Dealing with family fall out

LookingForHelp_3

On Boxing day, my Mum flipped out and went crazy. She started sobbing and eventually walked out. My Dad went after her, and they arrived home 4 hours later and went straight to bed. I got up before them and got the train home. I left a note apologising for if I did something to upset them. I've since had a text saying she'll phone me when she feels better.

I really don't know what happened. I'm totally confused.

I'm finding it hard to deal with, as I'm pretty fragile anyway. It reminded me of my childhood, where she flip regularly (one a week or so) and shout and cry. All my old feelings of guilt and fear are back.

I'm going through a difficult period in my life and feel I've lost my only ally.

jillymit

Hi Lookingforhelp,
I didn't want to read and run.
It sound to me like your Mum has her own issues going on and (and has for a while) It is NOT your fault. It may be difficult for you to cope with things yourself but you need to be strong for yourself and your Dad.
Is it possible to contact your Dad and offer him support? You may find this helps you as a result.
Have you anyone else you can talk to?
Keep posting on here, there are some lovely supportive people who will be along with more practical advice soon I'm sure.

tiff

I was wondering if maybe your Mum or Dad has an illness they havent told you about or maybe something else is going on. Maybe you could give them a call to find out if everything is ok, you do deserve some kind of explanation.

LookingForHelp_3

Thank you for your reply.

My Dad is very devoted and has a desire to protect my Mum and I feel that he'll be cross with me for causing the upset, even if I didn't (I really don't know if I did or not). He is a real closed book and doesn't like talking about things like this.

I don't have anyone else to talk to, my Mum was my confidant.

It was all so sudden. Mum went to collect my Brother, and said goodbye before she left. She arrived later than we'd have thought, so my Dad was worrying. When she returned she was upset. She'd been fine up till then.

Jake'sGran

As your Mum had these outbursts when you were younger do you think it is possible that she suffers from clinical depression. Would you know if she did? There may be a problem between your Dad and Mum that you don't know about. It's so difficult not to think about it and wonder if it is something to do with you but it does not sound like it. I have come to the conclusion that most families have "issues". In our family I am very careful what I say to my daughter and son. And really, this means we are not behaving naturally. I dislike Christmas very much and this is one of the reasons why as my son and daughter have no contact but I don't really understand why. You need to be strong but I know it is very hard to do. Your health is important too so don't let family problems bring you down when you have not done anything to cause them.

rainbow81

Hey lookingforhelp,
Sorry I can't add any advice, my mum went a bit off the edge when I was visiting at Christmas and from my sister's accounts has got worse since I left. So anyway, I am in no position to advise but I have felt all the old feelings from when I was a child come up too, so I know it is not easy at all.

I agree they are your mum's issues though and not yours, so please don't think you did anything wrong.

Love and hugs,

R x

tiff

LookingForHelp wrote: »

Thank you for your reply.

My Dad is very devoted and has a desire to protect my Mum and I feel that he'll be cross with me for causing the upset, even if I didn't (I really don't know if I did or not). He is a real closed book and doesn't like talking about things like this.

I don't have anyone else to talk to, my Mum was my confidant.

It was all so sudden. Mum went to collect my Brother, and said goodbye before she left. She arrived later than we'd have thought, so my Dad was worrying. When she returned she was upset. She'd been fine up till then.

What is it you think you may have done/said when she flipped? What was actually going on when this happened?

LookingForHelp_3

Thank you for your replies. I know my Mum had Depression and related problems when I was growing up, but seemed very much recovered, until recently.

She did 'flip' in a similar way when she visited me earlier in the year, she just got all upset/angry and said she had to leave. My Dad was apologetic, but no explanation was ever given.

I'm very worried, I wish I knew what was going on. I've been very ill and my Mum has been a big support, so perhaps that is why she doesn't want to tell me what is going on.

jinky67

LookingForHelp wrote: »

I'm very worried, I wish I knew what was going on. I've been very ill and my Mum has been a big support, so perhaps that is why she doesn't want to tell me what is going on.

I think that probably is why she hasnt told you, but your Mum certainly sounds like is struggling herself

Dont be blaming yourself though, because that is not going to help you

LookingForHelp_3

tiff wrote: »

What is it you think you may have done/said when she flipped? What was actually going on when this happened?

My Partner decided to head home instead of staying for the remainded of the visit. This isn't unusual and I told my Mum I wasn't upset or anything. She asked if I was okay, and I said I was. She discussed the meal for the night, and then we just chatted. She then went to collect my Brother as planned, but took a long time to get him. When she came home, she was very upset. Brother didn't understand either, and it didn't seem to be his fault. I wondered if it was because of my Partner leaving, but it wasn't that odd a thing and seems a big over reaction.

McKneff

Dont want to sound rude but it could be something to do with her age.

Menopause can happen at any time for women and presumably she is at least forty, it could be part of the explanation