Children going to funeral?

surreysaver

It should be the kids' choice. Just because you or their dad were brought up that kids do not go to funerals, does not mean that is correct. How many other things do we do differently nowdays that we did differently a generation ro two ago?

I was not allowed to go to my Great Grandma's funeral when I was 5, despite wanting to go. I have regretted it ever since. Kids have brains of their own, let them use them.

System

When my grandad died we all went (i was 15, then there was s(10), s(6) and b(5). The two youngest didn't really understand what was going on, but think my mum wanted them to be there so they could say goodbye. 10 year old sis did understand death by that age, if i'm honest out of all 4 of us it actually hit me the hardest. So i can kind of understand you're reluctace of letting your daughter go BUT bear in mind i was the only one who'd seen him a week or so before he was hospitalised and died, so for them they did have the happy memories but for me my last memory was seeing him in pain and wishing i could do something to take that away (however i did get to say goodbye).

It really depends on whether you think your daughter can cope with this emotionally. I do believe there should be a choice, but its a hard one to call. I did handle my Nan's funeral a lot better, partly because i was older (19) but also because it wasn't the first i'd been to. Because i'd been at my Grandad's i knew what to expect, and in a way this made it easier for me.

squibbs25

Firstly thank you to everyone that has replied with your experiences.


After speaking with the children again we have left it to them to make their own decision, which we will fully support.
I have suggested an alternative way that the kids can say their goodbye to grandad if they choose not to attend the service, i have also spoken to my mum about the alternative and she is in agreement with this, I think she is going to mention this to both of my sisters aswell as it can be made into a family day with happy memories for the children.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond.
Squibbs x

seven-day-weekend

Condolances on your loss.

My son has always regretted the fact that at aged 5 he did not attend his grandad's funeral. (This was my m-i-l's choice, not ours). He has always said he would have liked to say goodbye. He has attended all the other parents' funerals, but he was a teenager then.

I really feel it should be up to them, especially the twelve-year-old. If he gets upset, so what? It's quite natural to get upset at funerals. As long as someone is there to support him, it will probably be quite therapeutic.

Also, re playing the piano - he might want to do this for his grandad. Again, I would give him the choice. Have a supportive adult there for him and also some recorded music on standby in case he has to give up halfway (maybe some recorded music of him playing?).