Brother planning his wedding just weeks after ours

Mr_squishy

Hi again.

We have no problem with with them getting engaged, in fact we are delighted, its just we are a bit upset over the date. As I mentioned in my first post the date of our wedding was chosen to be as close to the the day I propsed as possible, but he has just picked their date out of the air.

Yes it would be even worse if they had decided to have it before us and maybe they chose not to, to allow us to have our day, but as someone else said, it wouldn't hurt them to pick a date a bit further away.

Unfortunatly he is one of my ushers, and already knows everything we have planned for our wedding so there is nothing we can hide from him, or give false info.

shellsuit

Mr_squishy wrote: »

Hi again.

We have no problem with with them getting engaged, in fact we are delighted, its just we are a bit upset over the date. As I mentioned in my first post the date of our wedding was chosen to be as close to the the day I propsed as possible, but he has just picked their date out of the air.

Yes it would be even worse if they had decided to have it before us and maybe they chose not to, to allow us to have our day, but as someone else said, it wouldn't hurt them to pick a date a bit further away.

Unfortunatly he is one of my ushers, and already knows everything we have planned for our wedding so there is nothing we can hide from him, or give false info.

Well look at it this way, if they do copy anything, then the guests who will be at both, will know they have copied, so nothing will look bad on your part!

I wouldn't worry about it, just enjoy your day!

morwenna

shellsuit wrote: »

Well look at it this way, if they do copy anything, then the guests who will be at both, will know they have copied, so nothing will look bad on your part!

I wouldn't worry about it, just enjoy your day!

I wholeheartedly agree! Your wedding will always be special in the hearts of the two people it most closely concerns - you and your fiancee. This is because you have both decided how you want to celebrate the most important day in your (joint) lives together so far. So if they copy, how does that detract from that?

I wish you all, all the happiness in the world

honeypop

Mr_squishy wrote: »

Yes it would be even worse if they had decided to have it before us and maybe they chose not to, to allow us to have our day, but as someone else said, it wouldn't hurt them to pick a date a bit further away.

Unfortunatly he is one of my ushers, and already knows everything we have planned for our wedding so there is nothing we can hide from him, or give false info.

My brother was engaged and spent 2 years planning their wedding for last August, my OH proposed in the Jan and we wanted to get married asap, no waiting and excessive planning as we were in a position financially to go ahead whenever we wanted, but we didn't want to 'jump in' before my brothers wedding so we arranged it for after theirs. The date that was convenient for us was 6 weeks after his wedding. They never said they were bothered but people kept asking us why we planned it so close, but how long is 'acceptable' to wait after a close family wedding before going ahead with your own?

We could have waited longer but someone else could have arranged their special event in the meantime anyway.

With regards to copying and out-doing, we never asked them the finer details of what they were having, so whatever we planned was what we wanted regardless of if they were also having something the same. We couldn't have copied our outshone simply because we didn't know what they were having or doing and the same goes for them with ours. There were some things that we had similar, but then there are only so many ideas for weddings so some bits were bound to be similar. Lots of the same people were at both weddings, no-one thought we had 'copied' anything because we are all grown-ups not children.

He was our usher and I was their bridesmaid still, worked out fine. We both discussed our weddings with each other in general, it would have been petty not to, and of course we wanted to talk about what was going to be very important days in our lives.

I think it would have been no use for you to give false info about the details or hide anything, he may be wanting to know to avoid doing the same thing intead of 'copying' you, so it's better he knows what you are having so they don't do the same where possible.

Yes they may have wanted it before your wedding but are holding off until after your date, so how long do you think they should have kept waiting?

Caroline73_2

I got pregnant a month after my sister but decided to upstage her by giving birth early. My son was born 14 hours before my nephew. [insert evil laugh here]

Seriously though, I can understand you feeling a bit miffed but that's all you should feel. Anything more than a bit miffed is pointless, wasted energy. Enjoy your wedding, say that you are too busy organising yours to help.

If you feel that they are trying to upstage you then just consider how sad they really are and feel smug and mature!

kelda_shelton

I'm getting married on 28 December, which is exactly 11 weeks after my sisters Greek Wedding.

(She got married on Monday 12 October in Kos, with 30 ppl there, with the whole ceremony, sit down meal and reception and then she had a big religious blessing/sit down meal for 90/evening reception for 140 on the Saturday at home....I thought this was a bit excessive given she's akready done it in greece, and this was her second wedding and her hubby's third and they're both unfortunately out of work at the moment, but each to their own!)

She had planned this for about 18 months to 2 years.. and I only got engaged in January. But I wanted a festive wedding and didn't want to have loads of hassle or waiting... I'm also having a much smaller day time wedding.. I wanted a more intimate affair.

I agree.. if he had done it before i would have been more annoyed but at the end of the day your wedding is what YOU make it, so stop worrying about his and concentrate on yours which I'm sure will be a fab day. I do see why you'd be miffed about being asked to help.. I'd keep the help to advice and just leave it at that - as you say you have enough to do!

Dinah93

Honestly, yes I think you're being ridiculous. You chose to have a long engagement, I know when we got engaged we wanted to get married as soon as was feesable. For money reasons and because my fiance's whole family are in Ireland or America and need notice to travel over we've gone for the first Friday back after school holidays, since flights are a lot more in the holidays.

But I think your brother has been very thoughtful for the most part. You don't have a monopoly on who can have a wedding, they love one another, be happy for them! 11 months is actually the average engagement, so they're about on that. They are having it after yours not before, after you come back from honeymoon so you dont have to consider altering your plans, and if anything theirs is going to be a bit samey straight after yours. I reakon if their budget is so good they could have had it sooner, but waited out of respect to you.

Yes its an important day, but the important thing is that you are commiting your life to one another, it doesn't matter about anything else so long as the two of you and the vicar/rgistrar makes it, because at the end of the day you know you're married to your soulmate.

Stephb1986_2

I see where the OP is coming from I'd be rather miffed if the same was to happen to me. I think the main fear that the OP is showing is that his brother's wedding is going to be better than his own. I think that you should forget about his wedding and get on with your own love because at the end of the day its a special day about you and your fiancee not about who's wedding is better than who's it's what the meaning is that counts. Big deal if your brother has more money to spend than you do might not make him happier or their marrige last longer than yours.

Steph xx