Peer Pressure!

lady_fuschia

I think its a case of just quietly rising above it. When your colleagues talk about their latest holiday or show of their newest purchases, encourage yourself to smile quietly a syour debt slowly goes down in proportion to the rate that theirs is rising. Know that in a few years time when that new pair of shoes catches up with them, they'll probably be putting cheese back on the shop shelf because they can't afford it. You don't have to gloat, just feel good about yourself.
MY OH is particularly fond of the "finer things" in life, and one thing I found makes him feel a little better about not flashing the plastic is that I put a list of how much we could save per month without frivolous purchases on the kitchen cupboard, and next to it a list we came up with together of all the things we could afford if we saved it- things like "Deposit for new house", "More comfortable sofa", "Week in Italy"- I suppose this would vary depending on what's important to you and where you are in life, but it makes you realise that you'd rather do without a night in the pub or a bar of chocolate and be able to afford the things you'd really like. It seems to be working as well- he's gone from total spendthrift, to slightly more careful- hoping things will improve even more with time!

Thriftylady

there is a flip side to all this as well......people can be very competitive over how skint they are as well. Who doesn't have at least one relative or friend who you know has plenty of money but who continually moans about how hard up they are? I'm not talking about the kind who appears to have everything either and is just living in debt to keep up appearances, I'm talking about the genuinely wealthy kind who just have no idea what its like not to have money for the basics. My sister in law once rang me and moaned about how she had spent £400 on a curtain pole and just didn't know where the money was going to come from to pay for it....and I had just had my switch card declined trying to get some groceries in Tescos, because my husband was out of work and my job paid next to nothing......and then she managed to be offended because I wasn't sympathetic to her !!

choccyface2006

Thriftylady wrote:

there is a flip side to all this as well......people can be very competitive over how skint they are as well. Who doesn't have at least one relative or friend who you know has plenty of money but who continually moans about how hard up they are? I'm not talking about the kind who appears to have everything either and is just living in debt to keep up appearances, I'm talking about the genuinely wealthy kind who just have no idea what its like not to have money for the basics. My sister in law once rang me and moaned about how she had spent £400 on a curtain pole and just didn't know where the money was going to come from to pay for it....and I had just had my switch card declined trying to get some groceries in Tescos, because my husband was out of work and my job paid next to nothing......and then she managed to be offended because I wasn't sympathetic to her !!

This sounds like my sister and her partner! They have a joint salary of over £70k and no debt, their moragage "is huge!!" according to them, its now actually only £23,000! Fustrating isn't it! They have at 3-4 holidays a year, Sri Lanka, Cancun, florida, Cuba, Rome & ski-ing in Bulgaria to name but a few recent ones and yet they moan about the cost of basic groceries!

I always pay my way if we are out though and spend around the same on her birthday/christmas presents as she does on mine even though I have two children (she has none) and an income thats £15,500 net I still manage to take the girls on holiday (Majorca this year) and have no debt, but its not easy sometimes!

Sarah x

dudleyboy

Thriftylady wrote:

I have a friend, hideously in debt, who firmly believes that travelling is her right, just because she enjoys it. When I hadn't known her very long, she once said to me 'don't be offended, but you're much more intelligent than I thought you would be, I've never met anyone intelligent before who chooses not to go abroad'.......er, like its 'intelligent' to run up uncontrollable debts by taking holidays you can't afford. Am I missing something ?!

I think that just about says it all, doesn't it.

billy_bulldog

It is difficult, but you can learn to ignore peer pressure and enjoy doing / buying what you want because you want or need it, not because someone says you ought to have it.

We have always had a holiday every year but pay what we can afford at the time - when out of work one year (with a 2 yr old) we camped for a couple of nights at Great Yarmouth. We had a bottle of lemonade and some sweets with us for sustainance, and for meals looked for any specials / kids meals and lived like that for a few days - it didn't kill us and in fact we had a great time. I was 35 before we went on a foreign holiday, and even that was just a three day trip to Disnayland Paris, but it is what WE wanted for our children at the time.

Last year I sold our second (small runabout) car and now cycle to work in all weathers but I like it. I have smaller outgoings now, and for the first time ever have some savings & investments behind me. I am not mortgaged up to the eyeballs, don't drink or smoke by choice, but am quite happy where I am in life at the moment.

Stick to your guns, its your life and your choice afterall.

Thriftylady

And to add to my previous post, my sister in law used to have a tendency to comment on anything we do actually buy, like ' oh, I see someone must have come into some money to have bought that. lucky for some.' Did I quiz her about how she funded her four foreign holidays a year? no! or her flash car? no !

But interestingly, when she finally realised that hubby and I weren't interested in competing with her, and that we weren't that interested in what they did with their money, she finally seems to have stopped going on about it. I'm sad to say it but I think she enjoyed it when we were struggling in university and poorly paid jobs and she seemed to resent it when we did finally work our way into a position where we could afford the occasional treat. Sad isn't it ?

lady_fuschia

Very sad. Whether its people who overspend to prove their worth and look down on those who bargain-hunt, or those who resent every penny other people spend- its just an obsession with money and material things. I suppose we should be sorry for people like that really!

dinkylou

Yep, agree with the others on here.

Keeping up the Jones doesnt make you any happier, just leads to unhappiness in the end through debt.

Not wasting time sitting in front of the box all the time or out spending money makes you think of all the little things you can do which make you happy, like spending time with loved ones or getting out and about cheaply.

I used to get frustrated and bitter towards my friends who used to go on about their new kitchens or new cars etc but now I just let it wash over me and remember that I am achieving my little goals and working towards my master plan.

Having a new car or kitchen would only make me happy for the short term and then I (and they) and looking for the next 'fix'.

One of my friends, who knows my finances well, said to me this weekend that she respects me far more for not having a show home and having the latest gadget, but for being disciplined and having goals to work towards.

So when people talk about the latest 'thing' they have, just smile, be happy for them but realise that they're probably not as 'well off' or as happy as you are.

lady_fuschia

Some people just have a naturally materialistic attitude. When my uncle got married earlier this year my Mum's present to them was from the Christian Aid website (you can buy things like goats to donate to developing communities on the recipients behalf) I mentioned this to an aquaintance of mine who responded "But what did she give them for a proper present?". The idea of a present with no cash value to the recipient was totally beyond her way of thinking!

lady_fuschia

I used to get a bit annoyed with people accusing me of being "cheap" too. I've always made cards for relatives birthdays myself and they love it, but when I suggested this to a colleague, she said "But they'd just think I was being really cheap." I used to make mix CD's as presents too, which I've been told by others is "a cop out." and "stingy" (though the recipients always appreciated the effort). Its as if a present is only considered acceptable if you spend huge amounts of money on it- I've always thought time and careful thought were more valuable. Maybe it's just me...