needs someone to cook proper meals for her etc.

She can walk places on her own but very very slowly, so needs to be wheelchaired if they go anywhere.

R

fc123

This thread may have some useful info in it.
House sold and she is looking at investing the proceeds in a care home annuity.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=2167599