unwritten law!!!!!!

pusscat

We have the same situation:

We operate the situation that you want to - but it worked that way long before my Dad and his wife married.

I happen to agree with your sentiments about present buying, as it seems the majority of the posters on this thread do - BUT what we think does not matter - it is what you husband and his daughters think that matters.

My advice would be to leave well alone.....your husband does not want it, I presume his daughters will not want it, you will end up isolated and being the "wicked step mother" as you try to force through changes that will disadvantage your step daughters, but not your own kids - it can only go one way, badly.
(I fully appreciate that this may not be your intention, but that is the way it will appear!)

If you cannot afford the current situation then reduce the amount spent on everyone equally - that way you are fair to all. Part of creating a sucessful blended family is not stirring up unecessary difficulties - there are far less confrontational ways of saving money.

Just my thoughts - not trying to offend - sorry!

Puss

claireac

This year dh and I will be doing it slightly differently to usual!

Once the kids are older we don't believe they should get so much, as it's all about the kids. We also have our first grandchild this year too!! :j
So....

My ds1 and his gf - hopefully a joint pressie. If not £20-30 each. Plus a nice big present for their daughter (5mths).

Similar for ds2 and his gf although they don't have any little ones.

Dh's dd (11) - around £150 ish.

Our dd aged 3 - not sure how much, she has a huge list! Plus she wants a DSi, and so do I, so we're getting that as a family present.

Also my parents and sister, dh's parents, 1 niece and 4 nephews - around £20ish each.

Dh's 4 brothers and 1 sister - we get token presents. This year I'm thinking champagne and chocs.

jcr16

my hubby and i are very lucky as we still get the same spent on us by his parents and family as we did before we had children. and tbh although i love it, if they chose to only buy for all their grand children and a token pressie for us i'd still be just as happy. The main for us at xmas is being together as a family.

Lunar_Eclipse

In our family Christmas is for everyone.

I would actually say that generally (not personally) more money gets spent on the adults than children, although the kids get far more presents, because they're much cheaper.

Whilst I do think that Christmas is mainly for children, I also believe my parents relationship, including gift giving, with my children is unrelated to my relationship with them. I don't understand why they would not buy for me/DH because we now have children, unless the budget determines it, which in our case it doesn't.

Same thinking in babysitting for example. 'Looking after' our children is them spending time with their grandchildren and building that relationship (which is great) as opposed to doing me a favour, which sometimes it is as well.

Relationships first, money second. I'd tread carefully with step children; my general thinking is that the biological parent leads the way.

kms26

I have 3 children 9,6 and 15 months. There is me and my 2 step sisters. My dad always buys my kids, my hubby and me. The kids do have more spent on them than me which im more than happy with. What does annoy me is that my step sisters who dont have kids get alot more than me and my kids together!!! My step mum believes that is the right thing to do, just curious if that will be the case if one of my step sisters have kids??

My mum on the other hand spends the same on my 3 kids, me and my hubby.

Oh and IMO christmas is not just for kids, we were all kids once and everyone likes to get presents no matter how old you are.

bestpud

My ex's family mostly only buy for the children which suits me fine.

My mil gives everyone a cake and £20 for birthdays and each child (there is five of them) receives £100 for Christmas and is told to distribute it among their family as they see fit.

We always bought something for all of us with it.

My family buy for adults and children but the children get most.

I think, in the end though, your OH has his own opinion and, while you can try and persuade him, I'm not sure you can stop him doing as he wishes...

Is he prepared to budge at all, do you think?

I think I'd be inclined to cut down on the lot if I couldn't afford it and he refused to compromise.

craftygranny

Pusscat very well put. It could very well look to the step daughters like the o/p was trying to favour her own children even though it might not be the case.

As regards the grandchildren everyone tends to spend on the little ones as thats what they think xmas is all about. Thats why some children end up with far too much. My sister spends loads at xmas then complains in january about just how much stuff they have and she has to find a space for.
I think even at18 - 28 my children are still my children and i like to recognise that fact as they are no less deserving of a gift than their children are .
They still loves xmas and seeing what santa will bring him, and the kids love to see what santa brought daddy and mummy too and their aunties and uncles.
How do you teach children it's good to share if they get everything and the adults get nothing.

ubamother

Just some thoughts:
the presents from you and your husband to your children and step-children will be the only ones they get from parents - the grandchildren may get presents from their parents, and other grandparents, aunts, uncles etc.

I don't know how old the grandchildren are, but if they're very young they will have no idea who the presents are from and what they represent.

I think I'd grit my teeth and go with what the biogical parent wants.

BIZZYIZZY

Thanks for your replies. It is always interesting how other people think,
And yes I do agree that if I try to force the issue, I will be seen as the wicked step mother. But I truly believe that when my sons have a family I will give them less and spend more on the grand kids.
Oh well better buy a few more tins to start saving for Christmas 2010

DianneB

I have 5 children (aged 14 to 37) and the general rule is that they get big presents until they leave home and are earning a wage themselves then after that it's a small present £25 each, same for their partners and the grandchildren. Tend to spend more on them for their birthdays as they are spread out over the year!!