unwritten law!!!!!!

BIZZYIZZY

Would like to know what you guys think.
I will try to keep this short.
My stepdaughters have young children. My own sons don't
I always thought that when grandchildren came along that the parents did not get as many presents as they did before and it was spent on the grand-kids?
My hubby still says his daughters should still get the same, it costs us a fortune, there is 6 grand kids. so what do you think?
I hope I have explained this properly

p-pincher

i get less spent on presents now i've got children, probably about half of what i got before and so does my brother and 1 sister. my other sister who doesn't have kids still has the same amount spent on her. to be honest all of us who has got kids were told either like it or lump xxxx

meltdown_point

Erm when I had my kids, my parents spent on them for christmas....I got a token present:D

I dont want expensive presents.......A token will do(to keep the kids believing....I get one of my dads socks every year filled with a satsuma, choclate coins, a face mask and ear rings (£2.99 job) from santa left in my parents house) as its all about the children at christmas and to see their wee faces light up....Its unrealistic in this climate for your OH to ask you to do this....thats only my opinion;)

yippee_kye_yay

i have 1 brother, 1 sister, 1 stepbrother and 1 stepsister.
us 3 have kids but my step bro +sis dont. we have always had the same amount spent on us regardless of children, although the money spent on us has gone down when babys have arrived.

currently myself and my 4 bros+sis get gifts to the value of £75 and our 5 kids each get gifts to the value of £40 each.

from another view point i have a younger brother who is my dads son and hes 11. my bro, sis and myself get nothing from my dad but our kids get £20sworth of gifts. my brother who obviously hasnt fathered yet gets about £100 spent on him.
i dont begrudge my brother for this, but at the same time i would like it if my dad got us older ones a token gift, like a box of chocs or something from poundshop even - just to say he thought of us.

moral of my long family history(!) i would be happy if my step bro and sis got more spent on them as long as a token gift was given to me.

onetomany

my dad and step mum give me birthday money, but not at christmas but they spend on my 2 sons and on my sisiters 2 kids, but they buy for my sister but shes only 11 so im happy xxxxxxxxxxx think that the way it should be

LJM

i still get a small pressie for xmas from parents and in-laws but our girls get the most spent on them and so it should be imo

sethsgran

We buy for the grandchildren and then the parents get a household gift, this year a Targine, £8 TK Max, and a Moroccan recipe book £3 M&S. They then have a small personal gift. Our youngest is a single parent living at home so we buy for her as when she wasn't a mum and then also for her little one. We don't spend crazy on anyone but for sure the children are our focus, within reason. I also make lots of my gifts and now we have 4 littlies its great making toys for them.
This is a childrens time adults need to be adult enough to understand

*Louise*

In my family, once you have kids, people buy for them and not the parents, unless it's a smaller gift.

My mum will spend approx £50 on my xmas present, and my sister's. Our other sister and brother get a fair bit more cos they dont have children. (and they are still at home)


OP - I think your situation is alittle more difficult though because the ones you are trying to cut back on are your partners children. Is it possible to come to some sort of compromise? I don't know what your budget is for various , so can't personally suggest what the compromise could consist of.

*Louise*

Meant to add - the thing about unwritten laws is that everyone has to agree to them before they can work.....:)

zenmaster

We spend the same on each child regardless. Partners and grandchildren, where applicable, are extra. I've never really thought about it being unfair.

socks_uk

When I was still married to my ex, we (me & my ex - divorced 10 years ago) decided we would spend the same amount per family. I am talking about his and my siblings and offspring though, not children and grandchildren.

At the time, he had 2 brothers and 3 sisters with a total of 15 kids between them (5 of them belonging to one brother!) and I had 1 sister and 2 brothers with a total of 5 children. I myself (with my ex of course) had just one child.

So to make it fair (in our eyes) we spent £30ish on each family group. It might not have been fair in the eyes of the cousins but if their parents decided they wanted a big family we didn't see why we should have to pay for it!