Peer Pressure!

silverelephant

This thread really struck a chord with me and got me thinking. I've never really been one to bow to peer pressure (at school I was a goth when all my friends were ravers!) but as I've got older I seem to have developed expensive tastes. Once hubby and I get our finances sorted out I really want to save for a flat screen telly, I don't know anyone that's got one and it's not about being the first it's just that we've never been able to spend more than a hundred quid on a telly and I've convinced myself that we'll save up to get a nice flat screen one to replace it. Try as I might I can't seem to convince myself that the reason for this is because of all the stupid adverts on telly telling me that that's what I SHOULD have. I try to justify to myself that what I want is the satisfaction of knowing that we've saved for something rather than going out and getting it on credit. I suppose in reality it's just peer pressure in a different form. What I should really do is save the money so that when the old one goes on the blink we can go out and replace it secure in the knowledge that we can shop around for the best price and pay for it outright. I'll just need to keep telling myself that!

lady_fuschia

LOL Hester- that's good advice!

Thriftylady

lady_fuschia wrote:

Some people just have a naturally materialistic attitude. When my uncle got married earlier this year my Mum's present to them was from the Christian Aid website (you can buy things like goats to donate to developing communities on the recipients behalf) I mentioned this to an aquaintance of mine who responded "But what did she give them for a proper present?". The idea of a present with no cash value to the recipient was totally beyond her way of thinking!

and on a similar note, my mother in laws attitude really frustrates me because she sees gifts in terms of 'well, what did that person give me?'. She can't understand how I could consider giving e.g. a wedding present to someone who didn't give me one. But if I choose to give something to someone its as a token of my affection for them, not as some sort of 'evening out the scores' exercise. And sometimes in life we lose touch with people then renew our friendships, so there are some people that I wasn't in touch with when I got married who are once again a big part of my life now......

Thriftylady

silverelephant wrote:

Once hubby and I get our finances sorted out I really want to save for a flat screen telly, I don't know anyone that's got one and it's not about being the first it's just that we've never been able to spend more than a hundred quid on a telly and I've convinced myself that we'll save up to get a nice flat screen one to replace it.

I honestly don't think theres any thing wrong in wanting to save up and buy something if it will bring you pleasure. You said yourself that its going to be once you get your finances sorted out, so its not the same as sticking it on the credit card and trying to forget about it. Don't be too hard on yourself. I think everyone on this forum has the same goal in mind, to be debt free, but at that point, we all have things that we want to spend our hard earned cash on too. The beauty of it this time is that it will be our money, not the credit card company's !

lady_fuschia

To be honest I don't think it matters what you buy with your money- as long as you buy it with your money. I don't think its anyone else's position to judge what is a "waste" of money. If its something you genuinly want I don't see any problem in saving up to get it. Its when people spend money they don't have on things they fancy for a moment, or because they're the latest fashion, rather than because they'll get any lasting genuine pleasure from them. Personally I don't feel like I need a widescreen TV, but that's not to say someone else SHOULDN'T have one. One of the things I'd love to save up for is a motorbike- something that would give me a lot of enjoyment, although it might seem frivolous to someone else. I guess its about saving money to buy the things that You want, rather than spending money on things other people expect you to have.

poppycracker

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has participated in this thread, it's really given me a big boost! I've been feeling really down about money recently, my OH is still out of work and it feels like I don't earn enough to cover everything. I always used to say to myself 'I'm sure there's other people who feel the same' to make myself feel better, but now I KNOW there are, that is such a help!!!!

if I had the time, I'd 'thank' each and everyone of you, but I don't so you'll just have to settle for a group thanks


:T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T

Sea78

Hi,

What a great thread to read - really heartening.

I have to agree with everyone but also wanted to add that I have changed too. Someone posted about their sister(in law?) being competitive about having mroe money, and better things etc. I think in a way I was like this - I never had as much money as in laws, but was strangely competitive with them. I have never been like this before, so I was confused about it. I also didn't like myself because of it, but continued to be that way all the same. Since having my lightbulb moment, this competitive awfulness has suddenly stopped! It's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I honestl;y don't care any more. i've realised that it's more about how we are as people and friendships and family are so much more important than money (although money helps!! ). I've also realised that it's more important to be happy and ina situation that benefits the family, even if that means pay cuts and a longer DFD!!!

OberonSH wrote:

Sometimes I feel odd for not being able to buy my DD loads of new clothes and toys, but a customer said to me today that kids don't rememeber the dust, or the clothes - just the time you spent with them, and that made me feel like I'm doing the right thing. When I'm Debt Free I want to take my daughter on holiday so we can make some memories, not dress her up in silly designer clothes, or buy her the latest toys. She's happiest with a box and I'm not rushing around trying to stop her getting her £40 outfit dirty!

Oh how true!! Can completely relate to this! I also want to be able to take the kids away on good holidays - we just came back form a weekend in Coombe Haven (paid for very kindly by brother in law) and it was wonderful. We're now going to save up tokens and things from places like the Sun - OH knows a few people who do that and get their hols for £5. I would have been far too 'snobby'before. More fool me.

newleaf wrote:

I'm reminded of the car sticker seen in rear windows which reads 'This car may be old, but it's in front of yours and it's paid for'.

I want that car sticker!! We're selling our car this summer and downgrading massively to pay off some debts...I'd love that sticker....

Sea xxxx

Imelda

hi all,
I have just read this thread and it has inspired me. Both OH and I work in Banking in London, I work for 2 guys who earn a fortune, own huge houses (out right) and spend whatever they like. They ridicule me for going on camping holidays (the more senior guy is spending £10,000 on a trip to Italy for a week, that amount of money would pay my bills for a year!) and bringing my own sandwiches in to work. I think they're the stupid ones, if I earnt their wages I would work for one/ two more years buy a little house by the sea with my OH and get a little job that I enjoyed to pay the bills each month. Not slave away for 13 hours per day, hardly seeing friends and family just in order to fund a lavish lifestyle. Each to their own though.

yummum_3

I agree Imelda, its far better to have a life you enjoy! All the comments on the thread are great and have really kept me going.

We went 'window shopping' yesterday and bought.... nothing!!! It felt really good to have the satisfaction. My OH picked up some trainers and they made his old ones look grubby, but we didn't purchase them!!! It all begins with little things. I am going to clean his old ones today instead. It makes me realise what the older generation are on about when they say they used to make do and repair/clean things!!! When my OH said 'should I buy the trainers?' I thought, no because when does it end? He buys them and then I want something for me. I will save up instead and buy some when its the sales!!!

Sarah

MrsTinks

Hmmm I guess in a way we are very much the Jones's in our road well kinda... We have 2 cars, mine a 2 seater convertible, his a V6 Coupe. We Have a large LCD TV and an X box, a PS2, 2 computers, a laptop (and 2 work laptops) MP3 players etc etc etc etc...
The MP3 player is a £129 phillips one... and was free through someone we know. We're hopefully getting a media system (7.1 surround sound etc etc etcetc) free for the OH helping out with a business deal. The TV is probably the only thing I paid full price for (after shopping round for the best deal of course!) but I guess that to others it looks like we could be the Jones's... Oh and all my new clothes bought from catalogs using the special offer codes on things in the sale (have a £75 suit that cost £5, and a £60 suit that I got for £12... free delivery of course!) I went to buy a dress for a wedding we're going to on saturday and it was marked at £35 but it was the last one and was going to be a treat from the OH... went through the till at £18!!!!

Would I be wiling to pay for a lot of the gadgets we have if I couldn't get them for free? Absolutely not! I can live without surround sound and MP3 players. I could live without Sky too, but the other half would have a fit if we didn't have sports channels And I would miss the discovery channels and animal planet - sorry *blush*.

I have to say I am feeling REALLY proud at the moment of the fact that I am making real in roads into my debts. Once I have proved to the OH that I managed to pay MY debt off then we can start really hitting HIS debts and look at what the chances of paying off the mortgage early might be I dream of that day!