Partners Insecurities, Pls help!!

zac

Logged in as another, as friends on forum too.

I'm 45 and 6 weeks ago I met a lovely lady of 43 (neither of us have or want children)who told me from the outset that She was Insecure and didn't trust easily.

At the start things were great, then at a dinner party She decided to divulge details of our sex life to all and sundry, worst part is that She doesn't see that she did anything wrong and therefore wont apologise.
Upshot being that I really dont wish to confide in her for fear of My personal life being made public.

Sober, She is a lovely and rational person and we share a good quality of life, a drink or two and she turns,convinces herself that all her problems are down to me, starts arguements and dares me to hit her(In the past She did suffer domestic abuse),has now started recording the mileage on my car and it would seem wants a detailed summary of my days events, who I've spoken to etc, how I know them?.

I feel that She is trying to control me, is this because She was controlled in the past and feels that this is normal?.

At this point, common sense is screaming one thing at me,so what do I do????

Thanks

neneromanova

I think you can either talk to her, tell her to calm down and trust you or walk away. There is NO relationship without trust and you know that. Good Luck.

worriedsik

Hi
I dated a guy for three yrs who was similiar & it was a nightmare, after reading lots on the internet & knowing all off his background it seems he has abandonment issues which inturn made him very insecure
I questioned borderline personality disorder and although he has not been diagnosed with such he does fit the criteria.
Depends on how you feel i guess but personaly i wish i had ran for the hills because after 3 yrs he sucked the life out off me with his insecurities making all his problems mine.
only you can decide what to do but think carefully on what you can handle because once you become attached it may not be so easy to get out off

Eagle_1

You are only 6 weeks in and already have problems so id say walk

Zazen999

Zac.

Walk away. It's been 6 weeks. Seriously.

I'd be livid if my OH shared details of our sex life, I'm 42 and he is 45; there is no excuse for this sort of behaviour and that's without her trying to hit or control you.

By all means, get her to get some help so that she doesn't screw up the next relationship...but you know what to do.

squirrelchops

Worriedsik.....there has been evidenced research into attachment disorders as a child and borderline personlaity disorder as an adult.

jillymit

Listen to you inner voice,walk away, failing that, run!

It's the kindest thing to both of you really, Having these problems in less than two months, heaven knows what kind off heartache you will put yourself through in a year.
This lady sounds like she has serious issues it must be awful for her as well but it isn't your job to 'cure her'.
ON the other hand .........
If you have the patience of a saint and are willing to sacrifice your own happiness, and like a bit of a gamble and she if she is willing to get some professional help to work through her problems, maybe then (and only then) she will be able to be in a loving secure relationship, maybe.

You ask what you should do. Hard as it is to advise you, not knowing you or her I would say. Get out now and she will find it easier to move on. (hopefully getting some help with her issues)
I hope you find the strength to do it and find a lady who will be able to share your life without all the stress.

worriedsik

Yes squirrel and it was no fun, iam picking carefully the next time ! if there is ever a next time ! busy getting myself straight again after the nightmare
not high jacking OP thread but he damaged me so much iam on the way to regaining self asteem, confidance etc so OP be carefull its easy getting into but the carnage they bestow on you is devastating
thanks Squirrel

DKLS

Zac, I can smell the pan of bunnies on the go from here! and speaking from personal experience get out.

Run for the hills whilst your still in possession of your family jewels.

Dave101t

drunk partner is the real partner.
i dont drink to save the trouble!

carpedieme

get rid of her immediately