Not sure how to handle this.

mandi

DS rang from school today , to say that his headmaster has told him it would be an idea if he lost some weight.

My problem is that Im sure it was an off the cuff remark, and not ment to offend my son but it has.
He was overweight when he was younger , but has lost all but a little bit of tummy fat as he has grown , and at 15 hes over 6 ft, despite this he is still very sensative about his weight.

He has asked me to call the school , and I dont want to , but at the same time , I dont want him to think that I dont care or im taking sides .

No amount of reassurance from me that hes not fat will work .

What would be the best way to handle this

bearacus

ring the school!! Your son needs to know he has his mums support! it obviously has hit him hard and understandably too. A headmaster should be more aware of pressure on children and not be making any such remarks whether true or not.

bearacus x

just my opinion

Tom1234

Call the school like your son has requested?

Why don't you want to do it?

You son has been upset by the headmaster, and has requested your help. What possible reason can you have for not giving it?

CAFCGirl

I'd say call the school and just ask the headmaster how it was meant, and that you're worried DS might have taken it out of context.
Its possible the Head said something, but your DS has "heard" something else, or is telling his intepretation of what was said, rather than what was said, iyswim.

That way you'll know exactly what was said and can reasurre DS that way, as Im sure something was perhaps just lost in translation.....

BitterAndTwisted

I understand completely how defensive you might be feeling about this wound to your son's feelings but would counsel against making a mountain out of a molehill. The headmaster might have thought he was doing something helpful but did it in a very untactful way.

What does your son think calling the school might achieve?

busiscoming2

Speak to the head. If you son heard correctly, then the head should apologise. Its not his place to say things like that to children! I bet staff would complain if you or your son said it to them!!

looby75

I would phone the school, explain that your son is sensitive about his weight as he was very overweight as a younger child and that if they are concerned about any aspect of his health or well-being you would appreciate it if they contacted you so you could discuss it with your son yourself.

The head shouldn't have said anything to your son IMO for the very reason you have described, the head doesn't know your sons background...what if he had an eating disorder? Of course if the school has concerns they should inform the parents, but there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it.

*waits for the flaming to begin for not 100% supporting the head and mollycoddling the child*

WestonDave

I would phone the school and explain that your son had been upset by the remarks made, and that you would prefer in future any concerns about your son's wellbeing are raised with you in the first instance.

Whilst I would generally support schools in matters of education or discipline, the current trends to dictate nutritional or health standards is a bit concerning given that they are not qualified to do this. Has for example the head calculated the boy's BMI to be sure he is overweight (might be interesting for you to do and see whether or by how much he registers as overwieght!) or is he just looking at a bit of a flabby tummy and making judgements? Anyway that's isn't really something to go guns blazing on, just a personal frustation over daft school meal rules etc.

Oldernotwiser

Do you know his weight - is it possible that he actually is overweight but as he's lost some you don't notice?

(Please don't be offended but lots of mums say "he's just a big lad" when really the boy's too heavy.)

mandi

Thanks for your advice everyone . He did hear the comment clearly . ONW he is actually quite slim, certainly isnt overweight, but I understand what you mean .

Ive had a chat with him amd he would like an apology. Ive said I would call school tommorrow , and he seems happy with that for now , although he is clearly upset by the comment .


Ohhhhh the joys of parenting .:D

Errata

People say stupid things and teachers and heads are not immune from that.
If the lad is 15 and believes he is the correct weight for his age and height I'm not sure why he didn't say to himself "Jeez, head's a total pillock" and go merrily on his way.