***Sat/Sun 19/20 December weekend chat - 6 more sleeps to go!

sallyx

LouiseJ wrote: »

ITV at 9 o clock.:T

thanks shall look forward to it

Burlesque_Babe

Ames wrote: »

BB, I don't know how to put this diplomatically, and I hope you don't take offence. If you haven't been single since you were 19, do you think that might be part of the problem? That you've become so scared of being single that you'll take anything he throws at you? Maybe you need to be single for a while to find out who you really are and what you want from a relationship? And to see that you can manage alone and so no-one can hold you to ransom emotionally over it all.

well, yes, there's always 2 sides to everything, I agree.

The weird thing is, because of how distant he is - ie never being here during the day, never being here during the day at weekends, always turning up 8pm +, never being interested in stuff I do and not wanting me to be interested in stuff he does (a couple of times I've said 'what have you been up to today and had the reply 'what has it got to do with you' or 'none of your business'). I almost feel single now. I do all the finances, the shopping, I make the decisions on anything house related although I often have to get his 'approval' or I never hear the last of it :rolleyes: so I already feel really independent. I also bizarrely can really clearly see exactly what he is doing to me and all that he has done to me over our relationship and whilst I can't condone any of it, I feel some of it is down to some of the carp he had in his life years ago and the scarring it left. However, as he has his head well and truly stuck in the sand for all matters sexual, emotional and physical (and trust me, I've tried to pull his head out!!!) I can't force him to be someone he isn't and also with the lack of sexual and physical part of the relationship (his choice), it puts even more barriers between us.

I know I would manage - I already do it day to day I guess I'm just scared of the pain it would cause and the loneliness which would follow.

Anyway......enough of my rubbish, sorry:o:o:o......I have a farmville farm to tend :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

sallyx

How about saying to him I think we should have a break for a week or 2. Tell him you need some space to think about many things and just see what his reaction is. It might be enough to make him realise what he is missing. He has his own place, does his own thing majority of the time so its not like he will be missing out on those things. He might realise what he's missing when its not there!

Snaggles

Wonder how Suzy is getting on...clearly not getting much time to post! :T


BB, it's not rubbish, that's what friends are for. One day you will snap and just decide that enough is enough, and you are not going to take any more from him. I hope that time is now, but either way, we wont judge you, and will listen if you need to rant about him.

sallyx

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

the thing is I have this problem with opening my mouth and saying stuff like that I'm now confident enough to bat back what he says to me without sounding !!!!!y or nasty - just assertive, but I haven't got to the stage yet where I can say 'we need a break', I just just can't do it The only reason I was able to do it with my ex was because I met my OH and he originally was the knight in shining armour and gave me a platform to have the confidence to split with my ex. I haven't got that this time so I'm a bit of a wuss

I can understand this totally BB, honestly I can!

LouiseJ

Somebody stop me..............I clicked on the link to the Lakeland sale:eek:

tenmah

BB I know where you are coming from. My bf finished with me at the end of August and I was devastated at the time, particularly by the way he did it, he sent me a text!

However I quickly realised that I didn't really miss him as much as I thought I would, it was more the concern that I was on my own again and not really likely to meet any one again.

I am now friends with my ex and even go round his for tea, and I like it that way - there is no pressure between us, we are just friends.

I think the thought of being on your own is worse than the reality of it.

Burlesque_Babe

LouiseJ wrote: »

Somebody stop me..............I clicked on the link to the Lakeland sale:eek:

I found myself looking at a £20 meat probe in Lakeland earlier

sallyx

runs off to look at lakeland sale!

sallyx

Can I just say " I LOVE GARY" Im sure I was destined to marry him really