Dealing with family fall out

LookingForHelp_3

McKneff wrote: »

Dont want to sound rude but it could be something to do with her age.

Menopause can happen at any time for women and presumably she is at least forty, it could be part of the explanation

She is nearing that age, and there have been other signs (hot flushes). She has been much more emotional since becoming a Grandmother. It seems to be getting worse though.

dogcat_2

Sorry to state the obvious (or not) but could you not just phone and ask her if she is ok....after all if you are close, then I don't see a problem.
I don't think it is right for you to be kept 'in the dark' as it were...very unfair on you at a time when you too need support.

McKneff

LookingForHelp wrote: »

She is nearing that age, and there have been other signs (hot flushes). She has been much more emotional since becoming a Grandmother. It seems to be getting worse though.

Nearing that age? I dont think a lot of people realise that pre menopausal symptoms can be there for years before the proper onset. And yes,
it is a very emotional time, mentally it is a terrible time for a woman, not particularly when you get going so to speak, its the start of it and it comes as a bit of a shock. If it is that then it will get worse till she gets some help with it,

She needs lots of love, cuddles and reassurance.
Give her a ring and tell her your worried about her. It cant get any worse for you.

But please remember, none of this is your fault.

Errata

LookingForHelp wrote: »

On Boxing day, my Mum flipped out and went crazy. She started sobbing and eventually walked out. My Dad went after her, and they arrived home 4 hours later and went straight to bed. I got up before them and got the train home. I left a note apologising for if I did something to upset them. I've since had a text saying she'll phone me when she feels better.

I really don't know what happened. I'm totally confused.

I'm finding it hard to deal with, as I'm pretty fragile anyway. It reminded me of my childhood, where she flip regularly (one a week or so) and shout and cry. All my old feelings of guilt and fear are back.

I'm going through a difficult period in my life and feel I've lost my only ally.

Your old feelings are those of a child and they won't fit the situatiuon now you're an adult. It's a bit like getting frustrated in the supermarket - kids can throw themselves on the ground and howl and although adults would like to do that too, they have grown up and know that's not the best way to feel and deal with things.

Ring your mum and talk to her, it's the only way you'll find out what's what, and perhaps not even then but at least you will have behaved like a mature adult with adult emotions and tried.

tandraig

If I were you I would just ring up and ask if she feels ready to talk about whatever was upsetting her.
I am not going to comment on other things you have said such as your dad being protective etc. its useless to speculate until you know what was going through mums mind.
until then dont assume you are somehow at fault, just be supportive until mum is ready to talk to you. and if she doesnt - then its probably nothing to do with you or your OH.
hope your mum soon puts your mind at rest hun.

LookingForHelp_3

I'm hesitant to call as she said very clearly that she'd call me when she felt better. This has helped me realise that I've been a bit self centred. I don't think that I can offer support but I'll make sure I stop taking so much. We have a strange relationship and I can't or shouldn't ask things. I'll just have to try and forget about it. I need to learn to cope alone.

Starry_Skies

If I were you I would talk to your dad and explain how it's making you feel- he may open up to you about whatever is making your mum like this but remember DO NOT blame yourself. Easily said I know, but really try not to let this upset you x

choille

Your Mother is probably feeling embarassed about her behaviour - who knows?

You sound like you had to do the egg shell walk when growing up - maybe she is just like this?
You shouldn't feel guilt, what you should do is increase your support networks & social circle.
She's the grown up & should offer some explanation, or your Father should. It does sound a bit like everyone's tip toeing around your Mother in a way.
If it's bothering you to the point of distraction phone them or visit & ask why she behaved the way she did.
If anyone should feel guilt it is your parents as they owe you & your brother an explanation of sorts - not being fobbed off with being told you'll be texted when she feels better.

Bonny1

Why do you assume, this is something to do with You, or your Brother?

Sounds to me, like this is, just the way, your Mum is.. your never going to get a truthful answer.

tbh, I hate these secrets, lies, and hushed conversarions, behind closed doors in families.. Kids are not stupid, and your now carrying the baggage, of years gone by.

You need to focus on your own life now Honey... and when you have your own kids, don't behave in the same way. Keep everything open and honest.

HNY

Bonny

tiff

I totally agree, my Mum was a bit like this (keeping secrets). Its not necessary and you shouldnt be made to feel you cant ask questions.