Marriage problems?

paddy's_mum

Lucy - you had this exact same problem only just over a year ago - it is on page 5 of the listing of your previous posts, entitled Second Life - Would you Object?

It would seem that despite all his promises at that time, your husband has blithely continued to pursue behaviour that he knows wounds you, and as I pointed out in a response within that thread, that he must realise is doing great damage to the fabric of the marriage.

To me, it is irrelevant that there is no physical touching or connection. The fact remains that he is getting his sex jollies with another woman, via web cams etc. If that isn't disloyalty and treachery, then I don't know what is.

I'm also quite certain that any divorce court judge would find it highly unreasonable behaviour, especially in the light of your continuing pain and objections, whether or not it technically constitutes adultery.

Let me ask you this. If your husband was one of a group of men who held down a struggling victim while his friend raped her, but did not have any sexual contact with her himself, would you, the Police and society generally say "Oh, that's alright then - he kept his pecker in his pants and that makes him innocent ..."?

Your husband is behaving in an outrageous fashion, mostly because he is defying your wishes and continuing with conduct that he knows upsets you very much. One could almost assume that he sees you as a meek and pliant doormat and behaves accordingly since there appears to be an element of hostility towards you in the determination to continue and the disregard of your feelings. I don't call that love. Do you?

I suggest that you re-read last year's extensive thread and assess your position in light of the fact that despite all your tears and heartache, nothing has changed.

I suspect that your husband needs his head examined if he thinks a few jollies at a distance are worth losing everything for, but only you can decided when enough is enough. I don't envy you but I do think that this time you really must stamp your feet or else arrange to see a solicitor. The time for middle ground tolerance seems to me to be long past. Good luck.

larmy16

C_Mababejive wrote: »

OK is it just me or is there Jack Sh&t else to do in Britain on an evening? So whats the choices? go out to drink,go out to eat,sit watching the idiots lantern/visual opiate, tap on a laptop reading MSE and the like or get hooked on kiddie games like 2nd life or WOW? Is this the life you dreamed of as a little kid? all that exciting stuff you were going to do when you left school? If this is it,far better to hang yourself i say...and as for a man (or woman) tapping away on some cyber game whilst ignoring his partner..well ..the ultimate in sadness.

You forgot the Ds Lite!!!!!!

flippin36

If it is a true addiction then he won't be thinking about the future consequences or the fact that it is hurting you. People with addictions do hurt the ones they love the most. Perhaps he needs help?

Lucylocket01

paddys mum -- i totally agree with what u have said. Just wished i knew what to do about it.
Thanks to all who have replied

Errata

Lucy, as I posted earlier. Chuck his laptop in the recycling bin. He'll have to take your concerns seriously then. So far he's learned that his actions don't have any serious consequences for him.
Bluntly - do you want this sort of filth in your house ? I wouldn't want it in mine.

Morglin

I don't understand when it became normal to have these online fantasy lives and imaginary mates - what happened to enjoying real life and real people?

Lin

lilmissmup

I hate second life, my ex spent a few months on it before he left me.

He wasn't chatting to anyone sexually but was addicted to it and ignoring me.....

There is a very slight possibility we might be getting back together and if we do though he is not playing it near me!

I hope you get the issue sorted Lucy and can move on from this.

fernliebee

I would feel deeply hurt by this as it is a 'real' woman, and he was doing things on the webcam. It is also the emotional cheating that would upset me, telling each other how much they like each other etc. Things like p0rn don't really bother me too much as they are impersonal (and most of the woman are mingin ) but as this is one particular person, it would still anger me. The fact that they didn't actually meet, or the fact that they didn't plan on meeting is by the by. The other thing, is like others have said, he knew you would be upset by it as he had done it before, yet he still did it. Addiction or not it is not an excuse. Personally this would be the end for me as cheating (in any capacity, and DH and I are quite clear on what counts as cheating in our books) is something I could not forgive, even if it was an addiction. If he was an alcoholic and slept with someone while drunk, would that excuse it? Not in my book.

If you are more forgiving than I and want to sort it out, could he not agree to find a new, non computer related hobby for the evenings, and maybe have a couple of evenings a week where you dedicate it to something you both want to do, TV and laptops off limits, maybe watch a film, or just make a nice meal, what about learning something together? Night school etc. Anything just to rekindle the fancy.

WannaBeTeenager

reading posts again, this other woman is married and lives in another country and although there is no chance of them ever meeting what he has done is still wrong. i say get him back and do what he has done to you but not with a stranger, with a close friend of yours to whom you can confide in. get them to send you provocative text messages and even go out (maybe just round to your friends house) but tell him your going out clubbing or out to dinner with your friends.

when he finds out about your so called affair then confront him with his and admit that yours is a scam to show him what its like.

lilmissmup

Any update Lucy?

I found out my ex has actually been back on the game and defo has a special friend on it who plastered all over Facebook that she couldn't wait to "see" him. :mad:

When hes supposedly still confused about his feelings for me, yeah right :rolleyes:

All my ex wants is attention, he had some, that didn't work so tried getting some from me and now he has more attention he says all he ever wanted was to be my friend when he led me to believe it was a friendship with a view to getting back together.

I actually changed my phone number yesterday so he can't hurt me anymore.

I hate that game, think the people who get so involved in it really need to sort there own lifes and issues out.