Advice about my daughter predicament.

Cacran

Yes Lilac Pixie, that is what she has got. I never knew that anyone could be so badly affected. She is completely bed bound, can hardly drink as it comes straight back up, she eats very little. At last count, a few weeks ago, she had lost 3 stones in weight. Under normal circumsances, the weight loss would have been welcomed, but now it is a worry. She is sick regularly. I is ainly bile and blood, which upsets me a lot. she suffers from accute migraine, alway has, but now she can take no medication. She has eaten nothing and had no drink all day. she hasn't even got up to go to the loo. He head is aching and she can't bear to speak to anyone. she is just in a darkened room. She is 17 weeks pregnant now. a long way to go if she does not improve. I don't know how she can bear it.
I think her partner is trying his very best to understand. It is hard for him to know what is best to do. I think he feels responsible but it is not his fault. None of us expected this.

Cialilerin

I had the same condition with my last child (after 3 straight-forward problem free pregnancies!). I lost 2 stone in the first 6 weeks and weighed less at full term than before I got pregnant!;) The good news for me was that it did start to ease about 20 weeks, although to be honest, I was still quite ill and weak until baby was born. The best advice the GP gace me was if I could keep any food or drink down for at least 20 minutes, I would gain something from it. Has your daughter had to be admitted to hospital to be re-hydrated, it's quite common with this condition.

My partner was a star and looked after the other children but he did struggle to cope with me hating every minute of being preganant, when it should have been an exciting time.

There are some fantastic support groups on the internet if your daughter has the strength/motivation to get on the computer. I found it reassuring to know that I was not the only one to go through this. On the bright side, within a couple of weeks of having our beautful little girl, I was able to eat normally- unfortunately put all the weight back on again!

Hope she feels better soon.

Freebie_Hunter_2

Another sympathetic Mum here. I had sickness from day 1 right up until my son was born. At the worst it was 5 or 6 times a day & I could just about keep down some watery Smash. At best it was once a day in the morning.

I really hope that she starts to feel better soon, it must be hard for you all. Every day that passes is a day closer to feeling better

Cacran

Oh it is amazing how many people have suffered from this condition. It's a wonder they don't do a feature of it in the media. It might make people more aware of the problem, and maybe there could be more help for the patient.
My daughter went to the doctor that she always had to have her pregnancy confirmed, but that doctor did not cover the area that she now lives in. I pushed her into changing her doctor to the one covering her address.
She reluctantly did that, went to the new doctor twice. the new doctor told her that if she didn't drink more she would be hospitalised and put on a drip and given anti sickness drugs. she also said she didn't agree with the drugs, in her opinion she should take nothing.
My daughter is very afraid of any sort of medics/ dentists, to the point of it being a phobia. she cannot stand needles and usually faints when having blood tests etc.
This does not help at all. She is booked into a hospital near her own address, because of the change of doctor.
She has now returned to live with us for the forseable future, maybe until after the baby is born. She will need to have her old doctor back, I think and to change the hospital, to one near here.
Her partner and her are moving back to this area as soon as their rental contract expires (it's a long complicated story!!)
At present she has spent 36 hours with a blinding migraine,she can't get to sleep for the pain. she hasn't eaten or drunk anything in all that time and has been sick lots through the night. I have been up all night as I am so worried about her.
Goodness knows how she will go on when she actually has the baby. she will have to deal with medics then.
She is due to go to the doctor on Friday. That will be hard. the drive is at least 10 miles and we are ankle deep in show today, let's hope it clears a bit. she has not been out of bed since beginning of November, other than for a couple of doctors appointment and a hospital scan. Next week she has to see the midwife (for the first time), another 10 mile journey.
I do hope that the baby is growing well and is born fit and well at the end of this traumatic journey.

Cacran

Just to keep you up to date and keep the thread going........ the BF has now decided he cannot cope and has left my daughter and the relationship.
My daughter, on top of the physical aspect of Hyperemesis Gravidarum, is now having to deal with her plight. She is flitting between weeping and sleeping with the odd migraine thrown in. She won't let me call a doctor as she does not want to take any medication. She is afraid that the baby may be affected, adversly by taking anything. She vows this will be her only chance to have a child as she would not go through another pregnancy. Now she will be without a partner , the partner who could not understand why she cried for a whole day when she discoverred she was pregnant when he thought it was good news!!!!Some people are so self centred, so able to just dupe out. I am feeling very angry towards this guy who came across as a nice lad. He befriended my brother and his teenage boys in a big way. they have tried to offer him support. Now they cannot believe what he is doing to their niece and cousin.
It is coming out of the woodwork from the BF friends that he has always had a proble with his emotions and has entioned suicide on a number of occasions. Honestly, he wouldn't have had the bottle!!!!
i am venting my anger a bit now as I am getting to my wits end.

csh_2

Cacran wrote: »

Just to keep you up to date and keep the thread going........ the BF has now decided he cannot cope and has left my daughter and the relationship.
My daughter, on top of the physical aspect of Hyperemesis Gravidarum, is now having to deal with her plight. She is flitting between weeping and sleeping with the odd migraine thrown in. She won't let me call a doctor as she does not want to take any medication. She is afraid that the baby may be affected, adversly by taking anything. She vows this will be her only chance to have a child as she would not go through another pregnancy. Now she will be without a partner , the partner who could not understand why she cried for a whole day when she discoverred she was pregnant when he thought it was good news!!!!Some people are so self centred, so able to just dupe out. I am feeling very angry towards this guy who came across as a nice lad. He befriended my brother and his teenage boys in a big way. they have tried to offer him support. Now they cannot believe what he is doing to their niece and cousin.
It is coming out of the woodwork from the BF friends that he has always had a proble with his emotions and has entioned suicide on a number of occasions. Honestly, he wouldn't have had the bottle!!!!
i am venting my anger a bit now as I am getting to my wits end.

Obviously you are only seeing it from your own point of view.


Why is she not getting medical help? She is putting the health of the baby at risk if she is dehydrated.

I'm not even clear as to whether or not she is seeing a doctor?

From his point of view, he was delighted she was pregnant, she was ill, she goes back to her parents and doesn't get back out of bed and refuses any medication for the condition

I had hyperemesis with my DS and was in hospital twice. The doctors treat the sickness with drugs that are safe in pregnancy.
It sounds to me like your daughter is just scared of getting an injection for anything so is hiding in her bed.

How will she cope when she goes into labour?

If I had flucked off and left my partner in the same situation as you describe I don't think he'd be very understanding.
Neither would I if the tables could be turned tbh.

You need to take your daughter to the doctor and get her hydrated and medication to help the sickness.

Get her health sorted then start worrying about her ex OH.

Cacran

I have seen both sides of it csh. There is a lot of truth in what you say but it is not so black and white. When she went to the doctors when she was still living at the flat, the doctor said she was worried about the weight loss etc and that she really needed someone there. The doctor explained that if she did not get any better she would end up in hospitalbut that she did not agree with what the hospitals do regarding anti sickness drugs (or so my daughter tells me!!!). As the OH worked long shifts, had over an hours travelling time to work and back and on top of that, two days a week went to five a side soccer and rugby training, there were hours and hours of her being on her own. they had moved into a new flat which was freezing. There were only blinds up at the windows, the room was honestly, massive having a corner position in an old mill. there were three huge ceiling height windows and a french door which a breeze blew through. The heaters were two small convectors which didn't even touch the cold. The bedroom was just as cold. It is along the side of a canal and we live in Yorkshire. Since they moved there iin mid Nov we have had some awful weather. She was at a very low ebb. they decided between them that she should come here. Him and his mum delivered her here with her stuff, his mum said it was a must as he couldn't possibly be there all the time for her. It seemed the only way to go. We would rather it not be like this but we could not turn her away. He is welcome to stay (or was) anytime.
She has been over to see her doctor twice since she came here my husband took her once and her OH took her the other time. Her first visit with the midwife should have been last Tuesday. OH wanted to go with her so he arranged time off. Last thing Monday he sent her a text saying he wasn't taking her. she tried to get in touch to ask why, and nothing. She tried all evening, she knew he was staying with his mum, he has been there all the time, the flat empty exept for a couple of nights when he has been to pick up ost etc. She was so upset as they'd arranged for the visit to the midwife and wanted to chat about what would happen in the future. She was too poorly for the trip which is over 10 miles, it was sleeting, our street was sheet ice. I didn't want her dad to take her in case anything happed on the roads. The appointment was cancelled.
The following day his mum phoned my daughter, she was shouting at her, my daughter was sobbing. I took hold of the phone, we had a heated debate. some things we agreed on, some things not. She said that her being with us was the only way it could have been. she also confessed that she#'d taken her sons phone off him the night before as he was too stressed out (he is 26) she'd sent him to bed. She said he'd tried to take his own life. she said that they should sit in a room with her to talk. I said they could come over here and we would go out, to give them time to theselves. she said he was in no fit state to drive over here. (30 miles journey). My daughter was distraught, woried about what had happened with him. she insisted we drive her there or she would take the car herself. she has not been on a feet for weeks. We had no choice. We battled through terrible road conditions to get there. she hadn't told him she was going as wasn't sure if he would bottle out. when we got there, no one was in. In case you think we might have been going in with her, we weren't we were going to sit in the car. She put a not through the letter box. We went home. later that night she got a text. he'd been to the pub with his friend for a chat. He said his mother had grossly exagerated, that he had not tried to kill himself. anyway there's a lot more to it after that but impossible to relay it all.
She has changed her doctor back to the one near where we live so from tuesday will be able to access more easily, the medics. I know my daughter is very awkward. She does have blood tests for thyroid problems and faints with fear when she has had the blood test. don't know why, it does not bother me although her grandma was exactly like her. It is a real bind. And, no, I don't know how she will go on when she has to have the baby. She did have a miscarriage 5 years ago at her own home so she has a bit of an idea. This pregnancy was not planned, he was against abortion as his previous girlfriend had had one 15 months ago and he describes it as having murdered his last child and does not want it to happen again. I think he maybe wants to ease his mind by replacing the one he feels he lost. My daughter feels very much like a host at present. He says his mum puts things into his head. She did npt like his last girlfriend which caused problems. Can you see a pattern emerging here? She told me that my daughter should be rejoicing the fact that they are bringing a child into the world. I think she is in cloud cuckoo land!
My priority is to get the help needed to keep my daughter safe. I think the boyfriend has shown his colours now.

hattiefats

I think it's hard for people who have sailed through pregnancy to understand when others find it very hard. Given your daughters condition she is likely to feel pretty rough throughout. Maybe the ex thought all would be rosy in the garden with the pregnancy and he's had a bit of a reality check as she's been so ill. Hopefull once she has the baby she will start to feel abit more like herself again.
I do wish you the very best and hope things get better soon.

mum2one

I really hope everything works out, I just couldn't run by without sending my wishes.

I'm so sorry that things aren't working out with the bf, maybe he can't understand the full situation and runs and hides, some people can't cope with seeing their partner ill.

I had bad morning sickness when I was expecting dd, not to the extent that ur daughter is going through, from morning to night, anything would trigger it, from puttong a toothbrush in my mouth, to opening shampoo.

Your daughter really needs to get some help and support now, I know u said she has a phobia, but shes responsible for another person now, I'm petrified of hospitals myslef, when we did the antenatal classes and went round the labour word, I went into hystericals, but then I knew I had to put my feelings and htoughts aside.

If she can manage to keep drinks or food down for 20 mins she is getting some nutrients, but it does sound like she may haveto go down the hospital route for rehydration.

I would say for now she needs to avoid stress, esp regarding bf and concentrate on the baby, she doesn't want to put the babys health at risk.

I flicked through, so apologies if I ask something that has already been mentioned, is she back at the original GP (her own gp) then if yes, they should have some prior knowledge of her phobia, although they may want her to be seen by the consultant at the hospital, as without sounding daft their specialsed.

Midwifes can do a home appointment, usually its the 1st one, but if you explain the situation they may be able to work around it.

My intentions werenot to alarm, or to upset anyone but as an outsider looking in, for me I had the pregnancy from hell, I was sick as a dog till 27 weeks, I hadto pack in work at 7 weeks gone, between 20 and 22 weeks gone lost 10lb that out of it, I was on holiday in Turkey at the time bymyself, not a move I'm recoomend!! Whilst this was going on I was in a violent and abusive relationship, I had 2 solicitors, one dealing with issues regarding my employment, one dealing with what I was going with my partner, my midwife had got social services involved as because fo what he had done and what I was going through they wanted to put the baby up for adoption, I had to fight that as well, add on at 27weeks, my spine gave way (due ot previous car accidents), so I was between a pr of crutches and a wheelchair, at 7 mths gone I finally walked outon my partner, but today I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter, who I would not be without, I have supportive parents, health wise - nt good I'm classed as disabled, but I had to put the baby 1st, and put my fears of hospital aside, I knew that my daughter was a miracle I had 5 miscarriages before I had her, even before I had my daughter I was told it was unlikely I'd carry full trm, but I did.

I can't remember the condition that the other poster described by name sorry, but I would suggest getting a print off of it, asking for a home visit by the GO and if they say your daughter has to go into hospital it will only be for the shortest time possible, she needs help now.

As for the bf, just forget him for now, as for his mum andyou both discussing the situation over the phone - forget it, the two people who should be dealing with this are your daughter (when she gets her strength back) and her boyfriend.

She needs help, isn't it better for her to get help now, rather than help get forced on her.

GlasweJen

OP what about when the baby comes? Were they going to live in that cold house with a baby? I think both adults need their heads banged together, your daughter is not the only one to have a problem pregnancy and her partner sounds like a 9 year old boy playing house and now that he's bored he's off to the football. Tell your daughter that pregnancy = hospital and she could put that poor baby at risk.

Your daughter should start planning as if she's going to be a single parent. Visit CAB when the weather calms down to get an idea of what money she'll have when baby comes and visit the local council and see what they'll offer with regard to a council house or a deposit for a private let. Get everything in place now so that your daughter at least has that stability, if partner wants access or to provide then they can negotiate that later.