family, what would you do?!

Janey3

I think I would go with your Dad and baby to see them, just tell your Dad that's how it will be. I'm sure they will fall in love with baby and hopefully all will be well. If not, at least you will have tried.

tsstss7

Bennifred wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks they've got a bit of a cheek wanting to see YOUR daughter but not you? You should come as a package, surely - especially as she is so young. What does the baby's mother think about all this?

I agree with Bennifred here. The baby should come as a package with you and her mother and definately not be toted around by another relative - it just seems wierd and a dangerous precedent to set. What if this is just their way of excluding you and is the only way they are willing to persue a relationship with their great grandchild - would you be happy for that to continue?

Once you have agreed to such an arrangement you will find it hard to stop in the future.

sarymclary

Factor - in light of what you've said I think you should go with your gut on this one.

Most people are fortunate to have lovely grandparents, but sometimes they aren't so nice. I think you and your OH need to discuss this and make a decision that is right for your family.

LilacPixie

I am torn.

The mum part of me is screaming tell them to go forth and multiply, if they want nowt to do with you then they are opting to have nowt to do with great granchild but then the granchild part of me kicks in, I lost both my grandparents at a quite you age (teens) and i would kill for them to be able to see my girls just the once.

I think you should say right rather than taking daughter to an enviroment she has never been without her parents for comfort they come to see you then you are own your own territory so to speak. Baby will feel more at ease and hopefully they will be fine. If they refuse to visit because you are there then IMO you have your answer

January20

Bennifred wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks they've got a bit of a cheek wanting to see YOUR daughter but not you? You should come as a package, surely - especially as she is so young. What does the baby's mother think about all this?

No, you're not the only one! I totally agree. The baby is not a new gadget that they can seen whenever they wish because they're curious. If they want to have a relationship with the child, even just only see her once, they should have a relationship with the parents!

Rachel85

Life is too short to bear grudges, but it is also too short to waste time on people who don't deserve it. You can't pick your family and sometimes it just doesn't work out.

I wouldn't even entertain the idea of allowing my dad to take my child to visit my estranged grandparents at their request, when I hadn't got an invite. I guess their request has come via your dad? In which case I woud say that, were you to be invited as a family, you would gladly accept however you are not comfortable for your child to visit without you. Alternatively could you invite them over to your house should they wish to see your child? Might be better on your territory and looks like you've been the better person in holding an olive branch.

I honestly wouldn't worry about your daugher's interpretation of the situation in years to come. Kids are pretty understanding of a variety off situations. If asked, stating that you don't see them because you're not friends will probably be enough. When they're older there'd be no harm in explaining the situation and letting them make their own mind up - families row, its the way of the world and the sooner we learn that and how to deal with it the better.

paddy's_mum

Smashing post CAFCGirl! Balanced, logical, and a fair and face saving way forward for everyone involved.

OP - I think you could do far worse than take the advice offered. In the final analysis, what do you want to prove? That you are more stiff-necked and unforgiving than your grandparents? Whoever wins that battle has lost the war.

There comes a time in your life when standing up for yourself slips over into being obstinate and bluddy minded. Good luck and hope it works out that everyone's hurt feelings are healed.

Zazen999

factor29 wrote: »

I wouldnt be happy baby seeing them if they didnt want anything to do with me, but i also dont think i should make anything easy for them - they've not being part of babys life for nearly 18 months.

And it wasnt anything serious we fell out over - they went on and on about the same thing making out i was wasting my life, wasnt educated enough etc etc. I stuck up for myself and was kicked out there house in middle of an argument. Never spoke since.

Ps im the daddy!

So, by their admission that they want to see your child; they must have now changed their minds that you are wasting your life - no?

Personally, I think if they want to see your baby then they see you and face the music. It is totally childish to ask your dad to take the baby almost behind your back. Mainly because:
a - you don't want them to either bad mouth you or even not talk about you in a positive way when you are not there
b - you don't want them doing the same to your little one as they grow up - will not playing with the right toys/talking the right way/eating the right way - have the same effect on them? If they couldn't cope with your life choices then can they cope with the life choices that you are making for your child?

I'd go with CAFCGirl's suggestion, so that they can't behave badly in public...and if they do, then you have your answer.

Counting_Pennies_2

I wouldn't let my baby go to see them. If there is aminosity towards you, how can you be sure there won't be for your baby.

I get rather cross with relatives who think they have a right over babies when they are born.

The baby is your responsibility and they have no rights over it. If they aren't interested in you, I personally would not let them see the baby.

Barneysmom

There's lots of ifs and buts here, it's a hard one....
but they turned their backs on you over an argument that could have been sorted out, what's to say they won't do the same to your bab one day? You need to find out from them?
I wouldn't let them see her without phoning you and seeing you too?