Desperately need help

shell_542

You should actually think yourself fortunate for getting how much you have in the past few months. The only reason you got so much was because he was paying you what he should for 1 child. He has two, so he was paying you over and above what he should. NOW he is paying you the correct amount.

I don't see anyone saying you should consider his other child, but what you have to consider is that his other child is as important to him as yours.

AnxiousMum

Sorry OP, but your ex sounds like a wonderful man, and I say 'man' in every sense of the word when it comes to ensuring his children are provided for.

You say you have another child as well, but say that you need your ex to take your daughter on weekends so you can go partying? What do you do with the other child at those times? Surely you can see that the father working on weekends in order to provide for both of his children to the best of his ability (AND he's offered to put money aside for her university???) is something honourable? Many, many men would take the same attitude that you have - and consider that the weekends are for him to go party with friends, NOT have their children, and NOT work extra hours to provide for them. But you don't have that scenario. You have an ex who is willingly upping his income to ensure that his children are taken care of, but likely so that he too can live on what is left over at the end of the month.
With working full time during the week, and saying that you want him to take the kids on the weekends so you can party with your friends, when would you get any quality time with the kids?
If you honestly think that your current boyfriend will drop you because you can't go out every weekend and because you have to put your children first, then sorry, you are with the wrong guy. I remember when my partner and I were first together, I had two young boys - and our 'evenings' consisted of him coming over after the kids went to bed, where we'd enjoy a movie, a late meal and a glass of wine. The odd time I'd get a sitter and we'd go out for the evening - but my priority was that whoever I was with had to accept the fact that I had two children - and sorry, they were there first, they depended upon me, and they always had to be my priority.
Child support is there to benefit your child, not to give you partying money each week. The relationship between your ex and your daughter is very important, don't go destroying it out of spite 'cos you can't go party every weekend! In the end, it would be your relationship with your daughter that gets ruined.

justjohn

"weekend life"
Sorry but your ex is not there to babysit your kids so you can go out at the weekend.

He is there to be a dad to the kids.

Your weekend arrangements are your problem.

Sorry if i am a bit terse but this line has been pulled on me by my ex.

When a break up happens we all have to mudle along try to be considerate and make do , on both sides.

I miss my kids like hell and have told my ex she can have all the free weekends should could ever want just let the kids come live with me.

justjohn

justjohn wrote: »

"weekend life"
Sorry but your ex is not there to babysit your kids so you can go out at the weekend.

He is there to be a dad to the kids.

Your weekend arrangements are your problem.

Sorry if i am a bit terse but this line has been pulled on me by my ex.

When a break up happens we all have to mudle along try to be considerate and make do , on both sides.

I miss my kids like hell and have told my ex she can have all the free weekends should could ever want just let the kids come live with me.

You are lucky to have this ex if you ask me. Some peeps would have been very angry at the csa carry on.

DX2

Desperatemum wrote: »

Ok, perhaps I was a little strong in my wording but I am really annoyed as well as worried. His other family are no concern of mine so why should I suffer because he has another child? I have another child and my boyfriend pays his share of the bills.
His "other" family are actually your childs' half brother/sister maybe you should start caring.

I went to CSA because I didn't believe he was being honest about what he was paying me and as it turned out I for the past few months they have been paying me a just a few £ less than he was originally but far more than when he split the money. Nobody saw an issue then otherwise the money would have stayed split so thats obviously not my fault if I was being paid what I was entitled to.
You went to the CSA because your were "annoyed" and you used them as your hurting tool towards your ex.

The people who say I should think of his other child, I ask why should I?
Because you are meant to be an adult

His ex doesn't think about my other child. So be the bigger adult here.

I may have been a little strong too about a social life but I work all week and the weekend was the only time I could really get out and let my hair down. Do you not think your ex is entitled to this also? from the sounds of things he works just as hard if not harder.

To loopy girl, I'm not happy about being called a troll. If you have an issue with me then thats perfectly well within your rights, but calling me names is something I'm not too happy about. There are a few unhappy people on here but I haven't resorted to calling them names.

My boyfriend is on the verge of being made redundant and unless he finds another job it means I have to support the family. Surely that is what "families" do

I have a mortgage, a car to run and bills. I can't do all of that and support 2 children with the money I will be getting which is why I thought my ex would pay more to support me through these tough times. And what about his bills legally your ex only needs to support the child.

The money he used to pay went some way to paying the bills. I offered to have my CSA case closed and go back to how things were but my ex said if I did that he would only pay the amount CSA would take off him and put any money into an account for when our daughter goes to uni. It's not then when I will need the money, but now so that would be no good.

You cut your nose of to spite your face, and it backfired on you. You want to close the CSA because it suits you, and you may get more money.

kelloggs36

Desperatemum wrote: »

Ok, perhaps I was a little strong in my wording but I am really annoyed as well as worried. His other family are no concern of mine so why should I suffer because he has another child? And the other PWC doesn't get as much as she would get if she were the only claimant - the fact is he DOES have 2 children which you have to accept.I have another child and my boyfriend pays his share of the bills.

I went to CSA because I didn't believe he was being honest about what he was paying me and as it turned out I for the past few months they have been paying me a just a few £ less than he was originally but far more than when he split the money. Nobody saw an issue then otherwise the money would have stayed split so thats obviously not my fault if I was being paid what I was entitled to. You may find that he couldn't pay the other PWC so she had no choice but to claim so that she got something - he isn't an endless pot of money; he has responsibilities both to his children and himself. He can't perform miracles and so is abiding by the laws of the land to ensure that he can actually afford to live and provide for both of his children.

The people who say I should think of his other child, I ask why should I? Why should you? Nobody can make you care, but you have to accept that he has another child - grow up. His ex doesn't think about my other child. I may have been a little strong too about a social life but I work all week and the weekend was the only time I could really get out and let my hair down. That's the risk you take when you have children - they are a responsibility and impinge on your freedom - fact. Get over it and enjoy the time you have with them - that is much more precious than going out on the razz - you work all week so you won't be seeing them as much as you could - enjoy them.

To loopy girl, I'm not happy about being called a troll. If you have an issue with me then thats perfectly well within your rights, but calling me names is something I'm not too happy about. There are a few unhappy people on here but I haven't resorted to calling them names.

My boyfriend is on the verge of being made redundant and unless he finds another job it means I have to support the family. So you will need to apply for tax credits etc to ensure that you get what you are entitled to. What if he was the father of both your children? You wouldn't be getting any extra child support would you? You would have to get on with it. I have a mortgage, a car to run and bills. I can't do all of that and support 2 children with the money I will be getting which is why I thought my ex would pay more to support me through these tough times.

The money he used to pay went some way to paying the bills. I offered to have my CSA case closed and go back to how things were but my ex said if I did that he would only pay the amount CSA would take off him and put any money into an account for when our daughter goes to uni. It's not then when I will need the money, but now so that would be no good.

Was that before the other ex came on the scene? If not and is now, then I can see why you are a bit miffed because you feel that he can afford to pay the difference, but he is only doing what he is legally obliged to do - you cannot ever force anything more.

speedster

Kimitatsu wrote: »

I am going to put a warning out to you lovely people on this board that flaming this poster will not be tolerated whatever your views :mad: So far you have all been behaved and well spoken and as long as this continues this thread will remain open

OP - contact and maintenance are not linked therefore your ex will have every right to get a contact order for a time that he can fit around his working life. If he is working all weekend to support BOTH of his children I fail to see why you are so angry. Many PWC's on these boards would be pleased to get any sort of payment rather than worrying about getting their payments cut as it wont cover babysitting costs. I would also point out that your maintenance is for the maintenance of the child not to pay for you to go out with - I can already hear the sqeals of anguish from NRP's!

As has been said if your boyfriend wants the relationship to continue then he will have factored this in too, its one of those sticking points of any relationship I am afraid.

As this is your first post I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that this is not a wind up, please read all posts carefully and think before you reply

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

i would like to HOPE it's a wind up, but unfortunately the OP's attitude isn't that uncommon. there's a fair few members here that will get on fine with her. :D

gold digging, selfish morons are everywhere, dont' ya know.......:rolleyes:

romanempire

Desperatemum wrote: »

To loopy girl, I'm not happy about being called a troll. If you have an issue with me then thats perfectly well within your rights, but calling me names is something I'm not too happy about. There are a few unhappy people on here but I haven't resorted to calling them names.

:rotfl:

Loopy girl is using the term 'troll' in the same way that you can be called a 'parent' or a 'PWC' or a 'woman'. She is NOT name calling in the sense that some might call you 'childish', 'shallow', 'b#t@h' or any number of other derogatory terms.

Google 'troll' or look at wikipedia (can't post you a link because of bloody forum rules and you might need that if you don't know what a troll is).

frugallass

Desperatemum wrote: »

Another problem I am having is when he actually sees our daughter. Before, he would have her on a weekend so I could go out with my friends but now he tells me he is working 2 jobs, including working all weekend so he can give money to his other child and can only see my child through the week. The money I will soon be getting doesn't cover babysitting costs so it means I can't see my friends as much. Again, this is very unfair because he can do whatever he wants at a weekend and I have to suffer.
I am so angry right now that I told him if he doesn't see his daughter on a weekend then he doesn't see her at all. I don't care that he is working because like I say, his other daughter is not my concern. I have a responsibility to my child and shouldn't be taking payment cuts just to suit him.

I wondered if anyone could offer me some advice on how I could get back to the amount of money I was getting from him before all this started. Without it I can consider my life almost over and my social life totally out of the window. I just feel like I'm about to lose my boyfriend because while he is out with friends on a weekend, I'm sat at home doing my ex's job and babysitting.

Is there really any justice out there because I certainly can't see any?

Did you read your post before your clicked submit?

Do you realise how pathetic and childish you actually sound?

I have highlighted in red, the only sensible thing you said in your post.

In bold are some of your statements which actually made me laugh out loud - you need to stop your selfish 'me, me, me' attitude and get on with actually being a proper mother

pd001

imho...it's a wind up!
The original post has everything in it that none of us want to hear. And I do mean just about everything.
Gotta be a wind up......surely?