Brother planning his wedding just weeks after ours

MrsTinks

I'm sorry but to me my weddingday was extreemly important... old fashioned maybe but I only plan on doing it once! I'd have been less than amused if a close friend or sibling had planned theirs a week or two after mine if they'd known about mine for a long time...
I spent a lot of time on making it MY day and I would certainly have no intention of giving ideas to someone if they had planned on putting it that close to mine!
Selfish and petty maybe... but it would be MY day! As they say - it's my party and I'll cry if I want to! :P

Now though I'm MORE than happy to help 2 friends of mine who are getting hitched next year with anything they need So much so I am foolishly making the bridal and MOH arrangements - I'm a sucker! :rotfl:

kettlefish

I am probably going to get flamed for this, but unfortunately with the average lenght of engagement increasing this is bound to happen sometimes. I'm not saying it's nice, and I would have a felt a little put-out myself (although delighted for my brother), but you can't really put a two-year engagement embargo on your family while you save up and prepare .

You have already said that you have spent a lot of time with your parents planning and organising, and that is something your brother can never take away from you. It sounds as though you've really enjoyed the lead up to your wedding, and have had a great time organising it together, so I'm sure everyone will really enjoy the day! To be honest, they'll probably still be talking about your wedding at your brother's! You will have had these 2 years to plan thoughtful touches - you've already said you're making your own invites, which is really adding a personal touch and one thing they won't be able to copy!

I hope this doesn't put a downer on the rest of your preparations at this exciting time - as everybody says "my wedding, my way" and it sounds like your brother has followed this mantra in his date-setting.

shellsuit

robpw2 wrote: »

why dont you try to do a joint wedding instead of competing show some comppassion

Joint wedding?! While the OP and partner have spent months and months, plus plenty of money planning their own?

Compassion? :rotfl::rotfl:

You really have no idea do you?




OP, it would bug me, but it's not all bad ~ they could have got married a few weeks before your wedding, now that would be bad!

Don't enter conversation about your wedding with them, you have done your planning and research and you shouldn't have to help them ~ let them do all the hard work for their day.

Oldernotwiser

ckerrd wrote: »

(No idea why you brought religion or children into the debate)

Well religion and children do have a habit of coming into things when marriage is being discussed!

shellsuit

pelirocco wrote: »

A wedding is just a day , you shouldnt be planning for the ''perfect'' day you should be planning a good life together . The day will be gone in a blink of an eye . Tbh i would have thought if he was trying to 'upstage' you he would have had his wedding first .

God help you when you both start having children

Exactly, which is why people plan it to be a perfect day!

And a wedding isn't 'just a day', not to most I'm assuming. It should be one of the happiest days in someone's life, that's why so much planning and cost goes into it.

kaya

Mr_squishy wrote: »

Hi this is just a bit of a vent and to gauge opinion o our situation.

I proposed to my fianc!e in June 2008 and picked a date of June 2010 near to the date of my proposal for our wedding.
We have spent the last 18 months saving and planning for our perfect day.

This weekend my brother has just announced his engagement and revelled that they plan to get married just weeks after ours possibly days after us returning from our honeymoon.

This has upset both me and my OH (she spent most of Sunday evening in tears) and we feel that he has done it out of jealousy. (He has always been jealous of us as we have been together long than him and his Gf, and in the past has made no attempt to hide it) My parents have been spending a lot of time helping me and OH in the planning and preparation, but now they are going to have to help him as well.

My brother and my parents have also requested that we help to plan their wedding as we have the "experience", despite the fact that we are doing all the stationary for our own wedding and have no spare time at the moment as we are currently getting our invites ready to send out.

They also earn more than us so it is likely that they will "out do" our wedding. Not really a problem in its self but with it being close to ours feels to us he will trying to show off.

Do you think we are being unreasonable? Several people at work whom we have mentioned this too think we are overreacting and we should just be happy for them.

Rant Over

Grow up and start acting your age before the green eyed monster consumes you entirely

Little_Vics

We were in a similar situation, although from your brother's perspective. We snuck in 6 months before my brother - with their permission - and had a very grown up chat about what we both wanted in terms of music, dresses, venues etc so to be sure not to copy. We were very flexible, and both weddings were very very different indeed. I think that the mother of the bride will have a LOT to say on the marriage of her daughter, so surely she should be included in the planning rather than you?

ckerrd

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Well religion and children do have a habit of coming into things when marriage is being discussed!

Ah well fair enough. (not that it has anything to do with the topic at hand - such is the MSE way)

sparklylime

I understand why you might be a bit miffed about this but its just one of those things.

OH finally proposed to me this September after 7 years together. He said he has been wanting to propose for the last 3 years but during this time many of our close family and friends have got engaged then married and/or had children and he didn't wan't them to feel like we were 'stealing their thunder' by getting engaged at an important time in their life.

Eventually though he just realised that if we wait for all our friends and family to stop getting married and having children then we might be waiting forever. So I guess sometimes you just have to go for what you want and if someone else is put out by this then tough.

frannyann

I can understand the OP being a bit 'miffed' as it appears to be on-going sibling battles at work. It does seem insensitive that the brother is planning his wedding only a few weeks after the OP, would it have been so awful for him to have made it a few months later? The important thing, it for the OP to stop looking at his brother as his rival, as he has done all his life, and see him as an adult. Then see that his brother is not behaving as a adult and then rise above it and enjoy his own wedding.

My sister found out she was pregnant before my (first ) wedding, but kept it quiet and told us the following day over breakfast, which I thought was lovely and meant it was still 'our' day. Likewise I discovered I was pregnant, about three weeks before BIL first child was due, managed to keep it quiet (even though MIL had noticed I'd 'put a bit of weight on' told her I was 'content thats all' ) We waited until their baby was born and then told the family a few weeks after that. My BIL was really touched by our 'thoughtfulness' Its all about respecting the other person's 'special' day what ever that day is.