Sallyx's Sink or Swim, Swimerdy Swim Diary ;)

sallyx

ah thats lovely spud..I think its wonderful that you still feel like that after 19 years together. I hope im the same in 19 years time

I'll get to see him tomorrow night, so not long but its just not today iykwim

sallyx

Feeling really discombobulated (aka Bunster) today....

B has serious meltdown last night, lots of tears and it just made me very sad. Ex phoned, she didn't want to speak to him, I gave her the phone and he said why don't you want to speak to me and that was it, tears because I miss you daddy. Then I had half an hour of why isn't daddy in our family anymore, but I want him to live with us all the time, why did daddy go away. Completely torn between feeling guilty for putting her through this and guilty that im happy and she isn't. It also made me think that maybe Ive been putting myself before her needs, thinking about moving jobs and ultimately having to take her out of school away from her friends into a completely new environment.

I know this is completely clouding my judgement but I can't help wondering if I am doing the right thing

Lucifa73

Sal - this wobble would have come whether you were happy or not. It is a big change for her to get used and there are bound to be moments like last night.

In the long run you being happy will help her adapt regardless of where that might end up being.

Stay strong - you deserve to be happy and Bea will adapt better because you are. It is the ex's twuntish inability to put his daughter before his bike x

Bunnyinthelights

Yuo know what I think about all this hun. I am quite sure it was just a wobble on her part because XOH was on the phone. You need to look at the BIG picture.

redsquirrel80

Sal, you're doing your best to build a happy, stable life for her, so please don't feel guilty. She has been happier in general since your ex left hasn't she? She will miss him, but remember it was him who had the affair, and him who hasn't come to visit when you've given him the opportunity. It will be hard, but you are a fantastic mum (otherwise you wouldn't be worrying about this) and you will do the best for her x

sallyx

yep me having a wobble too...i think im also a bit worried myself at the prospect of moving away from here and leaving what is familiar. Im not going to think about it at the moment as its not a certain and counter productive to worry about something that might not happen. I had a chat to R about it this morning and he said pretty much the same and that I really was a good mummy and that things would settle down.

Another 5 miles of running this morning after 4 miles last night and 10k on sunday...loving it at the moment and would happily go out everyday! Need to make some money some way, am skinter than a skinty thing

Off to school this afternoon, would happily go to bed to be honest am so so tired

Buffythedebtslayer

Night terrors are no more Sally and frankly if he visited B regularly she wouldn't get the chance to be so upset. talking on the phone to a five year old is not enough. Perhaps if he had his priorities straight and came to see his child (or indeed wasn't a total !!!!!!!! for 70% of the time) things would be different

Just think for a minute

B with R's kids

B on the beach part of a family with older brothers and sisters and maybe a little sister/brother to play with.

You and R on the weekends having fun with her and doing the school run during the week.

One phone call does not cancel out all of that. He did this not you. How much respect would yourteenage daughter have for you if you stayed with waste of space who would continue to cheat and lie - what environment is that for a child? R and you being happy is SO much better for you all

Hugs mate xxxxxx

sallyx

Yep Buffy, you have put it all in total perspective!

beanielou

Yah to Buffy

Bunnyinthelights

Well done Buffy x