How to help a delusional friend?

myrnahaz

It's not your fault that they're being so stupid so please don't feel guilty about something you can't control. It's best to just bite your tongue and leave them to their delusions - and hope they turn to someone else for help when it all goes pear shaped!

lynzpower

Paisely

I do remember the saga of all this before.

I think I said then, you just need to back out and leave them to it and I certainly feel like that now.

Regardless of what any of us, or indeed you think of tiher plans, sometimes you need to just either be supportive, or not bother. Youve said all you can say in my view, you just have to allow them to make thier own mistakes.

Why are you continuiing to be on contact with them when quite frankly it obvious how much spending time with them ****es you off?

Littlemiss-lotsofdebt

Paisley wrote:

Oh you're right! I am very stressed - I almost feel like I have to worry on their behalf. I'm not loaded by any means but I am sensible with money (as most of us on here are).

I used to be exactly like this, worrying constantly about relatives who were fire fighting with their debts/money but I've recently realised that I cannot be responsible for anyone else. I have made suggestions to them as you seem to have with your friends, but if they do not want to face reality, you have to let them carry on and make their own mistakes.

I think they are very lucky to have someone who cares for them, but ultimately, this mess (and it will reach that stage) belongs to them. I would suggest staying friends (if this is what you want) but try to avoid any discussions involving money/debt etc and keep things light.

lady_fuschia

I don't see any reason why you can't stay friends- the money/ business thing as enfuriating as it is shouldn't affect your relationship. Just don't discuss money matters, don't lend them anything, and let them get on with it. If they start boasting about what they'll be making once things sort themselves out (as if anything sorts "itself"!) just nod, smile and change the subject. Its enfuriating, but your job as a friend is to enjoy their company, offer support and have good times together, its not to manage their finances for them. By all means make suggestions, but don't get too tied up in it- its not your business, your money, or your problem.

Broken_hearted

I think they will be filling bankruptsy in a couple of years and no learning anything. Just think your lives are much better. Stay friends if you want to, if not walk away.

seven-day-weekend

Even though 25 may seem like mature to you, from my end of the spectrum (mid 50s) they are still very young, and one of the most true sayings is 'you can't put old heads on young shoulders'.

All you can do is advise (and then only if they want to listen); otherwise they will have to learn from their mistakes. (or not, as the case may be).

Paisley_3

lynzpower wrote:

Why are you continuiing to be on contact with them when quite frankly it obvious how much spending time with them ****es you off?

You make a really excellent point. I've massively cut the amount of time I spend with them (if I hadn't bumped into them in town it would be well over a month) and I really try not to care but I can't help it. I just want them to have a happy life and at the moment they are literally eating scraps and wearing near rags. They are as near to a state of modern poverty as you can achieve and it's all their own fault

They're like family to me. I don't feel I can totally ignore them over debt - on the offchance they do have that 'help me' moment I want to be there because everyone needs a shoulder.

We aren't spending time with them as friends 'cos when they come over to ours they are really !!!!!y about our stuff (you could have got a better TV - urgh - who eats Brie etc, trying to make us sound either posh, or cheap, depending on their mood). We can't go for dinner, to the pub, shopping - anything. Not even a picnic as they don't buy 'snack' foods (all frozen pizzas really). We can't do any 'friend' stuff so we don't see them. I feel down, I just wished I could help them realise they're not in a position to play office.

Maybe I should do the final cut so to speak. I feel so harsh :S

Paisley_3

seven-day-weekend wrote:

Even though 25 may seem like mature to you, from my end of the spectrum (mid 50s) they are still very young, and one of the most true sayings is 'you can't put old heads on young shoulders'.

Haha, so true, I'm 23 with a new mortgage, stocks and shares and I HATE clubbing maybe I am a bit too old for my years!

lynzpower

I would send them an email or a letter telling them how you feel. You might also want to include a link to this site, maybe mentioning the small biz section that they might benefit from. Say you dont want to see them anymore as you cant stand the worry etc. Also you need to look into yourself and examine why you care as much as you do. As someone above said, people learn ( or not) from mistakes, not by being told what to do. For whatever reason, you seem disappointed that they are not taking your advice. This can only harm YOU in the long run.

At the end of the day, you can only do what you can do. You have said all you can and in all frankness If I were them Id probably want to stop seeing you as well as you seem to contrantly focus on the one issue. ( not being personal, just what Id figure from reading your posts, I know how id feel type thing)

Send it and leave it.

Thats what Id do if I were you.

Quasar

I knew someone like this. We were colleagues in a solicitor's office. She was always starting these funny schemes like pyramid selling etc, and falling for any scam that went her way. She was always dreaming of a champagne lifestyle and had a hard time looking at reality and dealing with that.

She became so insistent that I join her in some of her schemes that I had to be very firm with her. She said I was rude -ok maybe I was, but after ten polite no's I really lost it.

People like these must NOT be helped or encouraged in pursuing their ill advised dreams. They need to be shown reality.

Then again, you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink it...:rolleyes: