How old does a child have to be before they can come home to an empty house do you th

culpepper

It would be good if they have a neighbour (or back up adult) they can go to (or phone) if there is a problem and they cant reach you by phone.
The worry really is , are they sensible enough?
Don't let them bring friends home as you would be responsible if anything happened then even if it wasn't your children who caused the problem.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Queenie has pointed out some worst case scenarios. Why not sit down as a family and do a full risk assessment? The boys will have a different view of things, and also know exactly how they behave with and towards each other when the parents aren't around, and can make a valuable contribution to an assessment of risk.
Dreadful things can happen - at the age of your kids my coz was accidently stabbed by his sister with her nail scissors, unfortunately she hit an artery. Would your boys be able to cope with something like that, when time and a cool head are of the essence?

Alikay

I let my youngest come home to an empty house twice a week from when he started secondary school (age 11and a half). His older brother and sister sometimes were on the same bus or got home 20 mins after him. He was absolutely fine, and I got home 40 mins after him.

However, when I gave up work a few months later he was really pleased that I'd be home and said he 'felt funny' letting himself in and not having anyone to greet him. He particularly didn't like it when it was getting dark at 4.30.

I'd also worried that he and big brother would fight (they wind each other up all the time and the fighting's not always a clean as I'd like!), but they were much better alone than when we're around. We leave them in together now if we have a night out nearby (they're 15 & 12) and they get on very well- it sometimes seems that the squabbling is for our benefit!

Are there plenty of people they can get hold of by phone if there are any of those situations which aren't emergency enough to go to your friend nearby, but when they just need a friendly adult ear, or a little reassurance?

Queenie

Dora_the_Explorer wrote:

Queenie has pointed out some worst case scenarios...

They may appear so, Dora and I respect your point of view, however, I will reiterate ...

Queenie wrote:

I don't want to scare monger, and that certainly isn't my intention, but, I am not unique, nor am I a 'jinxed' individual but the above happened and is real.

Equally, I can state, (from a professional point of view) that the examples I gave were merely personal ones; yet, professionally, I could list many, many more, and far worse scenario's too!! Perhaps it is that which gives me a more 'cautious' (although I accept some may prefer the term, 'cynical') point of view.

inkie

My daughter will be ten next month and is really sensible. However, i just would not feel comfortable about leaving her on her own even for a short space of time - I know that this will have to happen soon, but that time is not yet here. However, I realise what a dilemma it is - I am in the fortunate position that I work flexible hours, and when the kids are on school holidays they come with me.

Sit down with your kids and do a what would you do if.....scenario, to satisfy yourself that they can cope with most things. Obviously there will be unpredictable things, but thats life....Plan ahead and give yourself enough time to educate if needed - what about a first aid course perhaps?

misty

I wouldn't feel happy leaving them alone - because of their ages. Maybe in a couple of years. Could you ask the school if they could reccommend anyone? The nursery my son went to had a collect from school service - not sure what age they went up to but def junior age.

silvercar

leaving kids on their own at that age for half an hour is OK I would say, but I would not be happy leaving them let themselves into a house that has been empty all day.

I think you need to ask around and find either an elderly neighbour or a sixth former who needs some cash.

Rachie_B

my son was 10 in may and now and again comes home to an empty house (2 mins from school)but its only for a short period of time

hes very sensible and also has my mobile number to call should anything be wrong and i call him also
i also leave him sometimes in the day if im taking his younger brother out somewhere he doesnt want to go

again i call him / he calls me , we live in a quiet cul de sac and often he goes into a friends garden to play etc

we all look out for each others children

if we lived in a busy / rough area i wouldnt allow him to be alone ,"just in case"

i guess it depends on what you and OH and the boys are happy with ? also how mature / responsible they are as all kids are different

you could always give it a try and see how things go ???

the suggestion of someone looking after them eg another parent etc is a good one

could you ask neighbours to look in on them or one of the other mums from school ?

Spendless

My neighbour had a similar problem when her son went to secondary school. I had just had my daughter and my son was at nursery PM, she knew I would therefore always be in at the time he came home from school, and asked if in event of emergency he could come to me. Occassionally she needed to ring me to say he had forgotten his door key and could I keep him till she arrived. He is an only child though, so no sibling squabbles to deal with.

Does the school bus drop off near where your daughters childminder is? Could you pay her the equivalent of what you are currently paying at the after-school club. Would this make it worth her while to have the older 2 and you would still be paying the same amount asyou currently are in childcare costs. Would another childminder have them for the same amount as after-school club, even though you would need get the equivalent hours of care.

ETA_ a friend of mine also had a babysitter for her 3 when they were similar ages to yours. It was a yr 11 student, friend knew the girls mum and she sat with them for about an hour till friend came home.

ruthyjo

The childminder who is looking after my daughter does not want to look after the boys. The oldest child she minds is six and she feels my boys won't fit well in her setting (I agree with her).

I have contacted the other three registered childminders in the village, none of whom want to take the boys.

They are going to a prep school which is about twenty miles from our house. The bus is a dedicated one for that school and they are escorted onto it by a member of staff. If they miss the bus they will be taken back into school and school will contact me. I actually work quite near the school if I am in the office, as does my husband, so in that circumstance one of us would go and collect them.

The bus covers quite a wide area. It stops very near our house and I have gone to meet it to way up the situation. It didn't actually stop so I assume no local children are going to the school at the moment. Unfortunately the profile of most of the parents at the school means they are unlikely to want to earn a few extra pounds childminding anyway.

My boys currently go to school in another village about three miles away so I'm lacking in local contacts which might yield a childcarer.

They would have a mobile phone programmed with all the relevant numbers and my daughter's childminder and neighbour guaranteed to be at work five minutes away to call on. They would also have both our work phone nos and people at both my and my husbands work would know the situation and be able to advise them what time we left etc if they ever rung. Also my best friend about ten minutes drive away would usually be around and my parents live about ten miles away.

My daughter's childminder has agreed if no one arrives to pick my daughter up and she hasn't heard from us she will assume an emergency and go and get them from our house, she just doesn't want them three nights a week.

I would probably ring them a couple of times from the car if I was on my way home and they were likely to have got in.

I'd lay down a routine. I thought possibly get a drink and then get on with music practice as that would keep them in separate rooms, but maybe just say that that time could be on ps2 as that is the one thing they never seem to fall out over.

Other hope is that once they start at school they get involved in a lot of after school sport and other clubs. If they are staying later either husband or I can collect them on our way home.

I work flexi time three seven and a half hour days. I usually start work at seven so in theory even with half an hour for lunch I should be able to leave at three every day. However my job isn't really like that - it's more a stay until I've done everything I need to thing e.g. on Weds I got in at seven and left at seven in the evening (I did ring husband to tell him I would be late and he needed to leave work and collect the children though!)

I guess the fact that I'm posting this means I'm not fully comfortable with things so I'll keep looking for a solution - all suggestions gratefuly received!