Man's perspective please?

AnnieH

Hello, I'm having a few problems with my hubby in the bedroom department. The thing is, how can I talk to him about it without damaging his male pride. He's very sensitive and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I really need to sort it out.

Loui1979

God, i wouldnt know what to do.

Maybe you just take control while your 'at it' and that way you dont have to talk to him.

Have a few drinks to ease yourself, but dont get drunk or you wont remember. lol

wigginsmum

If it's an 'inability' issue, maybe the doctor could help, but I appreciate he may not be prepared to discuss that with a doctor.

If it's 'general ineptness,' then really you need to show him what you need.

nelly05

Well, from a male prospective, i think you need to talk to him without making an issue of it.

Without knowing the ins and out (ooh err no pun intended ) i think you need to take control.

If you are getting on well generally and he is ok and not down about something, maybe you could surprise him one night.

Set up a nice romantic meal, with his favorites (but not too much or he will feel sluggish after the meal) , a nice bottle of wine. Nothing too out of the ordinary.

Then just through talking during the meal give him a good indication of what you have instore for him, and take total control. This way you dont have to say things are bad, but you can just tell him exactly what you want!!!

If you dont ask or encourage he cant change/improve. He may also be thinking things need spicing up / helping along but be too embarrassed to try something.

Good luck

Regards

AnnieH

Thanks for your replies.

It's a bit of a flash in the pan issue if you know what I mean, But it's getting to the stage where I'm not enjoying it at all, and not getting in the mood, because it over so quickly.

I have tried taking the control but then I have to (blushing) go so slowly that it gets a bit boring.

Sorry if that's too much info, but I really need to get to the bottom of this

wigginsmum

Could you try for a 'repeat performance' a bit later to make things better for you? Is this a recent problem? Otherwise, insist on 'Ladies first.'

AnnieH

Yes it is a recent thing, but it's been going on for a few months now. We've been together for 5 years and it hasn't always been like that. He has been depressed although he says he is over that now, but I think his self-confidence is very low, which is why I don't want to kick him when he's down.

Repeat performace is unlikely as he just goes to sleep or I feel qiite let down and the mood has totally gone.

mehefin

An awkward one for both of you - some good ideas above and there are some 'techniques' which you might learn which could improve the situation.Can't be too explicit on an open forum like this!!! A visit to the library might be useful.
Might there be an underlying health problem which he is too worried to talk openly about? Blokes are very secretive about their health - and wont talk about things that worry them - I know cos I'm just like that ( speaking as a male).
Obviously not an arousal issue - more a sprint than a marathon by the sounds of things. Sympathies to both -its probably pretty frustarting for him too.

beccatt

Blokes on here will know better than me, but would using a condom help desensitise things? Or I'm sure there's a spray that you can use to make him a little bit numb. Obv you'll have to talk to him before spraying!!
In my experience it's best to address problems immediately otherwise they just escalate and become a big bad elephant standing in the way of your relationship. Prob best not to mention that you've asked a load of strangers for advice about it! Good luck!

AnnieH

"Prob best not to mention that you've asked a load of strangers for advice about it!"

LOL! Think you may have a point there.

ooo000ooo

AnnieH wrote:

Repeat performace is unlikely as he just goes to sleep or I feel qiite let down and the mood has totally gone.

Can't imagine any man objecting to being awoken in a nice way. Let your fingers do the walking Have you considered watching or reading some "artistic" material to give him a few ideas on different techniques that he could use to make things better for you?