Brother planning his wedding just weeks after ours

Mr_squishy

Hi this is just a bit of a vent and to gauge opinion o our situation.

I proposed to my fianc!e in June 2008 and picked a date of June 2010 near to the date of my proposal for our wedding.
We have spent the last 18 months saving and planning for our perfect day.

This weekend my brother has just announced his engagement and revelled that they plan to get married just weeks after ours possibly days after us returning from our honeymoon.

This has upset both me and my OH (she spent most of Sunday evening in tears) and we feel that he has done it out of jealousy. (He has always been jealous of us as we have been together long than him and his Gf, and in the past has made no attempt to hide it) My parents have been spending a lot of time helping me and OH in the planning and preparation, but now they are going to have to help him as well.

My brother and my parents have also requested that we help to plan their wedding as we have the "experience", despite the fact that we are doing all the stationary for our own wedding and have no spare time at the moment as we are currently getting our invites ready to send out.

They also earn more than us so it is likely that they will "out do" our wedding. Not really a problem in its self but with it being close to ours feels to us he will trying to show off.

Do you think we are being unreasonable? Several people at work whom we have mentioned this too think we are overreacting and we should just be happy for them.

Rant Over

White_Panther

I wouldn't tell him any of your plans if I were you, he'll only try to copy them but on a bigger scale or elaborate on it even more. If he asks what you're thinking to make it a special day, make something up like a crap themed wedding.

not_tonight_josephine_2

I can understand why you're upset, but I do think you're overreacting TBH. It sounds like it's you who is thinking of it as a potential competition, I'm sure no-one else is - what matters is that you have the wedding you want and YOU both enjoy it, forget about whether people think your brother's is "better".

The asking you to help out with your experience - I don't know your brother but to me this comes across as him trying to involve you in a nice way?

Realistically, what do you want them to do? Postpone until next summer? If they want to get married this year I don't think you can reasonably expect them to put it off.

paulies_nixie

My sister did this to me.
We got engaged and it was a huge thing for us cos of our health and the situation and we dont have much cash.

She started seeing a bloke for a couple of weeks and told me she was getting married before ours, with more than twice the budget. She'd picked her dress and it was one of the ones I liked in the more conventional style, I was deciding if I wanted conventional or 'wacky' (several thousand worth of dress)- my wedding isnt conventional

She told me she was having a £3k engagent ring. And lo and behold it was just like mine but BIGGER.
Bigger wedding, simialr dress, same ring and can I help her?
I dont get to be the center of attention often and everyone was so happy for us. I dont know what was up with her but she came straight out and out did me.
It was like - Oh yes SHE's getting married, yeah Nixie's also getting married. I was so hurt I totally know how you feel. I cried. I felt betrayed. I went from the star attraction to an also ran. I know it sounds petty but it was my big day and then it got deflated.
she was pinching most of my conventional ideas.
She was on to me about it all the time. She'd bought him a ring, couldnt believe paulie didnt have an engagement ring blah blah blah.

I was happy for her. I really was, but I was terribly hurt. And speaking to her she knew she'd done it.

I felt like the wicked b1tch of the west when they split up. I was worried about her, concerned, I do love her but part of me was happy.
That probably makes me a really shallow person.

I dunno if knowing your not the only ones to feel like that helps - but it happened to me. There are so many feelings you just cant seem to wedge them in. You know you should be happy for them. And it's like its silly to be upset.. I mean it's great they're getting married too. But heck if it dont hurt like a sledgehammer

Big huge hugs!!!!

Nixie

robpw2

why dont you try to do a joint wedding instead of competing show some comppassion

talulahbeige_2

I feel guilty for saying it but I think you are being unreasonable.

They havent chosen the same weekend as you so what's the issue?
If you feel that they will steal your ideas then dont tell them, make yours as unique as possible, people remember a different wedding much more than one that has had money thrown at it.
Also if you don't have time to help him then tell him so.

ckerrd

You organise your wedding and let him get on with his.

I can see why you are put out by this and it is perfectly reasonable for you to be spending all your time and energy on your own wedding without having to think of someone else's.

It is your wedding - you can be as reasonable or unreasonable as you see fit.

ceebeeby

I think he's being a bit of a g1t to be honest!! And yes, it's a spoiler.

No one in their right mind would organise 2 family weddings, with similar guests just days apart unless there was a very compelling reason.

Not wanting to cause a family row, but I'd be telling him this and how I felt before it's too late for him to change his date.

Zazen999

Mr_squishy wrote: »

My brother and my parents have also requested that we help to plan their wedding as we have the "experience", despite the fact that we are doing all the stationary for our own wedding and have no spare time at the moment as we are currently getting our invites ready to send out.

'No can do ma and pops; I've got my own wedding to plan [as if you didn't know, thanks for asking though ]'.

Then just fling them complete out and out leftfield wedding plans and don't tell them anything that you are planning; as you wouldn't want to influence them or spoil THEIR big day would you :rolleyes:

Get as many cheesy ideas as you can and you and your OH just drop them into conversations, make it like cheesy wedding bingo and see who can tick more off first.

pelirocco

A wedding is just a day , you shouldnt be planning for the ''perfect'' day you should be planning a good life together . The day will be gone in a blink of an eye . Tbh i would have thought if he was trying to 'upstage' you he would have had his wedding first .

God help you when you both start having children

ckerrd

pelirocco wrote: »

A wedding is just a day , you shouldnt be planning for the ''perfect'' day you should be planning a good life together . The day will be gone in a blink of an eye . Tbh i would have thought if he was trying to 'upstage' you he would have had his wedding first .

God help you when you both start having children

To some people the wedding day is very important indeed and many people put a lot of planning, effort and their heart and soul into it. (For others it is no more than "just a day" as you say)

The OP appears to have been working hard towards creating a memorable event for all those involved and feels that the "specialness" of the day is to be diluted. If the OP wants to concentrate all their efforts on their day I see nothing wrong with that.

(No idea why you brought religion or children into the debate)