little_h's big dreams :)

little_h_2

Just looked at the date on the above post - I can't believe how long it has been since my last diary entry and how much has happened since.

My wedding is now off. Those of you who frequent the DFW board will have seen a thread titled "Just found out about my partner's debts"

So now an awful lot makes sense about various things that have happened in our relationship over the last 2 years.

In lots of ways, I have to take it as a massive wake up call and lesson learning experience, in that I have let my debt carry on for too long.

I have tried to keep a house going which is too big for my needs, and costs me too much of my income, because I could see my future in the house and thought that was what was important.

My finances have been dictated to me by others for too long (I know the overspending is my own fault, don't worry) but things have happened which have contributed to me staying in debt, were beyond my control, and I am really feeling the lack of flexibility in my finances.

I desperately need a break but just can't afford it at the moment, so this will be the first priority when my house has sold, a week away somewhere just for me. I don't care if I have to go on my own

So... my debt has just increased by approx £3k, because I committed to a large purchase on the basis that my bills would be split with my fiance. I have the available credit, but could really have done without the extra debt, as this is approximately what I had cleared since the original LBM in October last year. I couldn't cancel the order as it was custom built.

I have spent money on doing my bathroom up (which was essential), rather than clearing my debt, because I believed I was staying in my house with my fiance rather than moving. had I known I would be moving I would have spent less.

So today I am feeling resentful but determined. After all, it was still me that spent the money and I had choices there, but I just wish I had been in possession of all the facts, rather than someone hiding the awful, awful truth from me for so long.

I have had a very hectic week, but am having a relaxing day today.

So now this will become a diary about getting my life back on track as well as busting my debts!

The missions:

** find some things to do to get me out and about

(I work full time in the week and also most Saturdays as a musician, so this will be a challenge, but I am very isolated where I live and my closest friends and family live along way away. My local friends are all married with children)

** de-clutter my house and keep it clean and tidy

thanks to the MSE site I have found the Flylady website which is like the answer to my prayers! I love Kim and Aggie but this is better as it has lots of step by step tips on where to start

** keep busting my debt

I know what I need to do, and really over the last few months all my spare cash has gone on the bathroom. With this almost finished, it leaves maximum cash to clear down the debt.

It's a tough choice as I would like to establish a small cash buffer so I can pay for things as they need doing around the house, if I am going to sell my house then there are a few things that need doing which I am unable to do myself due to time/safety constraints.

** not expect too much from myself and be careful what I commit to time-wise

I have to acknowledge that the break up of this relationship has knocked me for six. Financially I am still recovering from my divorce, and all my hopes and dreams for the future were tied up in my relationship with my fiance. I am angry that these have been taken away but there was no choice with what came to light.

Therefore I need to be (cliche coming up) kind to myself. I am exhausted and emotional so can't be there for others as much as I normally would. I need to spend time on my own reflecting.

I am planning a retreat to do help with this, I'm not a religious person but the vicar who was going to marry us has suggested some options which will help me explore my curiosities with my spirituality etc without shoving any religion down my throat a great vicar if you ask me! This will also be a low cost and fairly immediate alternative to my desired holiday!

** plan something lovely for the day I was going to be married and for my honeymoon

watch this space!

beanielou

Sorry to hear your news.
As you say you need to be kind to yourself.
I think the retreat sounds great.
I chant & thats sometimes what keeps me sane.
Take care x

Souk08

Just read through this after 'seeing' you on Hypno's thread. Very hard, but very brave of you and yes you MUST do something lovely on the day of your wedding. My friend was in this position a few years back and she went to india for 5 weeks on a big holiday and loved it. PLEASE take care of yourself XXX

hypno06

It is a situation that involves so many emotions, anger, hurt, resentfulness, and on so many timescales - for the past, the here and now, and the "what ifs" about the future.

Virtual jaffa cakes are the order of the day, methinks x

little_h_2

mmmmm jaffa cakes :j

had an ok today, busy day at work and my brain hurts

enjoyed a nice soggy ride into work on my motorbike, it was sunny when I left and sunny when I arrived but the middle bit was awful! :eek:

never mind. I feel like I am getting back to my old self, enjoying the time in my lid

I've seen a really beautiful little house not far away from where I live now. I'm going for a look on Thursday, in some ways I hope I like it and in some ways I hope I don't, I really don't want to fall in love with it and then miss out as mine will take its time to sell I think

I have 2 estate agents coming round this week and I will hopefully ring a couple more over the next couple of days. It's all new, while I have moved house more times than I care to remember, I've never had to do it all on my own. For now, it's fine, but I know when it comes to packing up and unpacking, I will miss the spare pair of hands!

managed an alcohol free day today and have no more in the house unless I go shopping so hopefully I will manage and not get tempted

little_h_2

pleased with myself at the moment as I have been managing to get a bit of decluttering done over the last couple of evenings, nothing major but it really is true that every little bit makes a difference

my living room looks tidy and my bedroom isn't far off. my kitchen is clean!

I am going to give the bathroom a quick once over tonight and clear out some of the tools etc that are piled up in there ready for the first estate agent visit tomorrow.

I am off to see the mortgage person at the bank tomorrow to discuss my options for moving house, i.e. what deposit I will need if I am moving my mortgage, or can I maybe go interest only for a few months if I need to spend some money tidying up my house to increase its saleability.

The wolf isn't quite at the door but I don't like being this strapped when it's just me now and is likely to be so for a long time!

I can cover the bills and have about £350 left after minimum payments have been made to my cards, but at the bare minimum I think I will need to get the outside of the house painted and this is likely to cost me about a grand. I have a few harp jobs coming the next few weeks which will also help me but other than that I will need to borrow more if I need to do more work on the house.

I have worked out my ideal "no lower than" figure for the house, which will give me enough for a small deposit on a reasonable house, see my cards paid off (I don't mind too much keeping the car loan) and leave enough for a nice holiday.

The figure is lower than I had first thought, at least by paying my mortgage on a good rate I have been clearing equity on my house and this should be enough for the deposit on another (much smaller!) place.

A little silver lining on a very black cloud!

had an email from my vicar today, and one from my former fiance. I;m still really torn on what to do, but no need to rush into anything.

I've also asked the reception venue if I can have the £250 deposit back, this will help with the bills as well. I doubt they will agree but it doesn't hurt to ask now does it

little_h_2

morning everyone, finally given in and taken a duvet day from work today. I haven't slept well all week and my head is banging I feel so utterly washed out but probably not surprising.

had a busy couple of days on the thinking front. had 3 estate agents around and lots to think about there. one figure was very low but I fear this is the most realistic one I could manage to buy somewhere else on this figure but only just, and it wouldnt quite clear my debts.

However a curve ball was thrown too - the possibility of selling half my garden as a building plot. It is a big garden and would mean I could have a more manageable sized garden, some money to clear debts, pay my ex off, finish the work on my house and also pay some off the mortgage. Almost seems too good to be true. The agents are making some initial enquiries with the planning office for me and we will then see what comes out of that.

I have finally bitten the bullet and the outside of the house is being painted next week. This is a lot of money which I am having to borrow initially, but I have lots of harp work in August which should pay for the bulk of it. It's essential to make my house look presentable so I just have to get over it. Hopefully I will feel better about the house too and more inspired to tidy it up on the inside too.

So... today. I have a couple of errands to run and then going to relax with a big pile of books. I can see an afternoon nap with the dog on the sofa too, always enjoyable for both of us and a luxury I don't get very often as he doesn't normally stay with me.

better update my signature....

hypno06

Sorry to read that you are feeling pah, but it is not unreasonable in the circumstances.

The sale of part of the garden sounds interesting - good luck with looking into that - sounds like it could be a reasonable compromise at this stage, clearing debts etc.

Take care x

little_h_2

morning everyone, happy weekend

this weekend is my first totally empty weekend in some time. had some plans but they didn't come off, disappointed but also pleased as I will have lots of time to myself to think lots and maybe get round to some decluttering! I'm loving flylady.net's baby steps!

I have booked 3 days off work next week so with another free weekend coming up, I will have 5 whole days to myself :eek:

I had wanted to go away but money is particularly tight until the end of August so I don't want to end up putting things on my credit card when I know I can't really afford them - double :eek: because I am clearly a changed woman on that front! :T :j :money:

On the plus side, my harp work over the last month and coming month has gone towards getting the outside of the house painted, and I was facing having to borrow more to do this, so I am really pleased with that. All the lost weekends and hours of practice have been worth it!

so....

I am currently thinking really really hard about the position with my house. not heard anything back about selling the bit of the garden, so I'm not thinking about that for now.

If I sell my house, I should be able to clear the bulk of my debt (well the card-related stuff anyway, the car loan will stay but I am comfortable with this as it is coming down), and give my ex his share of the remaining equity, plus I will reduce my monthly outgoings considerably.

I really do love my house though. But staying here means staying in debt and reduces my options to try and have another go at racing which I am desperate to do.

I guess I can put it up for sale and see what happens. I have seen a few possible options to move into but nothing talking to me very much so far - the one place I had seen that I really loved the look of has just sold, before I could even get a chance to go round it.

I'm going back on the 30 day shred (found it on the YAYW board but I see it's very popular on here too thanks to hypno_06! :T ) - it really works. I am hoping to get some pictures done in my wedding dress that never will be - I will be heartbroken not to wear it otherwise. It's a stunning dress, not really a traditional wedding dress but still a bit OTT to wear out on the town.

Our wedding photographer was doing our wedding as a freebie as she is building her portfolio, and she is going to do the dress pictures too. After everything happened with my ex fiance, she was straight on the phone to offer her sympathy and said she had been there too and offered lots of support and advice, I was bowled over as I had only previously spoken to her once!

feeling a bit sick today even though I only had a couple of glasses of wine, think my body is telling me it's had enough wine for a bit so will have a few AF days. These are much easier than they used to be so another result there.

hope everyone has a good weekend x

little_h_2

a pretty positive weekend in the end :j

i caught up with a friend from back when I started riding my bike again yesterday, then went home and felt a bit lonely. then another friend posted on facebook that they were bored at work on a late night and did anyone fancy popping in for a cuppa. I had nothing else planned so we had a good old yarn, again someone else I hadn't seen in too long.

my parents came today to help with the coving in the bathroom (well they ended up doing it for me while I made the tea and played with the dogs!) so again not a lonely day by any means.

so... I have had a couple of blasts from the past and have made steps towards getting myself out and about again which is great and just what I needed.

I've had lots of time to think quietly for myself about what I want with the house and life in general. no definite decisions made but things are churning away in my brain and will start to fall into place soon I hope.

I did a drive by on a house that i'd seen on rightmove today, looked positive so I will investigate some more.

I just need to make my bed now then I can get in my jammies and watch motoGP perfect end to a good weekend.... i'm not thinking about monday mornign until I get there! :rotfl:

edit - 2 AF days on the bounce now, really pleased with this!