Restorative Justice - is it an excuse for the school not to deal with bullies?

mum.s

Just thought I would quickly explain logging sheets, I was in work when I put the message on. The logging sheet works for the children being bullied, they report the incident to the teacher, the sheet is sent to the Head and the Bullies then go to the head to explain why they did this (my friend said the teachers KNOW who is bullying) the bullies then go on a report card earning a red spot for bullying in the class or a green spot for being good and kind, the logging continues by the teacher and is reviewed on a weekly basis, all parents are informed of what is happening and are invited to come in to see the Head to discuss and to ensure that this behaviour does not continue..

tandraig

just came across this thread - wanted to add my support hun. Not going to go into detail as many people on here will have seen on other threads that my son was badly bullied.
I think you are dealing with it just right! you have researched it and are armed with the facts! also you are very clear on what you want!
most importantly - you informed the police of the assaults on your daughter! I didnt do this until DSs nose was broken and his ribs bruised. but i have to say - the police were excellent - and took me and my son very seriously. which is more than his school did! the boys involved narrowly escaped presecution but did get cautioned.
looking forward to reading your update later!!! good on you hun - you are taking the right action in the right way just now.

Kazipoo

Ok, so there I was.... hubby managed to make it back in time to come with.... armed with all my paperwork, research and a letter to the school, and well, it all went out of the window!!!!

Immediately as we arrived, instead of getting the feeling of being appeased, the school actually seemed like they were doing something. The reason they had not seemed to be doing anything to this point was they had been interviewing witnesses and gathering information. They are very aware of the first bully, and have measures in place, which I sort of knew. But apparently the second girl's behaviour came as a complete shock to them, and because of this, they felt they had to investigate the matter thoroughly before involving her parents, or imposing punishments. I can't remember whether I mentioned it before, but the girl involved is the child of a teacher herself, and although she doesn't teach at that school, she is well known by the staff there and apparently well respected.... she teaches advanced children out of school hours in a local centre, and in fact, taught my next oldest daughter just the other year, a fact that I did not become aware of until Thursday last.

Anyway, I told them that I thought their bullying policy was inadequate, and they told me that they have to approach each child and each case differently and that is why there is no detail in the policy, but they do have certain sanctions that they follow, and they apologised for not keeping me informed, as I pointed out that this in itself made me feel like they were not taking this very seriously at all.

I went through each of my points, without actually taking the sheet of paper out of my bag.... I didn't think it was necessary to produce reams of stats since they had already apologised and didn't seem to be pushing the restorative justice angle. They told me that children are sanctioned immediately, they miss breaks and lunches, instead having to spend them indoors working, and are excluded from day trips and residentials.

I explained that I didn't think the school should try to push the friendship angle, because the girls had never been friends prior to this.... civility is a different matter though. We discussed the reasons why the second bully may be acting in this manner and the head assured me that they will be working very closely with the mother of the bully to assure that the chances of this happening again are minimal. They agreed that my daughter had done nothing to warrant the attack, but it was suggested that perhaps the bully was jealous of my daughter because they are both friends with two other girls, but not with each other.

I informed the school that I had spoken to police regarding the matter and that if the outcome was not satisfactory, I would not hesitate to pursue the matter further and they told me that they regularly hold assemblies informing the children that they can be held accountable for their actions and arrested from the age of ten. They mentioned that perhaps inviting the community constable to attend the class and give a talk, might do the trick.

So, the second girls parents have now been informed. The school will be imposing further sanctions and they have assured me that if there are any further incidents they will be dealt with appropriately, including suspension and expulsion if that is necessary, although they are confident that this physical abuse will now end. We have decided to keep in touch on a weekly basis, and the school will inform me, or I will inform them, if there are any further incidents.

I feel like the meeting went well on the one hand, but on the other I feel like they could have just said what I wanted to hear, however, I will give them the chance to address the problem, as I have said all along, but I feel more confident after the meeting that perhaps this could be over.

I will keep my fingers crossed and my breath held!

tiamai_d

Well at least they do seem to be doing something. If nothing else, I have copied down your points for the next time there is an 'incident' at DS1's school that I'm not told about.

What angers me the most about bullying in schools is that they usually come out with 'oh but little Bully-Brat is having such a hard time, Mum and Dad have split up/theres a new baby/their favourite xbox game got scratched and are just acting out'. So Bullies have an excuse for bullying do they? We are the excuse generation and if your mum and dad split up, you can do what you want and use the broken home card.

tandraig

Kazipoo - well done. I would give the school a chance but keep a very close eye on the situation. it does sound though as if they ARE taking it seriously and hope it all works out well in the future for your daughter and yourselves.

yummymummy79

Just a quick note to say I think you're dealing with it very well and more 'by the book' than perhaps a lot of us other parents would be. I haven't really come across this situation (yet) with my DS, but I know that if it was happening to him, his dad's answer would be to hit him back! I would be slightly more diplomatic and try some of the more 'standard' approaches first, but if that didn't seem to be doing anything I would get him to say to the teacher 'if he/she does it again, I'm going to retaliate'. I only experienced mild bullying at school and never actually told anyone, but know that if I'd stood up for myself, it would have been over a lot quicker.

milliebear00001

My approach to bullies (I teach Year 5) is to immediately warn and then consistently impose harsh sanctions. It is not always a popular approach (among other teachers) but I find it is the most effective. I obviously do this alongside the anti-bullying teaching that goes on in all schools' PSHCE lessons.

On any report, I talk to the bully and spell out in the clearest terms that they will be watched closely and ALL intimidating behaviour will be immediately punished - I make it clear this includes 'non-verbal' stuff like isolating children/leaving them out etc. That is their warning. If there is any hint of a recurrence, the bully is immediately sanctioned by a missed playtime (thus removing them from the situation where bullying is most likely to take place). This happens EVERY time there is a recurrence Often this involves me hearing about an incident and bringing in the child during the same play period/lunchbreak.

I do not rely on the bullied child to tell me what's going on (often they won't). I will patrol at lunch/break, invoke other staff on playtime duty and lunch supervisors to 'keep and eye out' - children are often very shocked that I know so much about what they are doing even when they have intimidated their victim into not 'telling'.

I find, swift, consistent, sanctions work far more quickly and effectively than 'talking'. Where they don't work in terms of improving behaviour, I think it is at least better they are unable to bully at playtime/lunchtime.

I never make the bullied child talk to their bully unless they want to.

kelloggs36

If you don't get any joy, contact OFSTED as feeling safe is one of the top priorities on their list!

tandraig

milliebear00001 wrote: »

My approach to bullies (I teach Year 5) is to immediately warn and then consistently impose harsh sanctions. It is not always a popular approach (among other teachers) but I find it is the most effective. I obviously do this alongside the anti-bullying teaching that goes on in all schools' PSHCE lessons.

On any report, I talk to the bully and spell out in the clearest terms that they will be watched closely and ALL intimidating behaviour will be immediately punished - I make it clear this includes 'non-verbal' stuff like isolating children/leaving them out etc. That is their warning. If there is any hint of a recurrence, the bully is immediately sanctioned by a missed playtime (thus removing them from the situation where bullying is most likely to take place). This happens EVERY time there is a recurrence Often this involves me hearing about an incident and bringing in the child during the same play period/lunchbreak.

I do not rely on the bullied child to tell me what's going on (often they won't). I will patrol at lunch/break, invoke other staff on playtime duty and lunch supervisors to 'keep and eye out' - children are often very shocked that I know so much about what they are doing even when they have intimidated their victim into not 'telling'.

I find, swift, consistent, sanctions work far more quickly and effectively than 'talking'. Where they don't work in terms of improving behaviour, I think it is at least better they are unable to bully at playtime/lunchtime.

I never make the bullied child talk to their bully unless they want to.

milliebear - I only wish YOU had taught at my sons school - if more teachers took this approach then bullying wouldnt be such a problem:A

Kazipoo

Thanks for all the support and kind words today, it really meant a lot. I do feel like the meeting was something of an anti-climax, maybe I was too ready for the fight?? Anyway, husband is not so willing to trust them, but after "the look" from me, is willing to give them one more chance and only one chance lol.