Advice about my daughter predicament.

Cacran

My daughter has been in a relationship with a guy for a year. They are both 25. they both had their own appartments in different towns and a few months ago decided to move into my daughters. After about a month they realised that just the one bedroom was a bit sall with all their stuff so arranged to move into a two bedroomed on in the same block. Just before the move, they discovered that my daughter was pregnant. She was upset but he was over the moon. they both work full time. My daughter became very ill before the move she has a condition where she is very sick and tired and is basicaly confined to her bed. she has lost 3 stones in weight and is in a poorly state. On the day of the move she basically moved from her bed in her old flat to the bed in her new one. It was awful. She was left on her own most of the time as he works as a policeman and sometimes has long shifts. the new flat has turned ut to be a big mistake. she could not settle and the docotor said she needed someone with her of she would finish up in hospital. They both agreed that she needed to come home to stay with us, to be looked after. Obviously she is off work (nursery nurse) but only gets ssp. Her boyfriend is mainly staying at his mothers and the flat is empty most of the week. He has spent very little time with her although he has been made welcome and is encouraged to stay here. I must admit the atmosphere is a bit boring as she is throwing up or sleeping most of the time. Over Christams he has got really awkward with her. He is saying that she is not the same as he thought she was and that the relationship is on the rocks and has suggested that they finish. She is too weak to really get to grips with arguing but he has the bit between the teeth and will not let go. His arguments are by texts, I have read them and he is feeling sorry for himself in a big way. Basically he needs to grow up and get to grips with the situation. He does not want her to abort the baby as his last girlfriend did that and he says he has never got over it. My daughter is now 16 week gone and doesn't feel she could get over such atraumatic thing at this stage and she feels so bad she will never wish to have anymore children, unless she adopts. His opinion is that she is being selfish as he would like a few children.
He has been over to see her today for the first time since Boxing Day and has very little to say face to face. Seems he can just go on at aher via text.
she is not sure that the relationship can continue unless he gets to grips with things. she needs to make a plan for if it all falls through.
She wants to continue to work as she is deputy manager at the nursery and has got a degree with Open university and is working on he post graduate one now. she does not want to give up studying as the qualifications will lead to much better work in the future within the education system. She would then be able to work term time only.
She wants to move back to the town we live in, to get rid of the new flat when the 6 months contract is up. She would either get a place with him near here and commute to workuntil she could change jobs or if the relationship broke down she would have to live at home with us and put her stuff into storage until she could get a place sorted out for her and the child.
Would she be entitled to any benefits from the government isf she was a lone parent?? He would have to contibute to the child, we know that.

welshmoneylover

Wow, long post. Is she suffering with morning sickness or something entirely different?

Only asking cos morning sickness will soon pass!

karenx

If she was working 16 hours or more she would be entitled to working tax credits ontop of the child tax credits and child benefit she would already be getting. Also help towards childcare while she works. If she chose not to go back to work as a single parent she would get income support and child tax credits and child benefit.
As a single parent on income suport she would only be allowed to keep £20 per week of any maintence, if working she can keep the whole lot.

kingfisherblue

There is a payment to all pregnant women, but it is for later in the pregnancy - I think it is called the Health In Pregnancy grant and is about £180 I think.

If your daughter can cope with working as well as being a mum, this would probably be most beneficial for her. Not only would she be better off financially (and may possibly receive some benefits even though she works), but it would also keep her up to date in her career. As a nursery manager, she will be aware of the need for knowledge of current legislation, educational initiatives for the Early Years and Foundation Stage, Safeguarding Children, etc. If she takes just a few years off, she will find it much harder to find a postion as a manager, despite her qualifications.

I hope that your daughter is feeling better soon.

NASA_2

If she is sick then she can apply for ESA once SSP is finished. When she is within 11 weeks of the expected date of confinement she could apply for Income Support - if she is a lone parent once the baby is born and no longer employed then she can stay on IS.

Cacran

Thanks for all your replies.

Things have improved. He has come to realise that he has been out of order and has apologised to my daughter, and to both me and my husband, which took some bottle on his behalf. I have to give him some credit for that.
My daughter still wants to move nearer to us and at present, he agrees it will be best.
I think my daughter has lost a bit of faith in him but bridges can be built, hopefully, and things could work out.
She does want to continue with her career, regardless of what happens. I think if it does happen that she is on her own, in some way she will cope as it seems there is some help out there.
Her condition is more thn ordinary morning sickness. For how long she will remain poorly, we dont know. We just hope she gets better soon.

thanks again.

sunnyone

Cacran wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies.

Things have improved. He has come to realise that he has been out of order and has apologised to my daughter, and to both me and my husband, which took some bottle on his behalf. I have to give him some credit for that.
My daughter still wants to move nearer to us and at present, he agrees it will be best.
I think my daughter has lost a bit of faith in him but bridges can be built, hopefully, and things could work out.
She does want to continue with her career, regardless of what happens. I think if it does happen that she is on her own, in some way she will cope as it seems there is some help out there.
Her condition is more thn ordinary morning sickness. For how long she will remain poorly, we dont know. We just hope she gets better soon.

thanks again.

I hope everything goes ok, your there for her and her partner has had the bottle to say hes been in the wrong so there is a chance that everything will turn out ok.

LilacPixie

welshmoneylover wrote: »

Wow, long post. Is she suffering with morning sickness or something entirely different?

Only asking cos morning sickness will soon pass!

Sorry WML I had Hypermisis Garvandium with both pregnancies and it lasted the full distance. Not sure if this is what the OP's daughter has but if it is she has my sympathies.

welshmoneylover

Never heard of that LilacPixie, what is it? The worst morning sickness possible? I only had it mild for a couple of weeks and that passed after a cuppa.

kingfisherblue

I wish my morning sickness had passed within a couple of weeks! It was around five months for each pregnancy (3 children) and with my middle child I lost more than a stone in weight.

LilacPixie

WML its basically morning sickness on steroids. pukes constantly even water comes up. I needed to be hospitalised twice for IV fluids and on anti puke drugs that didn't stop the puking only made it less frequent. It really is totally debilitating.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperemesis_gravidarum gives a better explanation.