Is there such a thing as a quarter life crisis?

lady_fuschia

Who said chatting about debts couldn't lead to deep and meaningful thoughts?!

A couple of recent threads got me on this train of thought. It seems like a lot of people first start struggling with debt (either getting into it, or needing to get out of it) in their early to mid-twenties- only clearly a lot of the people here are quite a bit older than that, I'm wondering whether the 19-25 interim is the make or break period when it comes to money troubles (or not, as the case may be...)

At 25 I do feel like it can be quite confusing being a young adult- a lot of conflicting advice: half the world is telling you "You're young, you need to get out and enjoy yourself whilst you still can.", people who tell you to go to uni, go out as much as you can, to travel the world and do all those exciting things we associate with being young- "Don't waste your youth, you won't get another chance." kind of thing- of course, all that costs money, and having only been in work for around 5 years at the absolute most (assuming you didn't go on to Higher Ed.)its unlikely that's something most early twenty-somethings have a lot of. Those who embrace the advice end up like my college friend who jetted off around the world for a year straight after uni- came back several grand in debt and had to sign on at the jobcentre the week she got back. Still she did have a once in a lifetime experience, and has wonderful stories to tell.

Then there's the other half of the world: the half that's telling you you need to start a pension at sixteen (hey, can I get a job first!?) or you'll end up on the breadline, you need to avoid debt like the plague, start working up to the highest paid job you can, get yourself on the property ladder as soon as possible, grow up, take responsibility and be sensible, and not to waste money.

I don't see how the two can go together at all!

So I wondered how the DFW's on here feel about it- perhaps some of the more mature (in the nicest possible sense!) users are in debt now because of extravagances in their twenties. If you knew then that you'd be so much in debt now, would you still have done it all? If you went travelling, to uni, or just did a lot of partying, do you regret it? Or maybe you were too sensible and regret that?!

I'm having a bit of an existential crisis here- I don't know which is best- to throw caution to the wind now, in case I don't get another chance, but risk more debt? Or to pay it off, lead a sensible life and start saving up a deposit on my own house? If I have kids which will I regret more: not doing more with my youth and freedom, or not saving the money to support them? Argh!

Anyway, apologies for rambling- I understand if nobody got this far!!!

LF

lynzpower

I know exactly what you mean.

Ive got into so much debt from uni and housebuying ( plus the usual bits of overspending) that I cant wait to be older and more secure.

I think its difficult cos one half of me wants to be fun & carefree, the other part of me desperate for a large nest egg.

I certainly regret going to uni, what a waste of money.

I dont think i count as mature though, in only 28

summerday

I've just turned 26, and can really understand what you mean, have had all the conflicting advice and it makes it so hard to know what to do for the best. I have been to uni and have got thousands in student loans left to repay, and in September I will be doing a vocational post grad course for a further year so will add even more student loans to the balance. However, even though I was silly with money at uni and spent far too much, my only saving grace is that all through the 3 years of my degree I worked at least 20 hours a week in part time job and in summer holiday more like 50 hours, so although I used my overdraft I luckily didn't use credit cards or bank loans etc.

I knew some people who backpacked around the world in their gap years and spent a bomb but had an amazing time, lots of them used credit cards to part fund it. I really wanted to see other countries and learn languages etc, but I was content with going to be an au pair in Italy for 7 months, where I had a brilliant time and even came back with a little money and some language skills. In the summer uni holidays I went to Turkey to take part in a workcamp which was great fun and experience but didn't cost much.

Over the past few years I have learned a lot about personal finance and although I love to go on holidays and travel still, I have settled down a lot and 2 years ago I bought a house jointly with partner, and have been paying into a pension, and as I knew I wanted to go back to study I have been saving hard to ensure I don't have to take out any debt apart from the student loan in September, and as its a very pressured course I have saved enough so I won't have to work a part time job either.

It's hard getting the balance right, but in my late teens/early 20s I found it hard to think of the future as it seemed so far away, but now I do plan for it.

I'll be interested to read of other peoples experiences/opinions.

mehefin

Sorry girls but there is no easy answer. Our debt problems probably started in our 40s ( mature in some ways!!) but mostly as a result of a house move, a long period of hospital visiting when MIL was in intensive care for what seemed like months and getting takeaway meals etc when we managed to get out of the hospital and so on. I think many people live up to what money they have got - pay rise ! means more to spend not throw at debt.

Desperately trying to get Oh to realise the extent of our debt - which is not that great by some standards , but worries me sufficiently to have done quite a lot about it thanks to this site.
As younger people we had a good lifestyle - we still do, but kids and other responsibilities are a definite drain in our monies, particularly animals! However Lady Fuscia you have to take a balanced view. We had kids late in life and are 'suffering' now as older parents. Its odd being the oldest Dad at parents meetings etc and I definitely won't enter the Dads race at 52 - most of the others are the children of my peer group!! Our early life as a couple was ok - we consciously decided to wait - we couldnt afford to when we were first married - the interest rates were in the teens and it was a real struggle to make ends meet - unfortunately we did nt continue the frugal lifestyle when finances were better. Sure plenty of others can tell a similar tale.
Will chew this over a bit and post again later maybe.

ms_london

Hi!! Definately do think that there is such a thing as a "Quarter Life Crisis". At 25, I think I might have had mine, hence the reason why I am going travelling!!

I think its about striking a balance, you can still have fun but be sensible with your money.

I got into debt just through sheer overspending, going out a lot, clothes, holidays etc - although it was stupid of me, I dont regret it, as being in debt has made me the person I am today & perhaps if I hadnt have got into debt, I wouldnt have worked a summer in Spain (trying to escape the debt), I wouldnt be living in London and perhaps I wouldnt be going travelling....

I do believe that you are only young once & you should do the things while you can. I'm young (?), free, and single, so now is the best time to go travelling for me, it feels right & I dont have anything holding me back. My younger brother is settled with his girlfriend, mortgage & they are due to have a baby in Sep (which I'll miss out on ), but I dont feel under any pressure to do the same. I'll settle down when I'm good and ready - and I think my parents know that.

I do want to get on the property ladder, but I have plenty of time to do that, the same as I have plenty of time to find the career I want - I dont want to have to work to live, so somewhere along the line I'll have to be sensible with my cash & wont be able to spend it willy nilly, but right now I want to see some of the world while I can. Although saying that, I WONT be coming back with debt, nor will I be moving back in with my parents. I'll be saving some money for when I get back for a deposit on a flat, I dont want to have to start from scratch thats for sure & undo all my hard work.

And breathe...

:rolleyes: xx

ceegee

I think the very fact that you are asking if a quarter-life crisis is possible says so much about the pressure that is put on young people these days. I think it also shows, by your questioning of it, that you have a good and sensible head on your shoulders

Excuse the ramblings of a middle aged woman. But please make use of my hindsight if it is any good!

Balance is what is required, I think. Looking back from the ripe old age of 50, it is when you are young that you have the most flexibility. I think it is important to be sensible with your money. Yes, you want a good time but presumably you also want to start buying your own place. Budget wisely.

You can have a good time without it costing the Earth. You don't have to travel all around the world. You don't have to go to Uni and run up student debts. In fact, I have heard so much about people who have had their "gap years" and then studied and studied until they are in their mid 20s and can't get jobs because they have no experience. How great is that when you also have student debts hanging around you neck. How can you even contemplate buying your own place when you are in debt and can't find a job? I feel that Uni is overrated unless you are intending spending your working life in medicine, law or suchlike.

Please don't be taken in by all the hype about "you must have this and you mustdo that". I think a lot of that comes from people who are trying to justify what they themselves have done.You can have an enjoyable, satisfying and rewarding time without it costing the Earth.

All the best to you, in whatever you decide to do.

dinkylou

I too can relate to this lady_fushia.

I'm 25 now and went to uni. I dont regret it at all as it was the best time of my life but I just wish that I had had a better plan before I went. Then I would have worked in my spare time more and spent less on shopping etc. That way I would have been able to use my summer break better to do some more travelling.

Now, I have a good job and bought a house a few years ago as somewhere to live (glad that I did considering house prices now) But now I feel kind of trapped.

I'm not ready mentally to settle down and really want to travel more. I know that I am in very fortunate situation compared to some people on here and so I appreciate all the good things I do have.

But then theres the debt. I feel trapped by it and my life choices by it.

Friends go off and travel and am dying to join them but the little angel on my shoulder tells me I can't and that I must be patient.

My fear is that by the time I am free to go I wont want to anymore as I'll be over 30. Will I have spent my 'freedom years' scrimping to pay off debt and then settle down to have a family and never get the chance to 'fly away'?

I know that I am very fortunate compared to many and I should be very grateful for the fact that I will be debt free by 30 but it does worry me alot.

I guess a balance is needed and a new perspective that 'freedom' doesnt have to end in my 30's.

lady_fuschia

Wow, look at this people:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,13809-1101541,00.html

I guess it does exist...

FulLightBulb

Yes, I agree with you too!

I'm 27 and have just realised that I can't continue the way I do - there are so many things I want to do and being debt free would make those into reality.

Mirtos

mehefin wrote:

We had kids late in life and are 'suffering' now as older parents. Its odd being the oldest Dad at parents meetings etc and I definitely won't enter the Dads race at 52 - most of the others are the children of my peer group!! Our early life as a couple was ok - we consciously decided to wait - we couldnt afford to when we were first married - the interest rates were in the teens and it was a real struggle to make ends meet - unfortunately we did nt continue the frugal lifestyle when finances were better. Sure plenty of others can tell a similar tale.
Will chew this over a bit and post again later maybe.

I just wanted to say that my parents didn't have me until they were 41, although I have 4 older sisters - i was a total accident, and I have benefitted so much from that.
Because mum and dad were older thay had more patience, a bit more money, and genuinely liked having me. I am so glad my parents were older - I have more educational qualifications, life experience and IQ than any of my sisters, I'm happier, have better relationships and more self esteem (in case you couldn't tell!!!) simply because my parents were better parents as they got older - I just thought someone should tell you that this'll be how your kids feel - bloody grateful like me!
just thought knowing that might make you feel better about the struggles of being an older parent!

PS - I'm not in ANY WAY criticising young parents, so don't tell me off(!!!) I just know that it's hard for older mums and dads and thought a bit of cheerleading wouldn't go amiss!

Dr.Lou

Certainly feel that there is a lot of pressure on say the 20-30 year old generation. I'll be thirty in the autumn, and still feel pressure to do this, do that and live a certain type of lifestyle.

I think there has got to be a balance in life between fun and serious stuff, I guess people should just make their own way in life and not let anyone else sway them.

Here my story, sorry it’s so long:
When my OH and I graduated we were 'lucky' enough to leave Uni with 7K of student loans and 2-3K ish of overdrafts between us, then we both got jobs (I hated mine though!) and paid the overdrafts off fairly quickly and paid the Student Loan co at the rate they ask for until March last year when it was finally paid off.

Managed to get a bit of savings together by living with our respective parents for a year and used the money to buy a fairly modest house with a mortgage based on one wage only (mind you this was in 1999).

Still continued to save as we were living in our new house, just watching the pennies etc, but enjoying ourselves too, going on nice hols to Oz, Far east, Europe etc.

Then my dad died very suddenly, this made me reassess my life and realised although I was earning a decent wage for my age and level of experience etc, I was fairly miserable by working all hours and felt like I had sold my soul to the devil. I left my job and got a (industrial research) PhD studentship which paid me half what I was earning but I was far happier as I was more in control of my life and doing something which was very fulfilling (for me anyway).

Made more of a conscious effort to save cash between us during my PhD, got married during this time (MSE style obviously), anyway passed the PhD last year and it seems that the only job that is here and I am 'suited' to is with the company I left, which I do not wish to return to as it made me so miserable.

Presently our savings are about 1K short of paying our house totally off, we aim to get there by the time I am 30, and my husband earns enough to keep us fairly comfortable. I know I am so, so lucky in many ways, but also feel like a total failure as my career seems to be down the pan. I feel huge, huge pressure to have a fantastic career, have all the trappings of wealth that it brings, but not sure which way to turn anymore for the best. Sorry for my rantings, but just had to agree with your quarter life crisis theory!